Diary of a sex addict….

Coming soon….

The Secret Diary...coming soon

But today I hit the ground running…no, not really I can barely move. But I am back on the phone making phone calls, trying to schedule appointments and make reservations.

I’ve had my coffee, and again very little sleep, I am exhausted…yet sleep keeps being out of my reach.

I finally made my cheesecake, I like how I say my…but it isn’t just mine….unless nobody spots it behind the milk…..

I just had a few minutes of volleying back and forth with a bill collector, he promised to remove my number from his list, Debra doesn’t live here, I don’t know Debra, and for all I know she is dead…or a deadbeat.

The boys are still asleep, their holiday break starts today.

Not liking stupid humans today~

Yesterday I spoke to family and was left unbelievably pissed off at another family member. I’ve decided that person is pretty much dead to me. I do not understand how someone can continue to reproduce while having other children they don’t even care for. What will become of baby number 3? Who will be saddled with this baby? This is one of those times where I believe the freedom of reproductive choice should be stripped from individuals. Keep your eyes open and your legs closed…and I will stop thinking of this useless excuse for a human being before I work myself into a pissed off ball of fury.

Ruby Tuesday Part Dos~

I need/want/must have cheesecake~

I busied myself and made appointments and registrations and reservations and then I went back to sticking my head in the sand.

 

I had a sense of satisfaction that I could take a breather from the madness of being put on hold and transfered here and there….anyhoo all that changed with the shrill of the telephone…change in plans…the date for surgery has been moved up, so now I’m back to rescheduling all my other appointments, notifying my insurance company….blah, blad, blah…so now I have a headache and I still haven’t slept…nor have I had a chance to resume my reading of “The Lost Son”….but that’s about to change….I’ve left messages and will go curl up on the couch and read a bit.

Cheesecake sounds good.

Ruby Tuesday~

Don't question why I need to be so free~

I tried to sleep, it didn’t happen, hasn’t happened…yet.

I’ve been on the phone making appointments and reservations, no fun, my head is partly out of the sand.

So far a great read~

I settled on “The Lost Son” as my current read.

Laundry is done, washed…and folded…but not yet put away…I’ll deal with that later.

I’ve had my coffee and a shower.

I’m off to vegetate in front of the TV and wait for my babies, they have early release today.

And we are off….

blah, blah, blah~

Just finished reading Cross by James Patterson, I need to look for my next read…I’m undecided as to what I want to engross myself in…so for now the selection is up in the air. I’ve reordered scrips, and replied to a couple of emails, I’ve had my coffee too.

I need to go and fiddle around the fridge and make room for the turkey…the thawing out process needs to start.

Last night after spending some time on Skype with my girls I was painfully reminded that I cannot keep my head in the sand as I am prone to do. I am not ready to deal with making the arrangements yet for my next hospital visit. I have looked at the school calendar and it works pretty good, the boys will be out of school while I am in the hospital….one less thing to worry about. The only thing to keep in mind is I need to be dropped off and picked up…other than that I should be okay….but for now it isn’t something I want to worry about….I’d much rather keep happy thoughts in my head…like the next few days where I get to enjoy having my boys around.

Maybe today I will find energy to make a cake…I need/want/must have something sweet.

 

Sunday Funday@ casa de Ruby Cantu….

I went to bed relatively early last night, like around 6:30…that is very early, but I was drained….I took my book to bed and was only able to read a few pages and after tossing and turning I reached over and turned off my reading lamp.

400+ pages, but a quick read

 Ten minutes later I was back up and about an hour after that I was on the phone briefly….I ended up finishing my book and reaching over to turn my reading lamp off again…it took a while for me to finally get to sleep, needless to say it was fitfull and not enough.

Patterson, always a quick read

 Today I may start on Cross by James Patterson, I am behind on this series….I also have a couple of 48 hours episodes to watch and a few other recordings, so I’m covered on my reading as well as TV time.

Seasoned stew meat ~aka~ guiso

For dinner I will be making some guiso, refried beans, rice and a salad oh and of course tortillas….and maybe cake….

Drained~

I'm feeling drained~

I’m drained, it has been a couple of days and I’m still not recovered…I have been to hell and back more times than I care to even count..and I’m not done with my travels there.

On to other shtuff…..I made some cinnamon apple pecan strudel muffins, I had been craving them for a while and decided to make them.

Apple muffins ~ yum

Today I didn’t feel like cooking, so I didn’t, I ordered some egg rolls, egg drop soup and some shrimp fried rice, it hit the spot and I am full…for now. But I am thinking of beer and wings….

This could hit the spot later....

Now I am off to read for a while…the boys and I have vegetated long enough watching Criminal Minds….no more TV for this evening.

Blood gives way to fluff~

So as I read about death, dismemberment, blood and all that good stuff and let my head be filled with all things murderous I decided to give myself a break and read some light fluff.

~Fluffy~

I found this fluff in “The Notebook”, and I say fluff because this is a love story, and I don’t do love stories very well, frivolous fairy tales of escapism reminding me of the earliest readings of Harlequin romances….yuck, yuck, puke, puke. To give the author credit, there was a serious deviation from the familiarly outlined plots found in the garbage strewn pages of a Harlequin novel. I am thankful for this, and with great shame I must admit that I enjoyed the damn book and I even spilt tears a couple of times, and if anyone dares to mock me over this, well fuck you….that’s all I’m gonna say about that.

I did enjoy the book over the movie and I’m glad that I didn’t read the book first, that would have ruined the movie for me as there were several inconsistencies, as there usually are when a book is turned into a movie.

yuck, yuck, puke, puke

So what is it about fluff…fluff is nothing more than lint trapped in a belly button…or a dryer….or on your favorite black garment….so anyhoo…I’m thankfully done with the fluff and I can now return myself to meatier reading.

I give the book two thumbs up…even though reading this kind of stuff takes me longer….

I bring you a rare glimpse~

A rare and brief glimpse of what there could be….travel, that’s what. My hope for this next procedure is that it fixes me and that it is the last one I have to endure. For the sake of this blog, I’ll go with the positive possibilities.

I've wasted enough of my life already~

So what would I do to celebrate?

For starters~

At the first moment when I wake up pain-free I will spontaneously decide to hit the road. I’ve got the idea of checking out a small travel trailer I can hitch to my truck, I just need something that sleeps 3-4, preferably 4.

something small like this~

 Then I want to just take off, go visit family and friends…and Vegas. I had two occasions where Vegas was there, both family and friends met up there, and I wasn’t able to go either time.

~ What happens in Vegas....

It is my time, and what sucks is that now that I have nothing to hold me back I can’t, why? because I have something holding me back…my state of cripplehood.

I just had a thought…I need a personal assistant….I need someone to just wheel me around, carry my bags, pave the way for my wheels….but no…I don’t want to travel that way. I want to be able to have the physical freedom of getting myself from point A to point B. I want to be able to do it on my own. I guess I do have something holding me back after all.

But Vegas will be on, not only Vegas, I want to also schedule a family friendly trip for the boys and myself. Because contrary to unpopular belief, it’s not all about me. Yes, Vegas will be about the usual things to do in Vegas, casinos, the strip, the shows, and whatever else is geared for the adult that I am. But I also want to take the boys somewhere we haven’t been before, and I know there are plenty of places….just have to save money and work on that plan…oh and get healthy enough to enjoy it.

It’s not just me…

Ruby's wheelchair mafia, join my posse~

It’s who I roll with, pun intended…I was on the phone earlier and the discussion eventually turned towards the health issues, the ones I’m going through as well as the ones the other party is going through…how we have people ask, “How are you?” and the response from us is to pull that mask down, the mask with the smile and the happy face. The one that replies with “Everything is okay” or a variation of that.

We get the ones that ask….but don’t care to hear what we say….

they hear you but they're not really listening~

We get the ones that ask…yet they won’t stop talking about their problems to take the time to listen to your reply….

I’ve had the ones that ask, and when I get a few words out…I get the “I need to go, I have another call coming in” or yawning, or “someone’s at the door”…..LOL…it is laughable.

blah, blah, blah

If I don’t really want to know, I don’t ask…I know much of this is just making light conversation or it is habit…..

I am going to make roasted cinnamon pecans…I’d like to have some for a cake I’ll be baking next week.

I got a stack of magazines to freecycle….

Green tea sounds good right about now….

I am making vegetable soup for dinner…

I have a small bookcase to work on…..well I don’t quite have it here yet, so it may be tomorrow’s project….

 

                                                                                                                           

                                                                                                                            aka Austin, TX

I am debating whether I should leave Wednesday for hell Austin, or if I should spend the night and return Friday…I’m not looking forward to driving myself there but I will put my big girl panties on and manage….

Sunday….funday…no…just Sunday

because I am a great mom~

I started the day by fixing breakfast for us, had my coffee, read my online newspapers….then off to the living room to vegetate. Enjoyed a Criminal Minds marathon (pre-recorded) with my boys, mainly boy # 1 and I watched, boy # 2 joined in, but he just keeps on talking and talking, so I’m constantly having to pause and rewind because he just loves to hear himself talk.

Lunch was more of a find it, kill it, cook it and eat it….with an emphasis on finding it…lots of frozen meats, and very few ready to eat, easy to fix options…they won’t starve, they’ll just appreciate my cooking when I finally get around to feeding them.

Old school Mexican coffee bean grinder~

After watching the last recorded episode of Criminal Minds I sent boy # 1 & 3 out to get groceries, boy # 2 stayed behind and offered very little assistance, but he did grind my coffee beans so that worked for me….I can’t wait to try my coffee sent by the lovely Cynthia (Chocolatier extraordinaire) http://cynthiaschmidt.com/  in Hawaii. Anyhoo…I made fried chicken tenders, macaroni and cheese and mixed veggies…quick and easy….and very good…or they were perfectly starved. I love to have everything gone and no left overs to mess with.

2 hrs I will never recover, but oh well~

Watched another couple of hours of TV….Four Brothers and 60 Minutes….then was on the phone for a bit…then here…lurking around several places, catching up with emails, posting comments here and there and of course authoring this latest blog.

I am actually smarter this very moment….I have just had an epiphany.

or I just realized I've been granted the okay~