It’s been a while, a long while since I have shared anything of any significance… So buckle up buttercup cause here comes nothing….Not entirely nothing but more like a preview… I have not shared with any human in my world or outside my world for that matter, this is in the vein of a very personal undertaking that has an extremely high margin for failure… I am not afraid of failure as I have the ability to get over it after I dwell on it (whine, pity party or whatever I need to do to get over it). I don’t have D date set (D=do it) I’m quite sure I am not physically (big..HUGE hint) ready or if I ever will be….but anywho that is just a little of what I have going on in my otherwise vanilla life.
Other than the ☝☝ vague non news I have my second cruise in the books and looking forward to the next destination…. Just getting away and disconnecting is so therapeutic…
After getting four vaccines, a little soreness at the injection site, the only other side effect I am experiencing is lethargy. I have been sleeping more than “my” normal…. I can’t even be mad at that… Right now I’m fighting the urge to crawl in bed, but I won’t put up too much of a fight. Anytime I can get extra sleep I am going for it… even if it feels like I am being lazy… Kinda makes me want to sign up for more vaccines😜
It’s been a while since I have done any self talk, self reflection, self anything… Just having a meh day, physically hurting.. I’m in my feels, truly, madly deeply…anxiety is clawing or cloying…or both. Trying to figure out what is causing the anxiety is only causing me more of it…
I’m hungry and felt it a good segue to start the daily “what to eat” internal dialogue…
I tried for a nap after work this morning, that didn’t happen…but I did catch up with my auntie..she is a riot.
This space used to be where I often came to talk to myself and to anyone interested in my random ramblings… I don’t care to burden anyone with whiney posts…so if you got this far or take the time to read anything I post anywhere it is of your own volition. I ramble about this because I have it on good authority that anything related to me commenting on how I feel be it physically or otherwise is seen as “gushing”. So to anyone who has that takeaway… Buh bye…
Related to the above…I am in no way, shape or form making any attempt to elicit any sympathy or prayers or whatever… I simply find this easier than ” boring” a live human via face to face contact.
Moving on…
On my to-do list this weekend…
The Purge…I have books that need to go, I don’t see me reading some of the books I have, I started a database but unfortunately it doesn’t go back far enough..
Laundry… Have to start by putting the already washed, dried and folded stuff away from last week….
I’m wide awake and have been for a while now… insomnia, back pain, racing thoughts, too many thoughts… not all good, not all bad.
I may get up and indulge in coffee being that I can’t indulge in sleep.
I can’t concentrate on a new book, couldn’t get into the 3 book series I had lined up… I lost/unintentionally left a book behind… Wah..I was almost done reading it too…
It’s been a while since I have been here to have a self talk…I know I should do it more often but then life happens and I don’t.
What is going on in my world??? So much of the sameness and a whole lot of nothing new and exciting. I did put a muzzle on myself and I’ve had to yank on it when I catch myself slipping…it’s always good to know your audience and especially good to know when said audience is not interested. Am I rambling..yup yup, do I need to make sense? No…I am talking to myself and I’m not even a captive audience to myself.
I’ve been enlightened by new epiphanies…that’s always refreshing.
Muscle spasms suck balls… But who gives a shit…I forgot..and keep forgetting to take my vitamins.
And I just bored myself… so off to read or watch the boob tube then read.
Porcion 66 (4,299.88 acres), jurisdiction of Mier, was issued to Francisco Guerra. Porcion 66 is located in Starr County where Fronton, Texas is located today. Just a bit of familial history, my dad, Amando Cantu, one in a long line of heirs of Francisco Guerra.
Porcion 66👆👆 directly to the right of the L
The Shit Show Part 205 the Coronavirus from 2020 continues.
Shit Show Shit we just don’t even want to touch: The trumpery shit…nope…leaving that shit alone, shit BGONE
Shit Show Part 297 X-rays confirmed that the hardware in my back is not as tight as it was, screws are loose. (But we already knew that about me.) Surgery is thankfully not recommended at this time. Continued pain management is recommended. I hate narcotics. I’m coping/managing/living/dying/here. All is well. (NOT)
Shit Show Part 304 San Angelo’s water was contaminated with numerous chemicals, cleared for most areas but still a danger to some residents. No concrete answers have been provided, in depth information can be found using Google. I won’t bore with the details that have been made public. I could speculate, surmise or whatnot but in all fairness I do not have all the facts. Needless to say we had a few days of trying to maintain hygiene through creativity and good old fashioned common sense. Baby wipes, body wipes, facial wipes, sanitizing wipes, bottled water…I don’t have any favorites but I was ecstatic when we were given the all clear and I could get in my shower and luxuriate in a hot shower.
Shit Show Part 401 Snow, heavy snow, strong winds followed some sleet and rain…the results have not been favorable for most of Texas. Here (as in most every other city, state or municipality I have ever lived in) people are idiots on the road on the regular. Add rain, traffic accidents increase, throw in some sleet and fatalities begin to occur…mix in some snow and you get a shitfest on wheels. The State of Texas is not equipped to handle this type of weather, State workers are scrambling to order supplies and equipment to treat the roads. February 11th saw a massive 100+ car pileup with numerous fatalities and many more severely injured. Hundreds of families have been impacted, the true toll will never be truly known. It is now the 16th, we (mainly me, since I am the author of this) expect that the roads will not be completely cleared statewide for some time, a week, two…more. We are expecting rising temperatures which will help to melt some of this messy stuff….you know that white stuff called snow that looks so beautiful and postcard perfect when we look out the window…yeah I hate that white shit…
More crap, cause it’s still early in 2021.
Shit Show Part424 I started my work week last night, went home to a cold house, power had gone out between 3-4am, it came back on at some point for maybe 10 minutes. Lunch was had, yay for gas stove. ThenPart 548 of the Shit Show...discovered a burst water pipe. Had to shut the water off. Think we are going to find a plumber to come out in this crazy snow packed day? Nope, the plumbers have nice caring bosses that are not going to send them out for their safety. So no water again…oh but thankfully I had showered before the pipe busted. The man valiantly tried to fix the problem, but alas it was not feasible, but not for lack of trying, poor guy ventured out to the home improvement store 3 times. He also called plumbers and explained what was going on.
Shit showpart 696. Busted water pipe at the shelter I work at. More than 50 % of the facility was flooded. The facility directors did get restoration experts to come out, they currently have tons of equipment going, so while I thankfully have heat, water and WIFI, I also have the alarm system chirping incessantly, I have the loud humming of the huge industrial fans, the stench of wet carpet….but hey I have heat, so all is good. I can always pass out later from the fumes. First photo shows water in the janitor closet, you can see the mop bucket filling up. The second is our Children’s Activity Room (sad face)
There is a lot more Shit Showy Shit but this is a good enough summation.
Shutting down, doors, windows, head, heart, etc…so fucking exhausted, physically, mentally and every which way. Been up all night, massive headache, bitching back pain…today I don’t think I can muster the slightest pretense of normalcy. I have been putting off getting my back checked, my biggest fear would be the need for additional surgery. I’m tired of medicating. Having a difficult time concentrating on the simple things. So for now I’m going to just stay in my own space.
I am in constant pain but lately it has escalated to a level that I am having to go to my room and have my little bitch cry fest, which I prefer to do privately…I hate this, I tend to get pissy…and poor baby girl gets a side of grandma that is not the best….in all fairness I do encourage her to go home…but she wants to be here with me regardless. I don’t wish this on anyone and I am just so fucking exhausted from it…I know I have to go get answers for treatment, but I am not in any rush at this point…Will continue to stay away from doctors office until they get a handle on this current global mess. I also need to do better at monitoring my intake of drugs, sure as hell don’t need another overdose…
When I came in to work last night I had a client that was complaining of having pain (I have to take the client at their word)….so I asked if she needed to go to the ER. Client said yes, so I garb up with my mask, grab keys, wallet, hand sanitizer and inform client we are taking the van…I instruct client that for her safety as well as mine I need her to sit in the very back as far away from me as possible…that turned into a minor discussion/argument as she “felt” insulted…I calmly explained to her that I have a family I do not want exposed anymore than is necessary and she is currently pregnant so I am also taking into account her unborn child….she proceeded to call me a few choice words…just a minor verbal assault…we get to the ER and now she wants me to go in with her…she pleads…begs and refuses to get out of the vehicle…I calmly inform her that I am unable to go in with her and I need her to make a choice, go in and get checked or return back to the shelter…she chose to stay but it took a good 10 minutes for her to get out…there are a few things I tolerate, but I am not paid enough to be cussed at/verbally assaulted, I am an “Essential” employee, I do not get hazard pay. I am respectful to these clients even though many times they are quite a handful…anywho when I returned to the office I proceeded to complete incident reports and write ups…shortly thereafter she called to say she was ready to be picked up…on the way back she asked if I had written her up and how many write-ups can she get before she is asked to leave the shelter…SIGH***she was written up twice on the previous shift, her stay is precarious and she is on a behavioral contract that has been grossly violated…to be in a Domestic Violence Shelter and to verbally assault the staff is not kosher…this individual is pregnant, has a limited education, no motivation to better her situation…staff has been working with her for quite some time in trying to motivate her to complete her education…all while putting up with her atrocious behavior. I informed her that I did have two write-ups to add to her previous two and the additional ones in her file…this is not the time to be trying to get yourself kicked out of a shelter…..Some people….#bekind
Ruby Cantu 