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Disconnect…

I’m feeling a disconnect..it’s been a while since I’ve been in that place, not a good place, not a bad place either…it’s more of a limbo situation, but not in a theological sense…like someone just stepped on my power cord and pulled my plug.

I’ve been operating almost on autopilot, it’s been a good week, not busy at all, not busy with people that is, paperwork wise, yes, thankfully I’ve had plenty to keep me from going insane.

I’ve tapped into some old skills, sewing, crocheting, painting…framing some travel prints I’ve had for a while, swapped some books out for some fabric, yarn, ribbons and frames, no glass and they were plain old cheap ass vanilla frames, but I mixed some paints and I am pleased with the resulting hue. Put my paper cutter to use and now I need to decide where I will be hanging the prints.

Finished reading a painfully boring book by an author I’ve enjoyed in the past, she most definitely was off her game…but I had to see it through. Started another book last night and I’ll get back to it tonight…my sleeping has been all fuckered up this week but this is my Friday.

Trying to crochet a scarf and if my all but forgotten skills return I may try to make a throw or two….keeping some fabrics and giving a bunch away, have some for a quilt for Makenzy with some pillows…back in the day I was a pretty damn good seamstress…but my ADD pretty much did away with my interest in many things…maybe I’ll find joy in those activities again…glad I kept one of the three sewing machines I had…anywho…time to call it and try to get some sleep…

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Aye school…

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It’s actually A school…but I’ve had people ask, in a nutshell…here you go…a brief explanation…and I may have some inaccuracies as even my sailor doesn’t know what all he has in store for him.

The Navy’s Nuclear program offers extensive training as nuclear propulsion plant operators and technicians to individuals with an aptitude in mathematics and science. The standards for selection for enlistment in the Nuke program are high.

The Nuke program has three job specialties called “ratings”, they are Machinist’s Mate (MM), Electrician’s Mate (EM), and Electronics Technician (ET). The rating in which a candidate is trained is determined at the Recruit Training Center (boot camp). My son is an EM.

ELECTRICIAN’S MATE…a brief description…

It’s a long and very intense path…starting with boot camp and that first graduation, then A school…which my son has just completed…that consists of: basic knowledge of technical mathematics and a basic understanding of power distribution. Students solve basic equations using phasors, vector notations and basic trigonometry and analyze DC and AC circuits. Students demonstrate working knowledge of DC and AC motors and generators. Students learn to operate electrical equipment using controllers, and to properly test, maintain, troubleshoot, and repair electrical circuits, motors, cables, circuit breakers, and other related electrical equipment for power distribution.

Each rating has a different set of technical items that the enlistee has to master…

There are three levels each Sailor needs to complete.  There are graduation ceremonies for each one.

  1. A School
  2. Power School
  3. Prototype

Power school is what comes next after this graduation and leave…This course provides a comprehensive understanding of a pressurized-water Naval nuclear power plant, including reactor core nuclear principles, heat transfer and fluid systems, plant chemistry and materials, mechanical and electrical systems, and radiological control. All 3 ratings go through Power School.

Lastly we have Prototype: This course provides knowledge of the fundamentals of a Naval nuclear power plant and the interrelationship of its mechanical, electrical, and reactor subsystems. Students develop oral communications skills. Students understand the physical nature of nuclear radiation, its detection, interaction with matter and human health consequences, and gain knowledge of the safe operation of a complex Naval nuclear power plant and its sophisticated subsystems with an emphasis on basic industrial safety principles. Students learn to identify, troubleshoot, and correct problems in nuclear mechanical, electrical, or reactor control systems at the component level with an emphasis on reactor systems, and apply earlier technical classroom knowledge gained to the practical safe operation of Naval nuclear power plants. Officers are given the broadest understanding of the plant subsystems, and are taught command skills to effectively lead the watch team in the safe operation of a Naval nuclear power plant.

Each segment runs 6 months, rerating can occur during any phase…The academic rigors are very intense and competitive. This is tech school on speed. 8 hours of classes and then at least two hours of studying per night…mastering time management is surely a must…

 

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Life has a way of stopping me from doing more than I should be doing. Take yesterday for instance…tried weed eating, battery wasn’t fully charged, didn’t do much….tried mowing, ran over the cord, killed it…love that I can push a button and easily start my mower…just haven’t mastered the whole dragging of the cord…yard looks tarded….this morning my body just quit…it just said “silly bitch…you’re done” just like that…I retreated with my tail between my legs.

I was going to reach out to an estranged family member…caught myself…said to myself…not your turn.

Did a bit better in the laundry department…got my stuff unpacked from my little getaway, now it’ll be a week or two before I get to what I just washed. I don’t know why I can’t just get it all done right then and there.

Cooked a pot of beans, bought groceries, had carbs in mind….I got a lot of carbs. Weighed myself…I gained 5 pounds…sheesh, that shoulda gone the other way.

I had set aside some non perishable food items for Saturday’s roundup, the USPS did not pick up the food I had bagged, found someone who could use it and delivered the goods.

Spent the afternoon with my beautiful baby girl…we took out trash and she “helped” clean.

And that’s about all the unexciting blah schtuff going on around here…Only stopped by to do this while I wait for something to load on another page, I miss writing just can’t find the inspiration so once again I will lie to myself and tell myself I’m going to keep trying….

TTFN

Ruby Cantu

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Shuttles, monorails, escalators, and elevators…modern marvels from engineering greats that made Vegas a lot easier to maneuver through….now it would’ve been great if the whole city had moving sidewalks….but anywho….all of the above made it easier and made it possible for me to see as much as I could. I’m still recovering from all the walking I did, I anticipated the pain….doesn’t make it any easier but mental preparation helps.

I’ve had friends and family asking for trip pics…I don’t want to be that annoying person that posts a gazillion pictures on Facebook, so I’m posting them on my blog, that way people can decide if they want to suffer through all those pics…that’s if I’m able to post them all here…well not all…that’s too many…

I got to see my cousin Juancho at the MGM, Roger and the girls (I think Roger’s girl wanted to kill me), my bff…

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Shuttles, monorails, escalators, and elevators…modern marvels from engineering greats that made Vegas a lot easier to maneuver through….now it would’ve been great if the whole city had moving sidewalks….but anywho….all of the above made it easier and made it possible for me to see as much as I could. I’m still recovering from all the walking I did, I anticipated the pain….doesn’t make it any easier but mental preparation helps.

 

I’ve had friends and family asking for trip pics…I don’t want to be that annoying person that posts a gazillion pictures on Facebook, so I’m posting them on my blog, that way people can decide if they want to suffer through all those pics…that’s if I’m able to post them all here…well not all…that’s too many…

I got to see my cousin Juancho at the MGM, Roger and the girls (I think Roger’s girl wanted to kill me), my bff Michael and Maria and Jose who were there to celebrate 25 years of wedded bliss….also a nice variety of strippers and hoes….I did put my hands on some rock hard man candy…sorry ladies no pics of that….

 

 

So here goes….just random shots from the strip…

 

 

 

Shimmer…

I can’t say I can see the light at the end of the tunnel…so I’m going with shimmer….while I am going thru something I yet refuse to fully acknowledge or deal with…I know I can feel a shift…but while my head is still stuck in the sand I can focus on me…

For over 30 years my main role has been mother, I’m trying to put some of those day to day worries aside and take care of me…or at least pamper myself…or pay someone else to do it…with a background in the beauty industry it has been one of those things I just did for myself…this past weekend I went and got my hair cut and nails done…it was hard to not tell the stylist how to cut my hair…I know my hair…and I’ve paid anywhere from $10 to $100+ for a hair cut…normally I cut my own hair…every so often I need a little help getting the back cut…you’d think a simple cut straight across would be idiot proof…but I find myself having to educate the stylist about my hair type….nothing screams to me “walk away” when I see a stylist grab a water bottle…I chose to educate the stylist as gently as possible…she did a great job…but I had the poor thing shaking…that wasn’t my intention…but I’ve walked out of 3 salons in one day for the same thing…and then while spending mother/daughter time we decided to get our nails done….***sigh…I regret giving away my supplies…I used to also do my own nails…I am not happy with the nails….too thick, too square, too big…so last night I reshaped them…they are still too thick….I know if I mess with them any more I’ll end up ripping them off…and that’ll hurt…and fuck up my nails more than they already will be just for having artificial nails on…so yeah…maybe I am a tad too much of a picky pain in the ass….

I think I’ll stick to do it yourself…I mean myself….logo

Then the guilt sets in…for frivolously spending on myself…cause yeah….there’s other things I should be thinking about….but nope….not yet…not ready…

 

Peevish…

facesscalepain I am so over the going over my history….medical history that is…I know on the outside it all looks hunky dory…having chronic pain gets old…the mask that we learn to wear takes its toll…one would be surprised at the amount of effort involved in pulling that off….that smile…it hides a grimace…sometimes…at best it would, at worst…well I’ve been told I look mad, pissed, tired….etc…I’m tired of “looking”….what the hell am I supposed to look like? What are any of us supposed to look like…I don’t want to look like “I’m dying”….even though at times the pain is unbearable…my coping mechanisms are different…sometimes I “barrel” through it….in my world it means something different than what it would for a normal person…but sometimes I just have to punishingly plug away with mundane tasks…to take my mind off of the pain….but it tends to backfire….I want what I’ll never in my lifetime get….a pain free day…it’s kinda like with my insomnia…I’ll sleep when I’m dead…I’ll be pain free when I’m dead…I get annoyed with those that mean well…”pray” seriously? For what? there is no magical being out there that’s going to wave a magic wand and make the pain go away….there are those white coats that may “help” with their potions (drugs) but the reality is that I will be in pain for the rest of my life….different levels of it…on a good day…moderate….on a bad day…”FUCK YOU AND YOUR MOMMA TOO”….I get to where I hurt so much I can’t stand myself….I just want to be alone…nobody asking “what’s wrong?” “FUCK YOU” that’s what’s wrong….I know, I know, people mean well, friends mean well….but it really does get old….who wants to hear someone bitch and moan constantly about every little thing that hurts…or the same ole, same ole….I tried to google “What does pain look like?” I couldn’t find anything that could describe it, but I don’t recommend typing that in google…it was kind of revolting…pain apparently looks like pus filled lumps, bumps and hemorrhoids…..yup, hemorrhoids….like a visual of an asshole turned inside out is an adequate representation….I suppose next time someone asks me how I’m doing I’ll have it in the back of my head that I look like an inside out asshole……

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