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The Therapy

shhh

Therapy for me involves pain, self-inflicted mind you…I took to the back yard and took advantage of the cool morning and wet ground to work on getting some of those stickers and weeds out. I tend to become enthralled with the task at hand, stupidly I was in flip-flops, a couple of times I almost amputated a foot…at the very least a few toes…but I persevered. I stopped a few times, I had some help in the form of a three-year old ready to wield her garden tools…or mine….more than likely the ground will be dry and hard tomorrow so it’s good that I did as much as I did…

Therapy part 2….the sun…my vitamin D levels were quite low at my last check up…I was prescribed a once a week high dose of the D in a green gel cap that is an ordeal to down…I don’t intend to refill the prescription…I will spend more time outside getting it from the source along with cancer of the epidermis.

The Therapy part 3….the quiet…the best part of my self-imposed therapy. I am by nature an introvert…I fake the extrovert almost to perfection…but indulging in quiet time is a feel good must…

Therapy part 4…getting in the zone…the zen zone…I have had a couple of anxiety attacks as of late…annoying more than anything….I have so much going on and I am not one to share…a retraction to this statement….I do share a big portion of me with a few chosen trusted individuals, but the things I have to fix on my own…well that I keep to myself…I don’t see the point in unloading on anyone…in the end when I do find resolution it makes everything feel silly and trivial….

Therapy part 5…getting back to writing….writing has always been therapeutic for me…it’s a way to lay bare some of my burdens without creating a burden for any poor well-meaning friend that might want to offer an ear…I am good at bending ears from time to time…but for now I have an overwhelming need to just shut the fuck up.

The Silence

Crucially important for me to take this time to be pensive with the floaters in my head…so much going on, not interested in a sit down with anyone, I do my best at resolutions when I play my own devil’s  advocate. I’ll be doing a lot of reading to shut the voices down when I get tired of hearing myself..

Here’s me talking to myself…I may be doing some of that as well….no telling…I just don’t feel like people-ing for a while…of course those eight hours on the clock are not included…nor is the time with my precious baby…

so tata for now

shh

Not positive feels, just feels…feels just about as I anticipate it’s gonna go. I feel it creeping, the morbosity rears its head….it’s not where I can reel it in…I suppose I could but I won’t….there’s the free will, free willy feel to it. Feelings, nothing more than feelings….bewilderment, nah…seen it before, lived it before….’twas the reason I halted the concept of the feels years ago…irritated, yup, ran the gamut with that one with a nonsensical yo-yo-ing. Will I feel despondent, devastated, distraught? Will I want to know the why? Nope, already 17 steps ahead…or 19….somewhere in there….I feel it in the air, I could slice it, dice it then spice it up and I won’t….

See the thing about putting the feels out there is that as a consequence those feels will feel pretty bombastic….

giphy

Predictability…

Things in my life sometimes seems to follow a path of predictability…….the calm before the storm, the ebb and flow of friendships, relationships, the everydayness….me…from head to toe, on Monday thru Friday when I make my way to work…I might groom my eyebrows and add some moisturizer…and call that good, oh, maybe a small clip to hold my hair up, or an elastic to put it in a ponytail…or a pencil to keep it off my face…very predictable…when I am at home…it’s pj’s , sweats…whatever is comfortable…no makeup, and hair piled on my head…now when it comes to going out…I do fix my hair…I like variety in my look, straight, curl…either natural or manufactured…I’m not the only predictable one…I see so many friends sporting the same hairstyle from 5, 10 or more years…same with makeup….same tired daytime smoky eye, winged eyeliner, same 5 year old hairstyle…I guess if it works…you work it…more often than not it works you and not in a good way…..

and in other areas….relationships…sigh…such a sucktastic friend or unfriend that I am….I get bored with myself and then I start overthinking every minute nuance and then I let it go…not so good there….

I seem to have lost my train of thought…so I leave this with an incomplete thought…the princess beckons…

What a night….whew…

surviving-the-week

So I drive up to work, park, all the while keeping an eye on the car up the street, that is just sitting there, engine running, lights on, in the middle of the street. I gather my gear, punch my code in, go in, see the car on camera slowly drive by my car, up the street…it makes a U-turn and pulls up behind me….try to pull up the camera that might help us see who is the vehicle, no luck, mouse is frozen…walk up to the door, take a look….still can’t see who is in the car…tinted windows….head back to the office…sit there looking at the monitor…nobody gets out, car is still running…we are held hostage….this is shift change….my coworker cannot safely leave and I cannot go on transport…time to call the popo….great response time…within 2 minutes we have popo’s surrounding the building, and the car…they approach the car, then come to the door….and let me know it’s someone that wants to come in…I get a name….and the bells go off….we’ve had some drama before with this one…..sigh…anywho…it took 45 minutes to get the situation under control, more popo’s, and a hapless cab driver….then time to go pick up the person waiting on me….so now I am out an hour and a half of time I could’ve been using to catch up on work….

Next…a visitor to my office…just wants to talk…and talk….and talk…about nothing cohesive…

Next….an accident….sigh….call ambulance…

Next…a trip to the ER….and then I’m back…

Next….the visitor again….NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next….another transport….

Next….open the gate…and then the other gate is open and a glitch has it tripping….

Next…dispensing meds x’s 10…

Next….the visitor….and I’m been told what a great listener I’ve been…I wasn’t…

Next…got locked out…..

Next….wah….it just kept going and going….I need another day off….

Hello world. I’d like to introduce you to my brother and his art.

art

Here (↑↑) is  a picture of him putting the finishing touches to one of his works. His pieces evoke a juxtaposition between differing themes…stand back and let the art speak to you.

While he is new to trying to get his artwork out to a bigger audience he has been honing his skills over the years.

You can explore more through his Facebook artist page here: Daniel Santos Cantu Gallery

Here are a couple of other samplings of his work.

nop

mano

car

 

Sunday I cuddled with my snotty love bug, she sneezed on me, wiped her snot on me…and loved on me…she needed comforting and she got it…in return I got lots of germy love and once again that tiny bundle of joy made me sick.

This has been going on all week…I finally broke down and called in…I hate calling in….but I hope the extra R&R will have me back to normal.

Next time she sneezes in my direction I will banish her.

On the plus side all this misery has taken 5 pounds off….not sure from where….and I’m off to binge on Narcos, hot tea, honey, Nyquil and chicken broth.narcos_main

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