My time in this place I have called home for the last 17+ years is coming up….I feel like I’m done here, I have a strong desire to just be gone…I have until the end of next year. I want my youngest to not have the trauma of being uprooted his last year. But I have found it difficult to shop for a home in another city via the internet…just doing it here locally sucks…photos can be manipulated to give the impression that it is a good neighborhood, street views, interior and exterior shots….sigh….so I have made a decision that has sucked the life out of me and sent me into a depressive state. I’ve decided to stay. I have things to consider like logistics and expenses….due to my physical limitations I can’t have certain things…stairs, big yards…which I don’t need. I just need a small space. I am already slowly packing stuff up…taking pictures off the wall. Packing up dishes and thinking of just giving everything away….I hate moving, I hate asking people to help…even if those people are my own kids. I hate not having the physical strength to do it on my own. I don’t need a lot of the things I have accumulated over the years….my biggest collections that mean anything are my books and clothes….and of course all the photos of the kids and a few keepsakes….but that is still a lot of crap. I’ve been dismantling my library….giving books away as soon as I am done….I’ll be using towels to keep breakables from breaking….my son is bringing me boxes so I can start….small boxes that I can manage…by the end I’ll probably have 20,000+ boxes….but they’ll be manageable….but I’ll be trying to sell 2 dining tables, sofa, loveseat, bookcases….and I’m sure a ton of other crap. This next chapter of my life will be just me….there have been some relationships with family that will never be recovered and while sad I also realize that I’m better off without the negativity…I have my own negativity to deal with…don’t need anyone else’s…wah…I’m off to have me a pity party….
What? Yeah…..some trends that have been growing exponentially….on Facebook most days I feel like I don’t know the place anymore….I used to enjoy my drop-ins and contributions to make someone smile or think….nowI feel like I accidentally stumbled back in time and I’m in church….the Church of Facebook….where there are all sorts of condemnations…..or back when I’d drop in at the town’s local pancake and coffee shop and the old timers would get into heated discussions over politics….***SIGH**** I do miss the old Facebook….I know some of the going ons are trends, the pet posting, the trout pout pics, etc, etc….anywho I’ll stop bitching about that….
Day off from job 1, so much to do and waiting on motivation, savoring my coffee…still doing laundry, have ironing to do, clothes to put away,a vacuum to run, a list of things I want to put together and photograph and hopefully sell, if not off to freecycle. I also have to try to finish my haircut….I can get one side just right or close enough to where it does what I want to, but I get challenged with the other side, I’ll eventually get it to where I’m okay with it or where I give up and let it grow out again.
My cup is almost dry…so I’ll be wrapping things up, shower, haircut, ironing station setup, may watch a movie while I do that….then I’m hoping for a nap before I go to job 2…..I want to enter a drawing for maid service for a year….and win….where do I sign up????
Stupid is as stupid does, and I have been on a roll. I suffered a bit with hyperactivity a couple of days ago….couldn’t keep myself to any single task…consequently I hand washed my car, I worked on scraping paint off the coffee table, I baked lemon bars, I did laundry, I swept, I vacuumed (not that it looks like I did) then I piddled around starting other things that I just didn’t get to completing….and what did I get for all this….yeah this is where the stupid part comes in…PAIN….lots of fucking back pain…I almost didn’t want to stop everything I was doing, once I stop I start to intensely feel the aftereffects of all my moving around, bending, stooping, stretching, pulling and pushing…**SIGH*** when will LIFE (without pain) go back to “normal” (whatever the fuck normal is…)
Had another session of dramatics…not a fan of that….I’d much rather pull my eyelashes out one by one…or shave my toes…but all is well now…gotta go wake the kidlets up…
Nowadays when we want to get the latest on local news we turn to FB, (that would be Facebook) if there’s been breaking news, or a break up, or even a make-up and no not the makeup we put on our faces, but the relationship kind….if it rains, what the current temperature is, you name it and more than likely someone has posted about it. I’m hardly surprised at what people post, someone (a long time ago) left the bag of idiots open and quite a few got out, some have been recaptured and tamed, but there are still quite a few roaming free and reproducing. I happen to be related to some that should have never reproduced, yes it’s mean to say it, but I think those idiots are meaner than I could ever be. Those same idiots have had no shame posting their disdain for their offspring and not in a joking manner, I’ve seen some (which shall remain nameless to protect their offspring) who have posted publicly how they hate their children and wished them to have never been born. Yes quite dramatic but sadly true. Said idiots have been banned from my social (networking) life. And because I too have called my own children idiots I feel I need to clarify, mind you that I do clarify for my own children as well, they are not idiots, they simply do idiotic things, and before someone thinks me a hypocrite, I am to blame for some of the idiotic behavior of my children, I am their mother and father so all blame is automatically shifted to me. That’s just how the cookie crumbles in my house.
Sorry I got distracted with the FB tangent….I was on the subject of rain, or rather the lack of it, for over an hour I enjoyed the light show (lightning) and the thunder and even the teasing smell of rain, but alas not a single drop from the sky fell around me….and yes FB and the peeps and peepettes there were posting about the rain they got, they are but a few miles away….so what gives mother nature? Well not that i expect her to reply to my question….I know the answer, it just is not meant to be, at least not today.
Boy number two has been asking just about everyday if I’m going anywhere…but now I know who will be ready to go with me to the grocery store early Sunday morning. I promised him he could drive there and back. Now that could be an idiotic move on my part, but hopefully we survive it, if not well there will be one less idiot on the road, (or two).
I miss you and not in the I haven’t seen you or talked to you in a while kind of way…..but in the I miss you because I can’t be with you kind of way.
I lay here distracted from the possibility of sleep with thoughts I can’t share with you. There is not a person I feel I can open up to…about the things that keep me awake. I have me, and while I can keep myself in good company alone I don’t have the warmth of you. Just this miserable Texas heat.
I have a pile of books I need to catalog before I reshelf them or is it reshelve? Well it’s one or the other…and I need to get it done.
I cooked 2 pots of beans this weekend….and my beaners scarfed them up. Must buy more beans….and rice and potatoes…and chicken…the staples of a poor Mexican pantry. Must find new and exciting ways to cook this stuff.
If you were here you would know all this.
I need a mani/pedi, haircut, wax, facial and massage….basically what I need is a spa day. I think I can do all here, minus the massage….unless I plug-in my back massager.
I’ll quit babbling now….ILU.
Spring Break is right around the corner, along with Daylight Saving Time which starts on March 13 at 2 a.m. just in time to make us all discombobulated for St. Patrick‘s Day. Batten down the hatches and give me some green beer bitches.
My back has been a pain in the ass…well almost…it is hurting close to my ass…lower back, right side now…usually it is my left side with leg numbness thrown in the mix. So far not much of that on the right…hope not either, I need to be able to feel…besides trying to stand up and not being able to completely feel your legs is not cool. I’ve been once again hitting the bottle…not the sauce but the pain meds. This week I am doing very little, need to get my back to stop hurting like a mofo…got a road trip ahead and I’d hate for it to be completely miserable. As it is we will be visiting family and we all know that in and of itself can be quite painful.
This morning I finally finished unpacking from my girls weekend…now it is time to pack again, secure a housesitter and all the other shtuff that needs to be done.
Currently on my pet peeve need to bitch about it radar are cell phones…or more like cell phone users that are attached to their devices. Nothing like inviting people for a get together you haven’t seen in a while and they proceed to spend the next 2 hours on their phones. RUDE and obnoxious…and not happening again….I’d rather sit alone than across from someone clearly not present….there off my chest…feel a tad bit better.
I think I just burned 5% off my back with my heating pad….sheesh.
Much like the movie with the one pair of jeans, but with a more realistic one size fits all item to pass around.
A while back I stumbled upon a place that called my attention, a place for women my age (yes OLDER). I will not share its location because I want to remain selfish in that way…if you really want to know I’ll PM you the address.
I then stumbled upon a thread that was started by another member with the idea of connecting women through a bracelet and journal…it has finally made its way to me, and all I can say it is an indescribable feeling to be a part of this group. I get to keep these items for ten days before I send them off to the next person…here’s some pics of the journal and bracelet.
It had been quite a while since I had traveled back “home” –the Rio Grande Valley- Fronton, TX to be exact. The boys had wanted to make the trip to see their cousins and I needed/wanted to see my oldest son and of course visit with family. Family consists of my younger brother, his wife, my 2 nieces and nephew along with a smattering of other family members that I got to see. I don’t go out of my way to visit everyone, never have and probably never will. I did see my dad’s youngest sister and his oldest brother; I also saw one cousin and her daughter, my ex in laws and of course the ex.
Our visit lasted less than a week but seemed longer to me. I did manage to get some much needed sleep…. my first night (Tuesday) was quite restful and the following day I even got a nap, actually had a few naps which did me a world of good.
Thursday evening we (SIL & Boy #2) made the trip to Edinburg, which is about an hour and a half away from my brother’s home to pick up my oldest. His car is still in disrepair from the accident he was involved in a while back. (Uninsured motorist hit him, so he has to fix his car on his own.) Son had Friday off and of course the weekend.
My brother took Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off, Wednesday he took Boy’s # 2 & 3 out fishing and they brought enough fish in for a fish fry.
Evenings we sat outside listening to the gunshots going off in the distance right across the border. The escalating drug and gang wars have changed the landscape of the once peaceful place we call home. During the day dark smoke billows across the border where car bombs have been set off, buildings and homes set on fire, peoples lives and livelihoods just destroyed. In years past we would walk across the bridge into Mexico or drive across for lunch or shopping, nobody is doing that anymore.
While sitting inside chatting with my SIL my youngest comes in to tell us that there is a white van with green out in front, we take a peek and see that it is the Border Patrol, not an uncommon sight for them, but my kids had not been exposed to it. I look out my nephews window and see two BP officers outside the vehicle, two kids sitting on the ground, my first thought was “darn, poor kids they barely got to taste freedom, they probably just wanted a better life” my nephew is quick to point out, they probably are carrying drugs. I feel sorry for the ones coming here seeking a better way of life, but I cannot agree with the way in which they are going about getting here.
Now on to the good stuff, the food, I took care of overindulging all my cravings for Tex-Mex and local favorites. My brother and SIL did more than their fair share of cooking and we ate out a couple of times. I am definitely feeling heavier, my belly is bloated and happy even though I will be detoxing for the next few days.
Other highlights…well both boys got their first driving lessons from mom, they both did well, but Boy # 2 “knows” everything so it was easier to teach Boy # 3. I’m not sure when they will get behind the wheel again. I also took the time to visit the cemetery, drive around and take random pictures here and there and I was disappointed I wasn’t able to get closer to the river but it just isn’t safe to do so.
And finally…I’m glad to be home.
I came to hell AKA Austin, Texas on Wednesday, I did my pre admission and lab work then had to come back to the hospital and give them some of my blood. Then went out for dinner, then back to the hotel.
Thursday was a long day of waiting around then on to my next Dr. visit…after that met up with the Fabulous Laurie Zieber http://www.lauriezieber.com/Home.html She Speaks to Inspire fame.
We enjoyed a little visit then went off to get some sleep…not very much sleep on either count.
Friday (EARLY) morning we heard our wake up call, which neither one of us wanted to listen to….but slowly we made it, took a few wrong turns, but got there in good time, didn’t have to wait to long, got escorted real quick.
I got into my surgical attire and then proceeded to get screwed. Not sure how many screws were used this time….
I woke up and felt pain relief on my back, but my belly is still swollen and tender.
And I just got out of bed, I didn’t take any steps, but it felt good to move.
I had many friends and family doing their prayerfull thing and I truly apprecitate every single person who has extended their heartfelt wishes for/to me.