Spring Break is here~

Spring break is here….yay….that’s about all I’ve got as far as enthusiasm for this school break. I do get to enjoy having the boys at home with me for a week. They get to stay up all night and sleep all day, pancakes and/or waffles for breakfast and if I am up for it we may even attempt to get out for a movie. I won’t make any plans, plans and I don’t get along all that well….

More than anything I just wish I could get away….I am so ready to make like a banana and split. I need a get away, I need it as much as a crack head needs his next fix. I must work on my patience…yes, that is a funny…so you can do the haha right now. I have been doing patience since June of last year….actually a lot longer than that…but late June marks the moment in time when I became this damn cripple.

The thoughts of suicide and homicide are not as intense as they have been, but I am not in the clear….neither are the idiots that might piss me off and make it to my hit list. Yes, Virginia, I have a hit list. Wanna know who is on it? Well if I were to tell you…I’d have to kill you.

I can’t recall if I made mention that I finally baked the chocolate hazelnut pie…but I did and let me tell you…it was/is freaking delish….there is still some left and if the kids do not help themselves to it I will. I have no shame and I have no need to worry about losing my girlish figure…if I become this big fat hot mess well so be it….ask me if I care…and I’d have to tell you…I don’t care. I have a solution for a big fat ass…fat jeans and elastic…sweats….and big shirts.

some pushing (wheelchair) may be required~

I also have an announcement…I am single and ready to mingle…and I don’t want to imply that mingling means trolling for a man (I have no use for a man)….because that is not what my mingling means. I am just ready to start getting out and about. So who knows this week with the boys may be a good time to start getting out.


The Ex Files ~ Part II

road trip thru hell

Routines were being established in their marriage, but soon that would change, unexpectedly her husband announced a move, not to a nearby town, but to a different state entirely. It was what she had always wanted, to be far away from those that caused her so much pain at home. Her mother was the one that had caused her many times to sit in her room and visit the thoughts of suicide, sometimes these thoughts would get very sweet when they turned into thoughts of killing her mother. Why should she end her own life when she hadn’t asked for anything that had happened to her, why not make her abuser pay for all the wrongs with her own life. Yes, those thoughts always brought a smile to her face, she could taste the sweetness and it made her smile just to sit there and envision the many ways she would one day make her pay.

Moving day came in a blur; there wasn’t much to pack or enough room to bring more things with them. They packed their clothing and a few dishes, they weren’t traveling alone, and another family was traveling with them. Her sister-in-law and her husband and their two kids, along with the young couple and their three month old son soon got settled into the two door car. They would be driving for 24 hours with a minimum of stops for fuel and to change drivers. The hours seemed unending and tense, the constant whining of the kids and the crying baby were getting on her nerves. All she could look forward to was arriving at their destination and dropping the other family off and getting along on their way.

After looking at her watch and counting the hours that had already been spent on the road, she began looking at the signs, checking for the number of miles to their final destination. She dared not ask as the amount of tension in the small vehicle had grown exponentially and everyone was on edge.

Finally she saw what she had been hoping she wouldn’t miss- the sign, 78 miles to go. She decided she would try to get a bit of sleep for these last few miles. That was too much to ask for, the baby was tired of being strapped in and wet and hungry and wanting to be held, and all at once everyone began to chastise her for not keeping her son quiet.

The baby sensing the tension let out an ear splitting loud howling noise, nothing would pacify him now, she had to make him stop but everyone was screaming at her to shut him up, tears began to form in her eyes. Silently she begged them all to stop so that the baby would quiet down, had she spoken up nobody would have heard her, the other two kids had also joined in with the crying.

Finally they arrived, the doors to the car opened, the trunk was opened too, out came boxes and small makeshift suitcases. It was a relief to say goodbye to them and all she wanted to do now was get back in the car and go to their final destination where they could go and live alone and away from his family.

 Disclaimer:**Given the nature of the books I have been reading lately I am inspired to write a few short stories revisiting parts of my life that included episodes of domestic violence….I will be calling this series “The Ex Files” very clever right….lol….I thought so….it will be an amalgamation of my personal experiences steeped with those of others that I was very close to. The parallels are uncanny in some instances….but the patterns of abusers and abusees are almost always the same…it’s like the same behaviors are either taught to the next generation or there are some secret classes being held somewhere in some secret location.**


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