Shifty nights…

I love the night shift and the daytime freedom it provides me…lately I have spent more time on my night audits and it is refreshing to discover that someone else can appreciate an esoteric parlance, albeit only in writing, but it sure makes for interesting reading. Due to the nature of most of our clients we are reminded to keep to a nondescript style of writing….well that has taken a life of its own and most case notes could be just copied and inserted in each individual file as they all sound the same, but then there is Ms. HR, gotta love her colorful use of language and the kicker is that she uses it in the correct context…anywho…enough of that…

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to feeling like I am dying…I took it upon myself to get or try to get the yard work done…well got the front done (except for the weed eating) and then I half assed the backyard…my body just gave out. consequently I am still paying for it…I don’t feel like I can even ask my # 2 to help…and I surely cannot afford to pay someone to come and do it….so buttercup sucks it up….by the time I recover I’ll be repeating the process as the rain has kick started the growth….and from a distance it looks okay…and I feel like I haven’t uttered the words enough…but here goes, I hate my body, I hate that it betrays me, that on the outside to anyone looking at me I look the picture of health…far from it, I have a useless piece of shit carcass to drag around and it’s only going to get worse…and pity party over….

that’s all I’s got…

56 things~

The news today wasn’t good….but I guess I have made a decision….

…and this time I will be prepared…..I found this list of things to do while recovering from surgery….some sound fun…

I'm hanging....
I'm hanging....
  1. Download music (legally) from the Internet; fill up your ipod from itunes
  2. Randomly explore the internet; see what the rest of the world is searching for using Google Trends
  3. Play games that can be played by yourself. There’s an amazing variety of games now available – here’s a great list. Develops thinking skills, pattern recognition, etc.
  4. Read (or listen to) the classics: To Kill a Mocking Bird, A Catcher in the Rye, The Grapes of Wrath, The Old Man and the Sea , The Great Gatsby, The Call of the Wild, War and Peace. These books are almost always available from your library, and often on sale at the large book stores.
  5. Listen to books on CD. Sometimes it’s easier to listen to a book than to read, very relaxing.
  6. Have your kids read to you
  7. Play classic board games with your kids – Monopoly, Scrabble…
  8. Rent a season of a TV series that you had always wanted to see. Entourage is hilarious. Or rent an old series, like Cheers or The Dick Van Dyke Show.
  9. Download books from, e.g. from www.netlibrary.com
  10. Do crossword puzzles or Sudoko puzzles or print up some kakuro, which are number versions of crossword puzzles
  11. Play the guitar (or learn to), or ask someone to play an instrument or sing for you.
  12. Watch old movies. This is great if you are feeling fuzzy from the pain medications – the classic old movies are slow-moving, so it’s easy to follow the plot
  13. On a budget? Rent movies from the library instead of from the video store – it’s usually a fraction of the price and you can keep the movie for a week.
  14. Enjoy Xbox or Nintendo, Gameboy, Sony PSP, or any handheld electronic games
  15. Some like the handheld game of Simon – it’s not too difficult, so good if the pain medications are affecting your concentration
  16. Read the entire Harry Potter series (no these books are not just for kids, the stories and characters are riveting!)
  17. If you prefer, read the original magical book series, The Narnia Chronicles by C.S. Lewis
  18. For the women – give yourself a manicure, a facial, look through magazines to find a new hair style you’d like to try
  19. Read the entire New York Times – that will take at least a half a day!
  20. Go sit out on your deck or porch for awhile each day and get some fresh air
  21. Get free therapy online and make friends with other people who are in similar situations on the Spine-health.com Discussion Forum: “…finding this site and spending time here was a great help during recuperation – both in regard to having something to do but also for learning and understanding about our surgeries and recovery, and also being able to help and assist others here – that’s why I am still active here 7 months after surgery.”
  22. Start a Carepage – an online diary that allows you to chronicle your recovery and automatically notifies your network of friends and family each time you update it.
  23. E-mail a loved one who is having difficulty empathizing with your condition and invite him or her to view the Message Board so they can see what you and others in your condition have to go through
  24. Talk with others real time who are laid up in similar situations in an online Chat Room
  25. Read and comment on blogs that deal with recovery from surgery; or start your own blog!
  26. Connect with an old friend who you’ve lost touch with. Try sending him or her a card or letter via old fashioned mail.
  27. Learn to meditate and practice practice practice. Meditation is great for reducing stress and producing an overall feeling of calm and well being, all of which contributes to healing.
  28. Scrapbooking and putting all those old pictures in an album. Use … to create online photo albums of all your digital prints
  29. Plan ahead for your next vacation – research and plan it online.
  30. Become on expert on a specific subject – rent documentaries, read books, and use Google Scholar to do free online research on a certain subject. Ancient Greece? Bird watching? History of golf? Research and learn all about whatever interests you.
  31. Sort out pile of mail, bills, catalogues etc., that has been piling up on kitchen counter since before your surgery.
  32. Put your financials online with Quickbooks or a similar financial management program.
  33. Make some gifts the old fashioned way – knit or crochet a baby blanket for someone who’s expecting a baby soon, needlepoint something to decorate the baby’s nursery, or make advance holiday gifts.
  34. Learn the almost-lost art of lace making
  35. Learn to write left handed (or right handed, if you’re a lefty) to exercise a new part of your brain
  36. Inventory all the stuff you want to get rid of around the house and garage, and sell it on E-Bay
  37. Get started on that novel you’ve always wanted to write
  38. Make a Honey-do (or handyman) list for all those odd jobs that need to get done around the house
  39. Help build the online encyclopedia Wikipedia by editing or starting any topic where you have expertise
  40. Learn origami and create beautiful origami gift boxes or figures
  41. Learn calligraphy and make your handwritten notes gorgeous! This is especially valuable if you have horrible handwriting like mine…
  42. Create list of recipes that are easy to prepare that you can make once you’re up and around but still recovering. Here’s a list of spine-friendly recipes
  43. Every day write a short thank you (or love note) to the person who is caring for you and put it in the same place for them to find each day.
  44. Write thank you notes to everyone in the hospital who was helpful to you
  45. Pray in your own way.
  46. E-mail thank you notes to all the websites you found especially helpful (hint, hint!) … makes all the hard work worth it J
  47. Read online verses from the bible about healing and related topics
  48. Anytime you reach out to help someone else in need, you will feel better. Less lonely. Less depressed. Volunteer with an organization that allows you to call and talk to people who are lonely (such as people in nursing homes or people confined to their house).
  49. If you don’t yet have a cause that you’re passionate about, research one online (start here) and make a plan to start donating your time and energy to something you care about once you can get around
  50. Be an excellent host or hostess – send out invitations to your friends and family, schedule visits, greet your visitors enthusiastically even when you’re in pain, and encourage them to talk about themselves and their lives. It will go a long way to help take your mind off your situation, and will make it a pleasant visit all around.
  51. If you can’t walk much yet, have someone drive you to Wal-Mart or Target and ride one of the rascal scooters.
  52. Just walk walk walk. Try to gradually work up to 10,000 steps a day
  53. Wear a pedometer to encourage you to walk whenever possible
  54. Get comfortable shoes for walking that are easy to get on and off. Crocs are a favorite – they’re lightweight, slip on so you don’t have to bend over to get them on or off, and have some traction to help avoid slipping.
  55. Walk on a treadmill and set a progressive goal (e.g. go for 2 minutes longer each day) that is OK’d by your doctor. Chart your progress each day so you have a visual confirmation of how far you’ve come!
  56. Sign up for a water therapy – it’s very gentle on your back, as the water supports you while you exercise and prevents any jarring motion.

Death by fan~

Death by fan…and I don’t mean a fan like the world loves me and I have someone who has an intense, occasionally overwhelming liking and enthusiasm for me…I used to have a fan base and a fan club, back in the day when I was all hotness and whatnot, but that was before I became all crippled and old. I was 7 years old…I mean 17….

Off with their heads~
Off with their heads~

Death by fan…and I mean a ceiling fan, I’m sitting here at my desk and I have the ceiling fan overhead making these horrific noises, I can’t decide if the thing wants to fall on me or is mutating into an airplane propeller. It sounds loud enough to power a 747.

I’m hoping the thing doesn’t decide to quit working on me, I am an old menopausal women, I am currently unemployed  not working due to being incapacitated and even incapable of earning a living on my back. I am no longer getting disability benefits either…and do not be mistaken, dear gentle reader, this is not me whining about life because it sucks, I’m just stating my reality. Life is good, after all I am here to suck up the air around me.

 

$omebody'$ gonna pay~
$omebody'$ gonna pay~

 

So anyhoo…I’ll be back tomorrow to let you know if my fan kills me or not, wait…duh, if my fan kills me (because my fan is directly over my body when I am in bed) then I won’t be back, and this could possibly be the last blog you read from me, oh the horror, well for your sake, actually for the sake of my children lets hope I wake up. Two of them would be complete bastards and I would hate to burden the oldest with his brothers.

I am tired, but not ready for bed, since getting back yesterday evening I have been on my back, my back is tired and sore, the areas that were jabbed are swollen and tender, I have not been able to put my brace on due to the pain….but aside from that I haven’t had much use for it, I’ve only been up to get water refills and to flush out my liquid intake (yes I mean getting up to go to the pisser, it’s a pisser because I live with boys, if I had a girl I’d call it the powder room).

 

Preferably purple please~
Preferably purple please~

 

Tomorrow I’m hoping I’ll have energy to get me to the grocery store, I highly doubt it but I can have hope….I probably should begin working on my grocery list so I can send the boys out…actually what I would love to do is just get out of the house and forget I am a damn crip (not a gang banger~ it’s my short hand for crippled ass). Just get out and have a lunch somewhere, have a menu brought to me, have my order taken and ***snap out of it….okay, I just slapped myself out of my momentary lapse into fantasy land….

 

Dream a little dream~
Dream a little dream~

 

My reality is more mundane, so much so that I am beginning to loathe the questions

  1. “How are you?”
  2. “What are you doing?”
  3. “What’s new?”

I can summarize this really quick here: 

  1. I am still in pain.
  2. Same old same old…laying around.
  3. Not much.

My life is G~ How’s yours?

  

 

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