That’s about all I can muster, my last day off was Easter…by the look of things I won’t have a day off until next month….I am exhausted and hurting….I think the constant pain is just draining me. But I have things to do, places to go and people to see…getting boy # 2’s checking account set up, a two-day affair, but at least that’ll get done without him having to miss school. I still need to get them both in to see their doctor for immunizations…need groceries again, laundry…neverending list of domestic chores…sigh***
Also visited with a banker about a possible refinance, laughably my debt to income ratio is high, my only “real” debt being the house….FMH. If I could secure a one year lease on the rental then that would help…but can’t do that at this point….anywho I think I’ll try for a nap before I go to work…I hate not being fully alert….
Mr. Sandman and I finally got together….woohoo. Though I may have been more drunkenly passed out as opposed to actually sleeping. I feel rested and that is all that matters. I’m still in bed, I wasn’t too kind to my back, so it is retaliating against me, I fed her some pain meds so all I can do now is take it easy.
In this corner we have Ruby Cantu and on this corner we have Insomnia da Bitch…I think I am loosing the battle but I am not giving in. I need sleep, why can’t I just go to bed like normal people do and close my eyes, fall asleep and dream about…well whatever, I would even welcome a nightmare…anything as long as sleep was involved.
I’ve been trying to finish reading a book up for review, normally I can read a book a day, sometimes even two, with this one I have at least another week before I can get through it…that drives me nuts…I just can’t read at a faster pace, too many grammatical distractions.
I made some tortilla soup yesterday…it was good….went very well with watermelon.
The weekend was pretty much a laid back one, watched some TV and watched it crawl back to Monday in slow motion. In a couple of hours I’ll be headed out for day 4 of PT….maybe that’ll help me sleep.
This lack of sleep business is just for the dogs…I am so mentally dead, I keep thinking eventually I’ll read myself to sleep…but it hasn’t happened…instead I find myself breezing through hundreds of pages, book after book, when I get tired of reading a book, I put it down and move on to a magazine, or will give my fingers and hands a break from holding a book and paging thru it. I get online and breeze thru the same familiar places….
Yesterday was not a good day, I popped pain pills every 2-3 hours, not smart…I know, but the pain was too caustic…I’m still hurting but today I can’t seem to swallow any pills, I tried, my throat shuts down and I can’t get it down….
Yes today is a day to contemplate a shortened shelf life. There is no way I want to be around for another 20 years in this condition, heck even the though of a few tomorrows like this makes me go into my dark place.
whine over…off to bed….again…wish me luck with that shit called sleep….
….and away they go…the days that is. Sometimes it seems that days just drag on and on…and other times they go by in a blur. These last few days have beem a blur….and I wish more days would go by in a blur. I am not accepting of my current situation and my mind is set on thinking the more days behind me the sooner I’ll be where I need to be.
I am off to take a nap….that’ll help make the days go by quicker in a blur and whatnot….not sleepy just yet so I’ll be reading hoping I can put myself to sleep that way. Laterz.
I was trying to sleep, didn’t happen…so I got out of bed and picked up a book, read about 250 pages and tried for sleep again, nope, didn’t happen. Again I rolled out of bed and picked up the book and finished the last 200 pages and thought to myself, “self, try again”. so I went back to bed once again to try for some sleep. Didn’t work, shuffled over to my bookcase and selected another book and read about 197 pages and thought to myself, “self, try again”….and again sleep eludes me. But my eyes are tired of reading and my left hand got tired of holding a book as my right hand was used to furiously page through it. I finally decided to forgo the thought of sleep and shuffled back into the kitchen and got my pot of coffee going, I moved things around the counter as my one cup brewed, and when it was done brewing I poured the hot steaming substance into my cup, which incidentally has a new bigger chip on the rim. It is still a keeper. I won’t rid myself of it anytime soon…unless I rip my lip off…even then I may still keep it, it is part of a set….
I’ve received a few emails expressing concern as to where I’ve been and my neglected blog. The answer is quite complicated. I’ve been to some dark places and visited dark souls and have had more darkness deposited on me than I had to begin with. But ever the trooper that I am, I embrace the darkness and make it a part of who I will one day be. I am well, I have been better and the discovery of this long dark and lonely road I am on will either make me or break me. I highly suspect it will make me…not quite sure if that’s good or bad…and what the outcome will be.
I am off to read through the many emails that I have, reply to family as they take priority and if I manage to get some sleep later on I will tackle returning phone calls.
Thank you all for your care and concern, if indeed you care and were concerned, if you are here just reading to read between the lines and see things that aren’t really what you think they are, I thank you as well.
I came to hell AKA Austin, Texas on Wednesday, I did my pre admission and lab work then had to come back to the hospital and give them some of my blood. Then went out for dinner, then back to the hotel.
Thursday was a long day of waiting around then on to my next Dr. visit…after that met up with the Fabulous Laurie Zieber http://www.lauriezieber.com/Home.html She Speaks to Inspire fame.
We enjoyed a little visit then went off to get some sleep…not very much sleep on either count.
Friday (EARLY) morning we heard our wake up call, which neither one of us wanted to listen to….but slowly we made it, took a few wrong turns, but got there in good time, didn’t have to wait to long, got escorted real quick.
I got into my surgical attire and then proceeded to get screwed. Not sure how many screws were used this time….
I woke up and felt pain relief on my back, but my belly is still swollen and tender.
And I just got out of bed, I didn’t take any steps, but it felt good to move.
I had many friends and family doing their prayerfull thing and I truly apprecitate every single person who has extended their heartfelt wishes for/to me.
I’m propped up in bed right now, fighting sleep, or maybe it is the other way around, sleep fights me. Jerk.
I am slowly reading the Wynonna memoir, unlike me to read this slow, I can read a book a day, 2 if I am on a roll, this one has been slow going, I like Wynonna Judd, even though I am not a big country music fan….maybe I should just pick up another book and put this one aside….I may do that tomorrow, I am too cozy and warm to get up, I took my socks off and the floor is cold, the carpet is cold, my house is cold, but I had the heater on and it got to freaking hot for me.
I am gassy too, I know TMI, but hey I can do that here….must have been the chili….so I am offering up some gas…need some, let me know, I have the hook up.
I will be headed to hell next week, but there is a highlight to my trip to hell, I will get to meet an online friend in person, and I know she is a her and she is a she and not a lumbering man in drag….not like that one book I was reading where this chick had a friendship with this dude online for a while, then it turned out the dude was a dudette….I don’t have that worry.
I will have a busy weekend getting ready, getting my house in order and making sure my kids have enough food while I am gone. I think I will try to get some of those pesky little issues resolved tomorrow if the weather is bad and boy # 1 doesn’t have to work. Should have done that today since he was home all day….but I wasn’t up for it.
I broke down and got a cell phone, I had no intentions of getting one, but it is a necessary evil. I still need to put all my numbers in it. Well not all my numbers, I won’t be giving out the number to too many people.
I have been having continued panic attacks…I hope those end soon. I could go on and on and continue to ramble, but I’ll spare you….
One more thing…I have a huge zit on my face….I hate zits…I’m too old for zits….