Cringe worthy….

I’ve got a couple of things (not human things) that I need to touch, I need to handle…with my hands…but the thought of touching them is making me sick. The thought crosses my mind that if I touch these things I’m basically on the same level as a common whore. My dilemma unfortunate as it is, is that I will have no choice but to touch them. I’m prolonging it as much as possible….the bad things is that currently there are two of these things, in different rooms, one right in front of me reminding me that I am basically a piece of shit, the other thing is in a different room, a room I also spend time in…so yeah, no escaping the reminders….sigh***

I’m also waging a little battle with myself, a battle of wits, or a battle of something else….I have to overcome these feelings….I know I am not a piece of shit, I know that I shouldn’t allow how others view me…I’ll come through this, I always do….but dammit I am so tempted to set this shit on fire….but then that would destroy my desk (which is already falling apart as it is) and possibly burn the house down…but then at least we would be warm.


And I’m not a whore….okay I’ll stop with this thought…I can only go downhill with the rest of the thought that was coming with this…

…and when it rains it pours….sigh***I guess my day is not over yet…headed out…I’m cold, tired and frustrated….


It started with me, usually it does…hmmm…if it didn’t, then it wouldn’t be about me.

Catalysis is more of a chemistry term…but there is also chemistry between people, both good and bad and also indifferent. I’m leaning toward the latter, yes indifference. I don’t do good very well, bad…well apparently bad is where I excel.

Something innocuous was the catalyst for the change in my environment, volleys were hurled and yes what goes up must come down, so when shit hits the fan be prepared for a shit storm….it’s still raining shit. The good thing about rain is that it doesn’t last forever, and here in West Texas we don’t have rain that sticks for long, shit yes, rain no.

I am embarrassed to admit that yesterday was not one of my better moments (I won’t go into ugly, boring details, just take my word, it was sucktastic). Today I will face the day with a smile, hopefully not the demented one, but a real one. For every person I encounter without one, I will give them one of mine…I reached deep down and found a wealth of them, and I don’t need to keep them all to myself. Contrary to unpopular belief I don’t always just think about myself. ♥  ☻

Stupidity knows no bounds

Last night while skyping with my friend Tracy, she alerted me to a comment on her blog about me. In essence this moron had the ability to cure me of my scoliosis, and better yet, he could do it over the phone. Like I’m really just going to pick up the phone and call a kid out who knows where and believe he has the cure. Where do this people come from? What makes them tick that way? How do they come to believe that they can blow on someone’s feet and make a leg grow a couple of inches? What are they smoking? I want some funny stuff to smoke too…but that could be dangerous…can you imagine the stupidity that would come out of my mouth if I smoked anything funny, as it is I can spew stupidity without any help. You can go here and read all about it…. click here>>>> Living with scoliosis

***No disrespect intended***

You just can’t make this shit up.

I’ve lost it~ reward~ have you seen my desk????

My desk is a mess.

I need a mug like this~

I mean, it’s always a mess, at least to the untrained observer’s eye….but I’ve really outdone myself this time. It’s a frickin’ mess….It’s messy. It’s in a state of advanced hyperactive decay, even. There are notes, and bills, and pens, and highlighters, and EOB’s, and statements, and loose papers, and all sorts of other shit, too.

Well, not shit, of course. There’s no actual shit on my desk.

It’s actually not just that stuff is piled all over my desk, really. That’s part of the system I have. See, I like to think I manage my desk the way nature designed humans….I put the fun, shiny, important stuff that I want to see and touch and play with often right up front, where I can get at it. And the stuff that I really don’t need to deal with, except in an emergency of some kind, I hide way back in the back of my bottom drawer, if I pretend it is gone then I don’t need to worry about it.

And, naturally, there are a lot of things I like to touch and play with and rub against my naked body, so….wait, scratch that last one; you never heard that. Stop the music. Do over.

As I was saying…..

And, naturally, there are a lot of things I like to touch and play with and… Stuff, so I have to pile some things on top of other things to make it all fit. I call that my ‘system’. Some people call it ‘piling’. I don’t like those people. They wouldn’t know a ‘system’ if it snuck up behind them and rubbed itself all over their naked bodies. Losers.

Anyway, piles are okay. But right now, I’ve got piles of piles. And some of the piles seem to have fallen over, resulting in… well, I don’t know what, exactly. Heaps, maybe? Mounds? An enormous clusterfuck? Something like that, I’m sure.

It really is impressive, seeing how much shit my desk has collected. I’d like to take a picture, even, so I could show you….but I can’t.

Anyway, it’s getting quite cumbersome, so maybe I’d better try cleaning some of this shit off before catastrophe strikes. If these piles were to tip over during the day, my system would be compromised. Can’t have that.

But for now, I’ll transplant a few of those piles to another spot. Like maybe the filing cabinet or another empty drawer, I am getting ahead of myself as I normally don’t relocate the piles of shit; I mean paper until it is time to call it a day. 

Some days I wish I had an assistant. Then I could put my shit on her desk, it would magically get put away where it belongs.

Snap out it. Well anyway that whole assistant wish thing that was a random daydream.  I best get my ass in gear. Laundry room is calling me…where another pile is about to fall over. life is good.

Open your eyes and see~

Knock me out already, pinches useless pastillas~

I see that it is a little after 3am and another sleepless night is here…I got laundry going, read a book and a half, went through my inboxes and finally cleared out some old emails, replied to some that I had missed and forwarded a few. I am also starved, but I don’t want to get into the habit of eating at these crazy night-time hours…so I lay in bed listening to my belly beg for food….also it doesn’t help to hear boy # 1 and his friend in the kitchen using the microwave and heating up food…cause I still smell it and it makes me hungrier.

Sunday funday~

The wind is blowing something fierce…or at least it sounds fierce…I think later today will be good to do some yard work…I doubt if the boys will like that idea, being that they get to carry out my wishes/demands. But I have to get my house in order and being that I am not physically able to do it on my own they are stuck doing what I can’t. They probably will resent me for this….that is another one of those things that being disabled or less able sucks…I would prefer to be out there alongside them raking and helping them bag the leaves….which I will freecycle. As crazy as it sounds, someone was looking for leaves….so I will post them.

Life is shitastic~ rescue me~

We have a battle with the poo gods…the toilet is spewing its poo out…yeppers it is clogged…not a fun thing to have to deal with on top of everything else…but that is what makes my life so wonderful…shit.

Harks back to that old thing about I make my bed I lie on it…or not…totally sucktastic.

I'll be back ~ in the after life~ just you wait and see~

I swear if there is life after death I will be reborn as something other than what I am now…I haven’t decided yet what that will be…I don’t even know if I get to decide if I can be this, that or the other….but if I get a choice I am not coming back as me….well….I take it back…I’ll be back as me….Ruby Cantu 2.0….with all the knowledge I have, all the good stuff…yes Virginia there is good stuff….you just haven’t seen it….not many have…I don’t share those wonderful attributes with too many….just a lucky few….but if and when I come back….I’m gonna play this game totally different….why….well because I am totally aware that I have squandered the greatness that could have been and then the shit gods took care of effing up the rest of my potential….no, not really I take full responsibility….I just like to cast blame here and there but I am the ONE, the only one responsible for all that is…or isn’t…

or Woman up...take your pick...dummy

Now if more people would Man up or Woman up then this world would be a better place….but not many have the balls that I have, I have some massive balls and they are my own balls, whether I took them from somebody or just grew them, either way they are my balls, and they are bouncy balls, purple and black, and they don’t really bounce or anything fun like that…they just are…decorations.

So what am I rambling about…who knows…I blame it on the meds….or my sanity/insanity….or it could be that I am hungry and delusional….

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