Whoever said hair doesn’t grow on nipples didn’t see “those” nipples….

Stupid is as stupid does, and I have been on a roll. I suffered a bit with hyperactivity a couple of days ago….couldn’t keep myself to any single task…consequently I hand washed my car, I worked on scraping paint off the coffee table, I baked lemon bars, I did laundry, I swept, I vacuumed (not that it looks like I did) then I piddled around starting other things that I just didn’t get to completing….and what did I get for all this….yeah this is where the stupid part comes in…PAIN….lots of fucking back pain…I almost didn’t want to stop everything I was doing, once I stop I start to intensely feel the aftereffects of all my moving around, bending, stooping, stretching, pulling and pushing…**SIGH*** when will LIFE (without pain) go back to “normal” (whatever the fuck normal is…)

Had another session of dramatics…not a fan of that….I’d much rather pull my eyelashes out one by one…or shave my toes…but all is well now…gotta go wake the kidlets up…

They just keep on growing………


Well the damn weeds will not pull themselves the fuck out. So I am on my knees, I’m stooped over and I’m killing my already killed back doing what nobody else seems to think they need to do. Yeah sure having a landscaper would be great, but I’m the damn landscaper, not that I’m scaping the land, but I sure as hell am trying to keep it from becoming overgrown with weeds. I’m also stripping paint off of a coffee table so I can repaint it, I don’t yet know what color I’ll be doing it, maybe something bright and unexpected or maybe boring black.

Will marry for health insurance~

I wasn’t born perfect….hmmm…I take that back, I was born perfect…but it didn’t last. Yes, I had all my fingers and toes, two eyes, two of everything that comes in two’s. But then I developed and inherited a genetic disorder and all that perfection I had is gone.

So now I am on my own trying to navigate the healthcare conundrum that many others out there are also having to battle, and I tell you what…it sucks big fat purple monkey balls.

I can still carry COBRA…but only if I starve my kids…or give them away….otherwise I cannot afford to pay the premium. This too if I don’t run my electric or gas…which for the most part I haven’t been able to do.

I’ve applied for insurance as an independent and that was denied, sure I can appeal, but while I appeal I have to continue to carry my unaffordable insurance and pay for the applications I submit. I also have to battle the idiots (if I can even get someone on the phone) pressing 1 for English and pressing 2 for this option only to get another menu with more options has made my blood pressure rise. So I’ll be adding high blood pressure to my list of things that are now wrong with me and give them another reason to deny my application. ***SIGH***

So I am reduced to this…trying to find a husband…not for LOVE but for his insurance. Maybe a military man, he can get an extra $$$ per year just for being married…I’d say that could be a win/win. He can have all his $$$ and I can have his insurance.

So if you know anyone with good insurance or anyone in the military wanting some extra $$$ send them a link to my blog. I promise not to be too picky. Oh and this needs to be ASAP.

Deep freeze~ and a self portrait~

Tracy so that you can see I’m not lying…I gots more food stuff…

See there is ice, meat, chicken breastesses, frozen strawberries and if you look real close, there are even frozen veggies.

Oh and yesterday I did a self portrait, I didn’t scan it, just took a picture of it…

Self Portrait ~ Ruby Cantu

A piece of my heart is missing~

Last year I underwent two back surgeries that I’ve yet to recover from. I had a couple of aunts take turns coming to stay with me and help out. Even my ex helped out, taking me to dr. appointments and such. The biggest help came from my oldest son who put his life on hold to come and help me out.

My favorite son Bert AKA Coven

He has been such a sweetheart and a wonderful son and an even greater big brother. When the weather was bad he would get up early and drive his brothers to school and then rush off to his job. Weekends he would take his brothers to the grocery store and pick up whatever I needed, he cooked for us when I just didn’t have the energy to bother. He has taught his youngest brother to make his world famous tacos, his one specialty. Last night Boy # 3 cooked him tacos as his farewell meal, I thought that was so sweet. Boy # 1 & Boy # 3 share a very close bond, Boy # 2 is more of a momma’s boy.

This morning he finished packing his things into his car, he waited for his brothers to leave for school, had a cup of coffee with me and then got on the road for an 8 hour drive. I had to fight the tears as we said goodbye, not sure when I’ll be seeing him again. He did call me to let me know he had made it in okay so at least I’ll have that weight off of my shoulders.

My handsome son

Bert if you come across this, know that I love you and I am so proud of you, you are an awesome son. I miss you, but I know you are following your heart. Hugs and kisses.

I’ve always been crazy, but it’s kept me from going insane~

I am back from hell…AKA Austin, TX….I didn’t get the good news I had been hoping for. There will not be physical therapy at this time.

Let me take you back in time.

In 1982 I had my first surgery for scoliosis, a Harrington Rod was used to correct the curvature of my spine.

Harrington Rod

In 1996 it was removed as the rod had broken.

Harrington Rod ~ Broken in half

I lived without any hardware in my body from 1996 until June 2009.

Yes, I got screwed~ they are titanium~

In December 2009 another revision was done which included more hardware. The images above were taken this morning, you can see all the screws that are holding me together. I’m sorta Bionic, but not really.

mudflap girl

This reminds me of the image on the right. (the bottom screws)

Happy Happy…Joy Joy

Shhh.....I am pretty.....crazy~

With today being a holiday I had not planned on doing the phone thing…well it didn’t quite work that way…my doctors office called, I have an appointment Monday to review my discogram and do my pre-op stuff. Surgery is tentatively scheduled for Wednesday….not much time to think about it…which works for me…I don’t want to have time to think about it…like really what is there to think about…I say let’s get on with it, get it over and done with. The promise of being “fixed” is what I have to look forward to…now if I stop to think about it then all I would end up doing is filling my head with what ifs….like what if they fuck me up more….what if they cut/hit/damage a nerve and I end up worse off than I already am..like a real vegetable…see what happens when you start playing stupid what if games….insanity…and I suffer enough with insanity…so it’s a go as far as I am concerned…I just have to work out the logistics….like getting there and getting back.

Slice & Dice~

Spoke to my aunt and she would love to come and be here and help where she can, she is still recovering from her surgery….so of course the mental imagery went all over the place….a couple of old hag cripps trying to help each other…it’s funny but it’s not…but it is more funny than not.

Yesterday I also did something I had not done in like forever…at least since my high school years….I picked up the phone and called a friend…and talked for a good 2 or 3 hrs…then we did it again for another 4.5 hours….but it felt good to talk to someone, laugh at ourselves…next time we may laugh at others….but not in a mean way…well maybe…..

Finished reading everything I had started on….and still have not hit the fluff….but it is by my bed….

A chronicle of my first 2 back surgeries…

As a patient I was initially admitted for two days’ observation to ensure that I was in good general health. Which I was~ for the exception of a severe case of backne (back acne, I had acne on my face (facene) too but they weren’t messing with my face). On the third day, they proceeded with the operation, under full anesthesia. The (Harrington Rod) rod was fixed in position for the degree and place of the two curvatures along my spine, (caused by scoliosis) and fixed securely using a pair of hooks that linked it to the spine. The rod had ratchet ends that fitted through holes in the hooks, and the compression of the spine kept the whole thing in place. Those hooks looked pretty much like the presser foot of my sewing machine…..

Under anesthesia, I was stretched to straighten my spine, giving me an additional 3 inches of growth and the ratchet system held everything in its new position. The design of the rod also allowed for additional growth, because as the spine got longer, the ratchet allowed the rod to move in only one direction. Rods came in a variety of lengths, mine was 18 cm (if I recall correctly)….

The first stage of treatment took place in a specialized unit because I needed to be kept as immobile as possible. I spent weeks on a bed that allowed me to be either flat on my back, or flat on my front. Lying on a side was not allowed, nor was turning from front to back. The bed was designed to allow the nurses to roll me every four hours to prevent bed sores…..

At the end of those seemingly never ending weeks  my Dr. felt it was necessary, to put me into a plaster cast, covering the length of the spine, and up to my neck and down halfway over my butt. After the cast set, I was allowed to go home where I spent a further number of weeks on full bed rest, and told to operate “log roll” conditions. That meant being horizontal at all times — no sitting or standing, no more than one pillow, and only bending one leg at once, when lying on my back. At the end of the at home recovery, I was returned to the hospital to spend the next 10 days to 2 weeks learning to walk again. After I spent more time than anyone should ever have to in bed, I was weak from the weight of the plaster …my spine was a very different shape from before the operation, so balance was difficult. I felt that I was frequently falling over because I had spent years, leaning sideways before the operation. ….

After learning to walk again, I was fitted with a brace that had steel -reinforcing rods down the back. This had to be worn for 23 hours a day, and could be removed only for bathing. I wore this specific type of brace for less than a month and then transitioned to a newer more modern hard plastic like brace with Velcro strips to tighten it for added compression of the spine.  Termination of the brace wearing began with removal during sleep for a few months, but due to my stubborn nature and vehement statements of full recovery I soon abandoned it altogether…..

During the treatment, and up to losing the brace, I was forbidden to undergo any form of physical exercise, including swimming, not that it bothered me, I wasn’t a water baby nor interested in any type of exercise…soon my doctors realized that the treatment was quite a success, the restrictions began to be lifted, and the timescale for the whole process reduced. ….

I went on to lead a fairly active and carefree life up until the mid 90’s when I underwent a second round of surgery….this process was “less invasive” and with the untold advances in medical science I was assured a less restrictive recovery…the rod that gave me my “perfect posture” was to be removed as I had somewhat managed to break this stainless steel piece. Yay. Surgery was a success; recovery was extremely painful and difficult as I learned I was carrying my precious baby (A). I was terrified of the consequences despite the assurance of the doctor that I could safely take X amount of narcotics. I just couldn’t do it. I toughed it out med free with the only comfort being that once I had him I would feel relief from pain as I was determined to take any and all previously offered narcotics that would relieve me of pain. Which I did and of course the sad consequence of that was I have no recollection of caring for my baby for his first few days of life……..

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