Posts Tagged ‘scoliosis’

Stupid is as stupid does, and I have been on a roll. I suffered a bit with hyperactivity a couple of days ago….couldn’t keep myself to any single task…consequently I hand washed my car, I worked on scraping paint off the coffee table, I baked lemon bars, I did laundry, I swept, I vacuumed (not that it looks like I did) then I piddled around starting other things that I just didn’t get to completing….and what did I get for all this….yeah this is where the stupid part comes in…PAIN….lots of fucking back pain…I almost didn’t want to stop everything I was doing, once I stop I start to intensely feel the aftereffects of all my moving around, bending, stooping, stretching, pulling and pushing…**SIGH*** when will LIFE (without pain) go back to “normal” (whatever the fuck normal is…)

Had another session of dramatics…not a fan of that….I’d much rather pull my eyelashes out one by one…or shave my toes…but all is well now…gotta go wake the kidlets up…

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Well the damn weeds will not pull themselves the fuck out. So I am on my knees, I’m stooped over and I’m killing my already killed back doing what nobody else seems to think they need to do. Yeah sure having a landscaper would be great, but I’m the damn landscaper, not that I’m scaping the land, but I sure as hell am trying to keep it from becoming overgrown with weeds. I’m also stripping paint off of a coffee table so I can repaint it, I don’t yet know what color I’ll be doing it, maybe something bright and unexpected or maybe boring black.

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I wasn’t born perfect….hmmm…I take that back, I was born perfect…but it didn’t last. Yes, I had all my fingers and toes, two eyes, two of everything that comes in two’s. But then I developed and inherited a genetic disorder and all that perfection I had is gone.

So now I am on my own trying to navigate the healthcare conundrum that many others out there are also having to battle, and I tell you what…it sucks big fat purple monkey balls.

I can still carry COBRA…but only if I starve my kids…or give them away….otherwise I cannot afford to pay the premium. This too if I don’t run my electric or gas…which for the most part I haven’t been able to do.

I’ve applied for insurance as an independent and that was denied, sure I can appeal, but while I appeal I have to continue to carry my unaffordable insurance and pay for the applications I submit. I also have to battle the idiots (if I can even get someone on the phone) pressing 1 for English and pressing 2 for this option only to get another menu with more options has made my blood pressure rise. So I’ll be adding high blood pressure to my list of things that are now wrong with me and give them another reason to deny my application. ***SIGH***

So I am reduced to this…trying to find a husband…not for LOVE but for his insurance. Maybe a military man, he can get an extra $$$ per year just for being married…I’d say that could be a win/win. He can have all his $$$ and I can have his insurance.

So if you know anyone with good insurance or anyone in the military wanting some extra $$$ send them a link to my blog. I promise not to be too picky. Oh and this needs to be ASAP.

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Tracy so that you can see I’m not lying…I gots more food stuff…

See there is ice, meat, chicken breastesses, frozen strawberries and if you look real close, there are even frozen veggies.

Oh and yesterday I did a self portrait, I didn’t scan it, just took a picture of it…

Self Portrait ~ Ruby Cantu

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Last year I underwent two back surgeries that I’ve yet to recover from. I had a couple of aunts take turns coming to stay with me and help out. Even my ex helped out, taking me to dr. appointments and such. The biggest help came from my oldest son who put his life on hold to come and help me out.

My favorite son Bert AKA Coven

He has been such a sweetheart and a wonderful son and an even greater big brother. When the weather was bad he would get up early and drive his brothers to school and then rush off to his job. Weekends he would take his brothers to the grocery store and pick up whatever I needed, he cooked for us when I just didn’t have the energy to bother. He has taught his youngest brother to make his world famous tacos, his one specialty. Last night Boy # 3 cooked him tacos as his farewell meal, I thought that was so sweet. Boy # 1 & Boy # 3 share a very close bond, Boy # 2 is more of a momma’s boy.

This morning he finished packing his things into his car, he waited for his brothers to leave for school, had a cup of coffee with me and then got on the road for an 8 hour drive. I had to fight the tears as we said goodbye, not sure when I’ll be seeing him again. He did call me to let me know he had made it in okay so at least I’ll have that weight off of my shoulders.

My handsome son

Bert if you come across this, know that I love you and I am so proud of you, you are an awesome son. I miss you, but I know you are following your heart. Hugs and kisses.

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I am back from hell…AKA Austin, TX….I didn’t get the good news I had been hoping for. There will not be physical therapy at this time.

Let me take you back in time.

In 1982 I had my first surgery for scoliosis, a Harrington Rod was used to correct the curvature of my spine.

Harrington Rod

In 1996 it was removed as the rod had broken.

Harrington Rod ~ Broken in half

I lived without any hardware in my body from 1996 until June 2009.

Yes, I got screwed~ they are titanium~

In December 2009 another revision was done which included more hardware. The images above were taken this morning, you can see all the screws that are holding me together. I’m sorta Bionic, but not really.

mudflap girl

This reminds me of the image on the right. (the bottom screws)

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Shhh.....I am pretty.....crazy~

With today being a holiday I had not planned on doing the phone thing…well it didn’t quite work that way…my doctors office called, I have an appointment Monday to review my discogram and do my pre-op stuff. Surgery is tentatively scheduled for Wednesday….not much time to think about it…which works for me…I don’t want to have time to think about it…like really what is there to think about…I say let’s get on with it, get it over and done with. The promise of being “fixed” is what I have to look forward to…now if I stop to think about it then all I would end up doing is filling my head with what ifs….like what if they fuck me up more….what if they cut/hit/damage a nerve and I end up worse off than I already am..like a real vegetable…see what happens when you start playing stupid what if games….insanity…and I suffer enough with insanity…so it’s a go as far as I am concerned…I just have to work out the logistics….like getting there and getting back.


Slice & Dice~

Spoke to my aunt and she would love to come and be here and help where she can, she is still recovering from her surgery….so of course the mental imagery went all over the place….a couple of old hag cripps trying to help each other…it’s funny but it’s not…but it is more funny than not.

Yesterday I also did something I had not done in like forever…at least since my high school years….I picked up the phone and called a friend…and talked for a good 2 or 3 hrs…then we did it again for another 4.5 hours….but it felt good to talk to someone, laugh at ourselves…next time we may laugh at others….but not in a mean way…well maybe…..

Finished reading everything I had started on….and still have not hit the fluff….but it is by my bed….

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