Dark Daze~

My first taste of the sweetness that came with the thought of ending her life was also the first time I experienced a great sense of calm.

The first image came in a quick flash, but the rest of my day was filled with bloody images. A knife plunged into her chest.

I would have stood a tantalizing few minutes in front of her to allow her time to goad me. She wouldn’t make me wait long. It would have been one to two minutes max before she’d have screeched out her favorite “You stupid bitch!”. I would have  smiled and then I’d have brought the knife out, I’d have aimed for that place where most human bodies house a heart.  In my mind I could see me thrusting that long serrated edged knife deep, twisting it, all the while looking at her and finally telling her “I love you mommy” of course I’d be smiling and then I’d ask her “Is that what you mean by sarcasm?”.

The answer was in my face all along…

sarcasmBut the question was never asked….so anywho it is a nice 72 right now, will be about mid 80’s but for now I have the windows open, I just fixed breakfast with the help of the oldest, we ate, now I’m good for a while before I need to eat again.I have lemon pepper chicken on the menu for this evening. That and movies recorded off HBO, oh and the last book in my trilogy. I have a bottle of wine in the fridge chilling so pretty much that speaks for my exciting day….yay…oh let me catch that sarcasm before it hits the floor..oops a drip fell there. I see a couple of kids outside my window kicking a football, wonder if they are new to the neighborhood, I’ve been here for a few years and hadn’t seen any kids, I may just throw my kids out maybe they can make some friends, if not at least get some exercise, sun and fresh air.

Writing under the influence, be thankful I’m not out and about~

Loneliness can kill ya~

Which isn’t entirely a bad thing…I mean if you are like me a pathetically bitchy person…than what is the point of prolonging the misery you impose on others…sheesh….I swear there is sarcasm in here….if you don’t know me you will probably find it as opposed to those that do know me…they will not have a clue.

Studies show that women primarily are afflicted with heart disease due to being lonely…something about stressing about being alone. Hmmm…that’s crazy talk…okay so I have been in relationships before, not just like the boy/girl kind…but like the familial as well as the friendship types….and I have felt more alone when I was surrounded by people than when I have been alone….so anyway…this post will make absolutely no sense, I am heavily medicated at this time, I’m also tired, sleepy and bitchy and cranky. But lonely, no at this point in my life I am not lonely, I am learning to keep myself company, and I quite like me, yes I know I bitch and whine quite a bit, but hey that is just me, like it or not…don’t like it, delete me, don’t read me, don’t follow me, not here or there or anywhere, stay away from me, close the door, walk away, basically do whatever you need to do to stay unaffected. Such a simple concept….I have so much going on for such a crippled invalid, and I want more to be going on, I just have to figure it all out. So no, I am not lonely, but at times I do feel alone…but again that is not a bad thing…hmmm, am I trying to convince myself or you?

Whatever kills me, it won’t be loneliness….

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