Looks like the tit for tat bullshit nonsense is trying to rear its ugly head…tried nipping it in the bud but it may have backfired. Maybe I should study conflict resolution a little more. My idea of resolution is to say “fuck you” and walk away….though I now tend to just say it inside my head…not very effective…but part of it is the whole trying to be mature about things. Skulking isn’t so much my thing but I am reactive to it….anyway enough about that nonsense…I have more randomness…

I have been flirted with and hit on….it was kinda sorta fun (not the hit on part, there is something smarmy about that) the flirting I can handle….but full out hitting on is just not cool….but it is amusing to hear the lines being used….I so wanna ask if their delivered BS ever works but sadly the answer is probably a yes…but not for me.

People are NASTY and stupid…well perhaps not so stupid after all they did get what they wanted….

I’m gaining my weight back in a fun way….eating lots….but I didn’t get to my ice cream yet….I’m scheduling that for my next day off…juggling 2 jobs I have to get  strategic about the eating of certain things that have adverse effects on me…ice cream makes my belly bloat….and makes me feel miserable….usually afterwards, thankfully not while eating….

Well I’m off to read myself to sleep, have a long 2 days coming up….

Sleepless and pensive

I tried sleeping, time and again, I slipped under the covers, put my pillow over my face, and nothing. Time and again I got up, I roamed around, checking doors, picking up books, finished reading one book, started 3 different books and finally gave up on those books, they didn’t capture my interest. I gave them each a shot of several chapters but I didn’t retain anything I read, a clear indication I didn’t need to read any further. So I have more books to add to my to go pile.


Racing thoughts kept drifting in and out. Good thoughts, bad thoughts….all kinds of thoughts. Surprising thoughts.For now that’s all I’m going to say on that. Don’t want anyone trying to guess….guaranteed you’d get it wrong….just saying.

Have a funeral ahead of me. I don’t much care for those affairs….but family comes together and though I may not have words of comfort my presence may be comfort enough…I hope.

My eyelids feel heavy, my vision not so clear. My eyes are not rested.

I still need to make reservations, I’m hoping two rooms will be available. I am not a night sleeper and if I share a room we both will be uncomfortable. I’ll be beyond antsy, but I’m taking my mp3 player, my mini and a book.

Someone has to throw the towel in~

In this corner we have Ruby Cantu and on this corner we have Insomnia da Bitch…I think I am loosing the battle but I am not giving in. I need sleep, why can’t I just go to bed like normal people do and close my eyes, fall asleep and dream about…well whatever, I would even welcome a nightmare…anything as long as sleep was involved.

I’ve been trying to finish reading a book up for review, normally I can read a book a day, sometimes even two, with this one I have at least another week before I can get through it…that drives me nuts…I just can’t read at a faster pace, too many grammatical distractions.

I made some tortilla soup yesterday…it was good….went very well with watermelon.

The weekend was pretty much a laid back one, watched some TV and watched it crawl back to Monday in  slow motion. In a couple of hours I’ll be headed out for day 4 of PT….maybe that’ll help me sleep.

Doings and going ons~

Reading, I have been breezing through some books, tomorrow I will post some titles and brief synopsis’, just in case any fellow reader is interested in a good title.

I went to the salon today, I walked out with the same look I went in with…I need a stylist with balls…guess I need to find a male stylist, surely he’d have balls. I just want someone confident enough and willing to just grab some shears and whack away. I used to love that part, having a customer put their hair in my hands and giving me the freedom to just try anything…oh well…eventually I’ll find someone or just do it myself.

Just poured myself a glass of wine, will finish that, finish this and then call it a night, at least as far as my online activities go…I’ll be up reading….books are my life…does that sound pathetic to anyone else besides me?

Oh no…please don’t disconnect me…

So I have for the most part been ignoring my phone, but then I got to listening to my messages…which was a good thing as I got a call from my internet/cable/phone provider and they had someone else trying to “move into my place” and get services established…whew…I called them and got all that squared away….I wouldn’t want to deal with that hassle…so I had to explain to a few people that it was not at my house, it was my apartment…sheesh…there are many idiots out there working….scary.

I am almost done reading my book, I have a few more lined up to read…some days I just can’t get past 2 or 3 pages…other times I can breeze through a couple of hundred pages….I guess it really does depend on the author, the subject matter and my mood.

Speaking of which…I’m about to head to bed, plop myself up on my pillows and read the rest of the book…maybe tonite I will get it done….

I’ve got my big girl panties on ~

looks good~

So I am ready for whatever this blah day has in store for me. What will I do today? Will I finally tackle rearranging my drawers? Will I sit my ass down long enough to watch a movie? Will I start reading my third book? Will I try to clean house? Will I give up on trying to clean house and just get my slave children to do it? Will I bake a cake? or a pie? or cookies? or muffins? or anything? Will I return phone calls? Will I pay bills? Will I just crawl back in bed and shut the world out for a bit longer? I just don’t know, the choices are endless?

I had a crazy thought last night….I was thinking what if I moved out of my house and moved into the apartment and rented the house? I sure could use the money….but I would be giving up room and I don’t think there is enough room in the apartment for all our crap….and it is only one bedroom and one bath. Before anyone points out what a crazy idea that is I’ll do it myself…it is a crazy idea…but I may reconsider it later on in the future.

I’m hungry.

Up and at ’em~

Good morning and happy Saturday…I sit here having read through me emails…some not all…read my newspapers..some not all….and having my coffee…which seems to be on the weaker side this morning.

I stayed up until 3am reading one book and thinking finally I can go to sleep. Ha! I started another book and ended up staying up until 4:30 am….and I finally ended up with at least a couple of hours of sleep. Boy # 2 is in the shower, I’m waiting for him to get out so I can jump in there next and then get on with getting myself presentable for the outside world. Yes, you are reading correctly…today I am stepping/rolling my way out into the real world…or at least the outside world. I am thinking of taking the boys out to lunch and then grocery shopping. By my estimation I won’t be ready to leave the house until noonish or a bit after…making it rather timely for lunch.

...what hurts the most??? ~~

Given the nature of the books I have been reading lately I am inspired to write a few short stories revisiting parts of my life that included episodes of domestic violence….I will be calling this series “The Ex Files” very clever right….lol….I thought so….it will be an amalgamation of my personal experiences steeped with those of others that I was very close to. The parallels are uncanny in some instances….but the patterns of abusers and abusees are almost always the same…it’s like the same behaviors are either taught to the next generation or there are some secret classes being held somewhere in some secret location.

Okay…the bathroom is now mine…shower time. TTFN

Thursday recap~


I woke up to my morning rituals, coffee, nets, news and such…I had one response for my book plea on freecycle and called the lady as she requested on her email. She asked what types of books I was wanting and I told her blood, guts, crime, murder, mystery, suspense, basically I will read anything….almost…so anyhoo she had tons of books and was setting books aside for other freecyclers besides myself…I sent boy # 1 (my favorite) to go and pick up the books…I was like a kid at xmas when boy # 1 returned and we went thru the bag of books…I got a couple of James Patterson books I haven’t read yet, from the Alex Cross series…they are the newer ones so now I need to hurry up and read the book I started last night so I can read those. I also got Patricia Cornwell…the Scarpetta series…I am behind on those so it’ll be fun to get back to reading her books. Other authors include Mary Higgins Clark, Koontz, Plain…and a few other books I’ve heard of but have never read those particular authors.

I also strapped myself into my back brace and decided to move things around again…I know I was going to have boy # 1 do it…and he would have gladly done it…but…I felt like doing it myself…cause there is that stubborn streak about me that just has to do things on my own….I may try to vacuum tomorrow…if I can get the vacuum plugged in….that should be a not so strenuous activity…and I also want to sweep…I’ll leave the mopping to the boys…I won’t stupidly take a chance of slipping and falling…the floor is not yet my friend.

I made one phone call to my auntie….she had surgery and I just had to call and check up on her…but as I feared I would…I woke her up…I hate calling people and either waking them up or interrupting something…I feel like I am intruding in one way or another….anyway she is doing okay and will call me back when she is less medicated and more awake.

Changed the linens on my bed and got a load of laundry done….and made burgers for the boys…it’s been a long and somewhat productive day…I am now properly medicated and propped up and wishing my pain away…but wishing won’t work….

Book down~


I'm not quite this sexy when I read~

I just finished another book and about to start another one…I also took a minute to put out a request for more books off of freecycle. I have sort of lost my passion for the internets…well not entirely….but where I used to be connected 24/7 before…that is no longer the case. I still do my morning routine or rituals…have my coffee in front of my computer screen as I catch up on emails, pay bills, check my bank accounts, order household supplies, catch up on blogs, news or whatnot. What I no longer do is visit the social sites like I used to…something about being followed around caused me to withdraw from them. I still stop in to myspace every so often…like maybe once a week or sometimes once a month…I check to see if family or friends have left anything news worthy…then I move on to FB and do the same….somehow I ended up acquiring a ridiculously large number of friends…and quite frankly I am not a good friend…I don’t make the time to stop in and say hello to everyone….I know I should probably just go in and weed out the accidental friends…..but that requires energy….maybe later….so after all that is said and done my puter gets shut off and normally stays off until evening/night time. Funny thing is I am not missing my online time much…I am enjoying my quiet reading time.

Got a call from my doctors office…not good news…but that is not to be expected when they call….

I also took the time to go through the mountain of bills and EOB’s and did the math, gathered receipts and such…so I will try to get to the tax office to get my taxes done soon. Note to self, gather vehicle tax renewal receipts….

Tomorrow is furniture moving day part II….but this time I will be directing and not actually doing the moving…yes…painful lesson learned…I am an idiot…there I saved you the pleasure of calling me that…but if you must knock yourself out…you won’t hurt my feelings….I have decided I don’t like having feelings…so I am stuffing emotions away.

I have yet to download my snow pictures….I need to do that as I also have pictures of Lefty when he was here for his last visit. I will probably post some of the pictures here, but not on FB…I was amused at everyone else’s snow pictures…admittedly the stuff is pretty to look at…but that is about it.

I had one beer today. My days consist of my new motto…it’s 5 o’clock always at Casa de Ruby….

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