Day 2 ~

and the winner is "the new guy"

I arrived with about 5 minutes to spare, made it up the steps, into the women’s dressing room, took off my brace, put it and my bag in a locker and  stepped out to the pool area. Everyone else scheduled for that time was already there…I made my way into the pool, first thought, the water is not as warm as it was last week…said hello to the two grandma’s and the PT guy, keep forgetting his name, starts with a J, so I’ll just call him J. The new guy was lowered into the water…I heard the lift screech and thought how horrible it would be if it broke, or worse if I had to use it. A few minutes later J had us all working on different exercises….everything I do hurts, I feel the burn, the struggle of my body to not want to do this, I fight back tears and I repeat “No pain, no gain” over and over, it becomes my mantra….””No pain, no gain”. I begin to look around for distractions, grandma # 1’s daughter shows up with a service dog, I didn’t realize Chihuahua’s made for good service dogs…but whatever, that little dog was yapping up a storm….next thing that catches my attention, comes out of the periphery of my left eye, it’s the new guy…I am unable to suppress a laugh…I’m so busted by J….he wants to know what I’m laughing at…I say nothing, wouldn’t be nice…but I can share with you….new guy was wearing a white T-shirt, at first glance my eyes are transfixed to the boobs, it’s like for a moment I can picture myself on the sidelines of a wet t-shirt contest, hands down he’d have been my pick for perkiest boobs in this pool.

I’ve yet to go online to check and see what will or will not be covered by my insurance….I doubt if I’ll be able to afford the 3 times a week my doctor suggested. Not only that I need to refill my pain medication prescription, that one’s not so bad, that’s just $10.00, but I will not be able to continue my monthly hormones, not at $25 a month…maybe yummy doctor can hook me up with samples.Sheesh…why does everything have to be about money?

BTW…(click →) here’s the other blog where I shamelessly make my plea for donations to my fix-me-up fund. Check it out if you are feeling generous, pass it along to someone who wants to adopt an old brokendownbeatenupbylifeoldhag.

At least he was a bit chubby~

So today was the big day, I finally got to do my aquatic therapy…I’ve been looking forward to starting PT, but my body is not quite ready for the conventional PT so I’m starting out in the water. Yesterday I went in for my evaluation and that was a painful ordeal in itself, why must they insist on seeing me in pain, can’t they take my word for it. I hurt…fuckers. Anyway it was hard not to be a smartass, despite the pain I was in I couldn’t help myself. Can you sew a button? Seriously?? NO, if something needs a button it goes in the to-go pile, really, who sews buttons anymore? Yes I get that the answers will give them a good indication as to where my abilities lie. But I was wondering why all the questions were related with “traditional” female duties. I held back from asking if they ask men if they are capable of sewing on a button, somehow I think the answer would be no.

I went through another sleepless night, but got up early enough to have coffee, throw on some board shorts and a tshirt. No way would I dare show up in swimwear. If I had a wet suit I would wear that. I was glad that the pool area has it’s own parking and that I don’t have to walk through the entire facility…it is heartbreaking to see the other patients, some better off and some worse off than me.

Back to the pool…I walk in and see a grandpa sitting with a book, waiting for his lady love in the pool, just something else to make me sad. Grandma has someone there for her. In the water a couple of grandma’s and a man….great a not bad looking guy. At least he was chubby. 

I’ve always been crazy, but it’s kept me from going insane~

I am back from hell…AKA Austin, TX….I didn’t get the good news I had been hoping for. There will not be physical therapy at this time.

Let me take you back in time.

In 1982 I had my first surgery for scoliosis, a Harrington Rod was used to correct the curvature of my spine.

Harrington Rod

In 1996 it was removed as the rod had broken.

Harrington Rod ~ Broken in half

I lived without any hardware in my body from 1996 until June 2009.

Yes, I got screwed~ they are titanium~

In December 2009 another revision was done which included more hardware. The images above were taken this morning, you can see all the screws that are holding me together. I’m sorta Bionic, but not really.

mudflap girl

This reminds me of the image on the right. (the bottom screws)



I am in my jammies, on my laptop, TV is on, Boy # 1 is watching, he is awake from his nap, me I am just antsy, fidgety, everything but in bed sleeping.

Too many thoughts running around in my head…missing someone, wanting someone out of my head. Out of my heart.

Tomorrow is a big day for me….or at least I think it will be. I’m expecting x-rays and I am hoping that I will be deemed ready for Physical Therapy. I want my life back, the life where I was a productive member of society, I held a job, heck I held two jobs, I worked overtime, I went to work in early, stayed late then went to my other job, worked weekends….and took care of my kids…not my kids taking care of me.

I gave up 105 calories of my Hershey’s with Almonds…not cause I care if the chocolate glides over my hips and sticks on my ass…I just didn’t have the craving for it I thought I did. So I let Boy # 1 have it. See…sometimes I share.

I’ve got my alarm set for 6am…that is too early…because I will probably be up late…hopefully Boy # 1 gets enough sleep as he has to drive. We decided we will get up early and go eat breakfast before my appointment. I doubt if he will finish the leftovers he brought back…but then again he may surprise me. That boy can eat. I am going to miss him when he leaves….but maybe we will get to see him over the holidays.

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