Give it up~

When you try as hard as you can, to do what you think is right and all you get is that same old cold shoulder, when you do all you can and all that’s left is to give it up all you can do is turn it loose.

Such a convoluted thought, then again I’m currently medicated so everything coming out of my head is jumbled up. Took two Norco’s, Doxepin, and Mobic, pain pills, sleeping pill and a muscle relaxer. I’m hoping something works, it’s got to. Actually part of my face is feeling numb, that’s a good sign right? Maybe the rest of me gets to feeling numb soon. My fingers aren’t working all that great, I keep having to correct typo’s, so if I miss any blame the drugs….pain or lack of sleep, or blame it on all…I know how to spell, but I’m feeling a bit dyslexic and dexterically challenged…and yes, I think I just sorta made up that word….but it derived from dexterity, so there…blow me.

So anyways, this whole financial situation I’m in has led me down a dark path…I’ve signed on to do something that I never thought I would do…it isn’t illegal so I will be able to sleep at night, (ha, insert crazed laughter here, that will only happen if the meds kick in) but I do have kids to feed and shelter, tough times, tough choices….but in the end I’ll have a story to tell…that’s if I don’t end up dead before I can tell the story.

Nothing takes the place of __________(fill in the blank) I feel the __________, without _________nothing is the same. Oh my _________, I am so ____________because nothing takes the place of ______________.

I missed boy # 3’s parade today, tomorrow he has another event he will participate in, I don’t know if I’ll make it to that, due to aforementioned dark path.

I’m experiencing dry mouth, if only I had some wet stuff, other than water, which I am already imbibing, then my mouth would be wetter and perhaps the meds would kick in quicker.

You know those ghosts from the past…well I had another pop into my life….it is quite strange, one day you hear from someone you tried to forget, and quite honestly I had almost forgotten said ghost….ALMOST, there were mere thoughts in passing but for the most part not even much of a blip on my radar screen. But then nothing, no follow-up. Not sure what is up with that, part of me is curious, part of me feels ghosts should stay ghosts…but I’m patient…not that I have options.

I got three new books today, well new to me, I hadn’t thought of adding to my library in a while, but I think I’m ready to see if there are readers out there ready to give up some of their books. I have a book I’ve been reading on and off for a few days. The last couple of books I’ve picked up haven’t captivated my attention…but I’m trying to finish what I start. Nothing sucks worse than reading a couple hundred pages and then giving up with only a couple hundred more pages to go…but I’ve got a few books I’ve given up midway to halfway through.

This week has been a week of old favorite shows coming back on, NCIS, Criminal Minds, Body of Proof, Hawaii Five-0, Harry’s Law and a few new shows I may check out. I haven’t watched any yet, saving them for the weekend…as that is when there is nothing good on and the boys like some of those shows and I enjoy my time with them being couch potatoes.

Well I think I’ve talked long enough to myself….maybe soon I will doze off….I can only hope………..

Contradictory much???????

Snow day ~ Full house

let it snow~

The kids were up early this AM as normal, checked the news for school closings and yes, no school today, lots of closings throughout and the snow is still falling….even boy # 1 is off of work. So I sit here at my desk watching the white stuff falling on my neighbors red car and I wonder how long it’ll take him to come outside and brush it all off his car and take off for his one of many excursions he makes throughout the day. Boy # 1 has come to offer me breakfast but I am on my one cup of coffee for the day so breakfast is too early for me. It does smell good, the tortillas cooking, the eggs frying….

Shortly boy # 2 and I will go watch NCIS and whatever else may be on my DVR….I have a few episodes of JAG and maybe a movie or two. I also need a shower…and later I may bake a cake.

I also have a couple of emails to compose a phone call or two to make, for sure I have to call my auntie who has taken to sending me money on a regular basis. I am not cool with that as I know she works hard for the little bit of money she brings in. She knows my financial situation but we have been managing so far…so I have to figure out how to get her to stop without hurting her feelings….I am so not a gift person. For the record I hate gifts. Some more than others…there are the kinds of gifts where you end up feeling obligated to a person (this isn’t one of them) and then there are the kinds of gifts you know are only yours temporarily (I hate those)….I could go on and on about my aversion to gifts but I’ll save that for another time.

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