Monday randomness~ chaos & me

Everything in my head is upside down, inside out, up and down, here and there…once again reading is presenting a challenge, I hate when that happens.

I noticed the other day that I have been feeling more grown up.  And as I quickly approach 42yrs old I realized I can’t have this feeling of being a kid with all these heavy grown up responsibilities, anymore.  I think I am on my way to being a fully fledged adult.  DAMN, when did this happen?  Next stop, old hagsville where I shake my broom stick at the noisy, annoying kids in the next room.  Oh wait, I have always done that.  At least for their sake, I am getting slower in my old age.

For the last few weeks, I have had an internal struggle going on.  I can’t put my finger exactly on what is bothering me, at least not on one sole individual pet peeve, more like a zoo of manmade inbred freaks but not enough circus tent to house the chaos….but I feel that it has finally caught up with me.  My brain is a mess and I can’t seem to float to the top and figure it all out.  I do know that it is manifesting itself in a surly attitude…I know that my attitude most times is no Ms Sunshine as a matter of fact, I think I shoved her in a closet and there she still sits….and she keeps messing with the order I had tried establishing in said closet…like I had my shoes all organized in boxes and what not, now they are back out of the boxes and I’m thinking maybe life would be better as a man…I could own two pair of shoes and life would flow on the right path….however, I can’t seem to part with my shoes and  I don’t have that air of sarcasm or slight humor behind me right now. ..

So if you see me and I tell you to go have your way with yourself, you know I mean it. 

I seriously considering telling all the idiots who feel like calling and playing the small talk card that I hope they slide down a peroxide laden pole with a raging fresh cut on their ass. 

Life should be great…but it isn’t…I look around and the same stuff that has been here since a year or two or three or ten years ago are still here….I think this funk is my seasonal affliction…is there a train going to Crazyville?

Finally Friday~

 

Happee Friday~

Not that it matters what day it really is, currently in my world one day just blends into the next and the only reason for me to think about what day of the week it is is because I still have kids in school. I had thought of getting out, I want to try a new recipe but don’t have everything I need…but after a shower and drying my hair and putting my face on I seemed to have used up all my energy. That and my back is not being agreeable with me.

I’m quite medicated presently and I hate/love the feeling of numbness that goes with it. Just waiting for it to kick in and do its thing is enough to wear me out. I worked on my Friday chore list….I used to be so orderly and get the kids involved in helping me clean house after work on Fridays…it was our routine, and just getting started and doing it would be a small battle but it didn’t take us long to zip around and get everything done. It takes cooperation from all of us and I hate that I don’t have the energy to put more of me into getting things done. I really hate that part.

Yesterday I was determined to clear off my desk, dresser and other areas of my bedroom that had seen an overflow of paperwork dealing with insurance and medical bills. I spent too much time on the phone doing battle with the idiots in the billing department but finally I got it done. I had actual success as I managed to get them to correct my account and remove the charges they kept insisting I needed to pay. My insurance had already taken care of the charges and I was not about to pay them again for it.

Over the years I have become better at dealing with insurance and billing and the mountains of paperwork that come through when there are numerous visits to drs, hospitals, clinics and such. The ability to also be able to keep up with it online has been a tremendous ally….there have been occasions where I have overpaid and even paid twice for the same service, but experience has also been on my side when I’ve had to make the calls and request refunds. I’m just glad that I get to keep a bit more in my pocket, it means I can have a bit extra to treat the kids to dinner out or perhaps buy them new clothes.

 

Para Español oprima # 1

I have been on the phone with one idiot after another in trying to get my medical billing issues squared away. I refuse to pay for something my insurance has already paid but these idiots keep sending me bills. I call and I get transferred from one department to another, then they put me on hold, then they take my number and promise to call me back. It is too early to start medicating, but at this rate I am not going to hesitate starting before noon.

I have been up and awake since 3:00 am, I did manage to get a couple of hours of sleep, but I need more sleep…since I am unable to do that I might as well get my paperwork squared away and filed. I had a pile at least 6 inches thick, I’ve seperated everything and I’m dealing with each different stack by calling the offices I need, but incompetence is running straight across the board with everyone. Could it be that it is too close to Friday for them? Maybe I should have called on Tuesday or Wednesday.

getting it done~

My goal is to get everything filed and taken care, I want to make the payments I need to make and be done with that worry over it. I also have an oven waiting for me to put a cake in it.

I have my spreadsheet done for 2010 where I will keep track of all my tax deductions, I am determined to get better organized, no guarantees that I will stay organized but at least make the effort to get it done.

 

Tuesday’s MissAdventures~

 
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Brrrrrr....makes for perky tata's

I got up at 5am, piddled around until 5:45 and then woke up the boys, it was a chilly 31º outside, which could be felt in my room since I sleep with my windows open. The rest of the house thankfully was not freezing, I would have had to flog myself with a wet noodle if I had been freezing my boys. Mind you I have gotten myself used to sleeping with the hum of at least 3 fans on the highest setting to drown out all other noices…so yeah it was a bit brrr in my room. I do not have the physical strength to close or open any of the windows, it is an older house and the windows stick…so I have to remember to get the boys to either open or close them for me…cripplehood sucks ass and purple monkey balls.

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~~hehe balls hehe~

I need to invest in electric blankets, due to the joblessness situation and zero income coming in I already know we will not be running the heater…I was looking online and the reviews for the blankets I looked up don’t sound good, must be the same brand I purchased a few years back…they are not very sturdy, they unravelled and the heating elements were too spotty to provide enough warmth. I may need to take a trip to Sears and see what they have.

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Freaking idiots~

Spent a couple of hours and the phone on hold with idiots….well waiting on idiots…who never came on…eventually I was able to leave messages on their voicemail…now I have to wait for them to call me back, and hope I don’t forget why I called them. I have notes on my desk along with piles or documents that I must keep handy for reference when any of the idiots I’ve left messages decides to call on me….

Today I will make beef and cabbage soup, the boys love cabbage soup so that is what they will get….maybe some cookies to go with that, and for sure a salad.

Tomorrow I have an appointment, out of town…again, the thought of the 7.5 to 8 hours on the road are paining me to think about them….along with having to have my son take time off from work to drive me there. Again, being a useless cripple sucks ass and big purple monkey balls, I don’t recommend or wish this on anyone…yet for some reason I still cannot get it out of my head that at least one sick bastard out there gets a thrill knowing I am finally suffering for whateverthefuckididalifetimeago….yeah paranoid much….

Why-o, why-o

Why does sleep elude me? I am tired, I did manage a 30 minute nap before the boys got home from school…but that was not enough…I was going to try to read myself to sleep but that is not likely. Seems that my Tuesday was a waste, no answer from either the idiots at my insurance company or the idiots at the dr’s office. Frustrating as crap…I was also supposed to schedule an appointment for some further testing, hasn’t happened….I’m not necessarily looking forward to the drive out there or in trying to find someone to go with me. I hate asking my son or for that matter anyone else to take time off work to go. Right now finances are super tight and compensating someone to go with me in addition to the expense of getting there and possibly spending the night…$cary thought. How did I end up in this predicament? Well let’s see…when one is not popular or have RL friends…this shit happens. I wish I could just get it done locally but the DR I go to doesn’t feel that our neck of the woods has any professional capable of getting the testing done to his specifications….Back track…I do have RL friends but I am not comfortable in putting anyone out….I just wish I could do it myself…I’m not dealing well with the state of crippledom I am in. I’m worse off now than before….fuckers, they fucked me up….bitter? Who? Me? Shush up…

Do I sound bitter?
Do I sound bitter?

Que Tee Eff~

Todays high will be a nice and cool 69…and I’ve decided a big pot of chicken noddle soup with some jumbo flaky buttery biscuits and a salad will be on the menu this evening for my babies…and for dessert they can finish off the frozen strawberry concoction I prepared a couple of days ago…which I swear taste like strawberry ice cream and cheaper than strawberry ice cream and with a modification here or there I could probably create different flavored frozen concoctions that taste like ice cream.

 

The asshats don't tell you you have to jump through hoops
The asshats don't tell you you have to jump through hoops

 

 

I had a sleepless night, well I lie, sorta, I may have had a few minutes where I dozed off. Maybe throughout the day if I am lucky I’ll sleep. But then I have to be alert because I’ll be waiting for phone calls. I’m still having to deal with the idiots that be concerning my insurance and disability claim. I hate those fuckers. Hate is a strong word…so I take that back…or is fuckers a strong word…I’m so not a hater so let me rephrase that…I strongly dislike and have no use for those asshats. Which is sorta a lie…the only use I have for them is of a nature that involves them being the liasons between me and my money. I retract my dislike and will go back to hate.

I need to change the linens on my bed today, and I need to do laundry. That will render me useless for the most part…the simple act of changing linens will pretty much be all it takes to do me in. I have to contort myself somewhat to get the fitted sheet on my mattress…I just can’t leave that to the boys…well I could but that would mean I’d have to see my unmade bed all day long and I just can’t do that…it would drive me totally insane.

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