23 days….

In 23 days boy # 2 will leave us. Today it hit me, and as I broke down, he broke down with me. We hugged for a good while and said I love you, love you back, love you more. And cried some more. I thought I was all cried out from yesterday. I had a bittersweet father’s day, me and my dead daddy. He has been gone for over 20 years, yesterday it was raw and I decided to cheer me up….I phoned in an order from Applebee’s, 2 for $20, one appetizer and two entrees. I fed my daddy very well, spicy boneless wings, chicken and shrimp with potatoes and a riblet basket with fries. I was quite miserable when I was done…..confession, I might have fed us too much. My belly still hurts. Dead people can’t really eat. I’m getting fat. I’ve gained over 10 pounds in 2 weeks time. Not done getting fat. Going away party for D will add more weight. SIGH***

 

Guilt free~

Last month I broke my bathroom scale….right before the Thanksgiving holiday…I was not to thrilled about it, but that cheap $5 scale had served me well for many years. I decided I would not worry too much about indulging over Thanksgiving. I ate dozens of cookies, rich, crunchy pecan filled butter cookies. I ate pumpkin pie, I ate pink cloud salad, rolls, turkey and all the fixings….and at one point I realized I had gained a good seven pounds….I continued to eat all kinds of goodies, figuring I would replace my scale and then try to get back on track with being a bit more mindful of the amounts of food I put in my face.

Well fast forward to last Sunday and I was able to replace my $5 scale with a newer scale for $7…one drawback the numbers are smaller and sometimes I can’t quite tell where the dial is pointing to…but as long as it doesn’t go over a certain number I’m good. I did make a small discovery….and that is that I can pretty much still eat as much as I want and my metabolism still works…it is a bit slower than it used to but I am going to work on not being so obsessive over how FAT I am. (I know it’s all in my head)

Days away~

Thanksgiving is but a few mere days away…I am confounded at the different blogs, status updates or postings made by different people, friends, family and a few strangers.

The most popular feeling is “Stress”…

Seems like so many are stressed, over where they are spending the holiday…his or her family, mine or yours, here or there….I think to myself…”Wow…where is the joy?”

I am not a big holiday person…at least not “BIG” like most others get about the holidays…Me…well I am content with having my family and loved ones with me…last year I had my 3 boys do all the cooking, it was fun and this year I will have all three boys with me again…and once again they will do a majority of the cooking. I will supervise….and assist.

I feel sorry for the many other individuals who have conflicts with guests…who is bringing what, who is cooking what…who is helping to clean….yada, yada, yada…..

We have a turkey…we will do mashed potatoes, gravy, dressing, green bean casserole, rolls, pumpkin pies, cookies…punch…and I’m sure there will be other stuff…I’ve somehow managed to either do all this on my own or coordinate it all to where we can get all the  stuff on the table at a set time….no real fuss or muss….I open my home to my kids, my loved ones, family, friends….if you want to contribute something…great…if you can’t…no biggie….I just need a rough idea of how many more people to count….then I can add another side….

I guess my point is….why go through with all this holiday stuff if you are going to stress it? I am not into the holidays like most people…I enjoy the family part of it…..the stress…well I can do without it….and I have been around it enough to know I don’t want any part of it….

Wishing y’all a stress free day of thanks.

~Merry Thanksgivoween~

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Can you say Holiday Madness?

 Its easy to assume that the holidays can be compared to the affects drug addicts feel….there is all this anticipation, preparing, then the ultimate high and, finally, the crashing, devastating low.  All these holidays, starting with Halloween and ending with Christmas, feel like that.  We prepare all month long, the kids are high on the anticipation of the day to come and then BAM!! The day is over and we are left to pick up the pieces….of candy wrappers, lollipop sticks and half eaten candy.   Although, on the bright side most of us don’t go through the shakes and vomiting that drug addicts go through, but just the same most of us will be left moaning with our pants unbuttoned on the couch at some point during the holiday season….whether it be from chocolate overkill or just stuffing ourselves silly like we stuff our turkeys.

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Caused by chocolate overkill

For me Hallows Eve in years past had its many evils mostly me walking my not so happy ass around my neighborhood.  Let that be a lesson to the young couples out there, when looking for a house make sure it is a neighborhood you don’t mind dragging your half-dead self around for trick or treating while your kids get to be treated like the King and Queen of Candy land. The days, months, year to come will be filled with the ultimate evil, CANDY!!  Okay months and year is pretty much an exaggeration, the loot they collected for the most part is soon to be gone…and this year my not so happy ass stayed home while they went out on their own, boys 2 & 3 went together….and I was in my own panic, worried about the registered sex offenders in the area. I gave them a time limit and stressed that even one minute longer and they could forget about that freedom next year…which I’m sure was a threat not heard as I got it out of my mouth as their backs were headed happily out the door. So yeah, they did well, they were back early, mainly to check in and ask to be out a bit longer, I gave them an additional 20 minutes…they then went back out for one last round.

I would have given up my left tit to have had the ability to play dress up and take my cranky ass out with the boys, or friends…fuckity fuck, fuck…maybe next year!

Now we are moving to the turkey/gift buying frenzied season….and then we can put another year to rest with end of the year festivities. I’m already totally burnt out on going through the motions. For me the holidays are no longer what they used to be….for me they used to be about being around family. Now I just see it for what it has become an over commercialized zeitgeist….and for us, it will be on a much smaller scale this year, and probably I will break down and stuff a small turkey or a big chicken….but hey I’m getting way ahead of myself here…..now where did my bite sized Snickers go???

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