So many annoyances….

I(idiot…no not me…but yeah, sometimes I can be) Why don’t you believe?
R(me) Why do you?
I-I was raised Catholic
R-That’s all you got?
I-yes, I was raised in the church and that’s what my parents taught me.
R-Sounds like indoctrination
I-No, it was how I was raised
R-again, Sounds like indoctrination
R-yeah, that’s what I thought….you are basically telling me that you only believe because you were told to, taught to, take your pick, me, I just formed my own thoughts and opinions, and they may be wrong, but at least I’m formulating my own thoughts and not espousing someone else’s views that are just passed on generationally.
R-no bible thumping please, I had my fill from one idiot (or two) to last me a lifetime.


I have simple criteria….that means 3 basic things have to be met before I consider a date…
1. Must have a job
2. Must have transportaion (preferably your own)
3. Must not live with mommy

I’m not looking for a boyfriend (I’m too old for that) I don’t need, like or want a needy, insecure and clingy asshat. Don’t call me, then call me back 15 minutes later and tell me you’ve missed me. Then whine that I don’t like you or ever say I miss you. Hello…you need to give me time to miss you…so go away…stay away…be gone for a week…or two…or even three….I can’t stand a needy person.

Never ending home repairs…sigh…enough said…

and insomnia….I hate insomnia…gives me too much time to think about this shit that annoys me…but I have to keep it in because if I tell the asshats and idiots how I really feel they get butt hurt…I just can’t find it in me to give a shit sometimes….I know…breathe…and type…bitch or blow….now time to go make me some coffee and get ready for work. Happy Monday to me.asshat

El Don

Regalo o cosa que se da voluntariamente en señal de afecto.
Translation: A gift or thing that is voluntarily given as a sign of affection.

Countless….heat for my water, a stick on my fence, an ear for my words, a lock (or two or ten) for my door, a mower for my grass, a blower for the weeds, a brush for the paint on my walls, sealant for a leak, a charge for my battery, a battery ….the list just goes on and on….

But it isn’t about all the little things….it’s about all the little things put together.

Sometimes gifts arrive in unsuspecting packages. I’m not into gifts of the material kind, more importantly for me is the gift of self: trust, companionship, friendship, shared laughter….but a helping hand goes a long way.

A storied past, a colorful life….we all have our stories…stories muddied in violence, deceptions, love, hate…all forming little pieces of a puzzle that when put together create a big picture, a life story. I enjoy the intricacies of extracting the little nuggets of life that form each little piece….a short or long session where the truth of a soul comes out. Revelations made in turn, speaking over each other and filling in the blanks….rediscovering old forgotten memories, revisiting old memories and more importantly creating new memories.

I promised someone I would have a piece written for them born out of inspiration, in my head the story is still being written, still being pieced together….but a preface…well that I can start off with.

How it rolls….

Conversation with a friend…All I ever get  is that special someone who pretends to love me for who I am, then gradually wants to change me over a period of several years (or the much lesser months ) until we both hate me.

Nah…I’m good! LOL

Epiphanies galore~

These may not make sense to anyone but me, and that’s okay.

One door opens and sadness walks in, with an ending. Sadness tripped and split its pants. Well no that didn’t happen anywhere but in my head. ☺

When no one believes you even if everything you say is the truth, hurt a little, cry a little and let the choice be theirs.

Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser and you don’t realize until later that it’s because it fucked you.

Some people have this amazing ability in life, the ability to still care for people they shouldn’t give a damn about, people they have every right to hate because of all the shit they have put them through. I am not one of those people and I hate that about me, even though I hate Hate.

Deception is harmful to relationships, this I know and have been guilty of, try as I might I still fall into my own machinations…but this isn’t about me, even though the exact same thing was done to me. It pains me to know that someone I love dearly has gone through this, a fake attempt to entrap this person was perpetuated and all I can say is that trying to lay a trap for someone you love is sucky and devious in its own way. What does that say about the person going through extremes, if there is no trust, there is nothing.

If there is no trust there is nothing.


To hear that voice, see that mouth move

Venom from a snake, a heart with a stake

Wishful thinking, blissful lilting

Nails, wires, ropes for a dope

The joy of silence, the end of trilling

From a tree or a cliff or a mountainside

From a bottle, a pillow, a knife

In the water, on a plane, off a deck

Poof no magic draggin’

Rounds or ovals, whites and pinks

Yellows and blues, oranges too

Sweet tasting goods can fix your car

Voices that soothe, voices that lull

Words that hurt, words that purge

Love and hate, Hate and love

Words written in blood, spoken in truth

I don’t hate you, I’m just disappointed you turned into everything you said you’d never be.

I don’t hate you, I’m just disappointed you turned into everything you said you’d never be.

Weak….I hate your weakness. You want something but you aren’t afraid to let it go without a fight. You’ve proved giving up is easier than fighting.

You want better than what you have or what you get, but you deserve what you have and what you got. Suck it up cupcake.

Look in the mirror and be sick with what looks back at you, all you can do is stop looking or break the damn mirror.

You are great at giving sound advice but far be it from you to follow what you preach. Just think how far ahead you could be if you listened to yourself once in a while.

Am I talking to you? or talking to myself? or just talking…… 

What I should’ve said was…

There’s always a little truth behind every “just kidding”, a little knowledge behind every “I don’t know”, a little emotion behind every “I don’t care”, and a little pain behind every “It’s okay”!

In my case a lot of pain behind my every “it’s okay”, “I’m fine”, “all’s good”.

Looks like my last “I’m fine” will come back to bite me in the ass.

Today has been a weird day for me, emotionally (or perhaps hormonally) I’ve been all over the place. Good thing I’m left alone to fall apart, hate having witnesses to my humanity. I hate tears, whether they are angry tears, happy tears, or whatever other kind tears decide to burst forth out of my stupid retarded nasolacrimal ducts.

I spent a good 2 hours on my DDC online, hate the system that times it, it shouldn’t take 10 minutes to read some of the portions…I try pacing myself, but then find myself just answering the question without reading the crap….aometimes I wish I was a slow reader.

I made some muffins, have been instructed to make more tomorrow and not eat 3 of them, I shouldn’t have done that but I’ll blame it on the hormones. Or the assholebitchbastardpigjerkwad that made me do it. Well nobody was here to make me eat 3 muffins but I feel like blaming someone….cause that is just the kind of mood I’m in.

I think it is safe to say it is a good time to just medicate myself…so with that I am off to get some water to down a “happy” pill or two….

Going clubbing~

Their relationship was…interesting…and they both battled for control, and not infrequently they had heated discussions — arguments — okay, fights. They regularly resolved to do better, but on whose terms would they do better?

His! Hers!

Round and round, and then they would be making up and falling back in love, until before long they were “discussing” again. Over their many years together, this rhythm, which others might find unbearable, had become familiar and even comfortable, mostly because it was theirs. And in spite of the storm cycles, there had been no big betrayals — no affairs — or at least, um, none that she knew of.

She came to appreciate the volatility of their union, in her it cemented a warped sense of love, honor and trust. She knew the opposite could be said for him.

She stumbled upon many clubs in the night-time hours when others slept. She went clubbing, on her own, as a voyeur she could sit back and watch implosions. Relationships are a mystery to her, on the outside they can look shiny, pretty, wrapped up in a perfectly puffed out bow. Upon closer inspection, looking through a film covered glass the once shiny façade becomes a run of the mill story that can be found in every “Once upon a time” tale. Sitting there, eavesdropping on a table of jaded lovers she hears truths.

Yes, she has the best possible “Once upon a time” tale of her own.

Happily never after….cause she has it good~

Confession is good for the soul~

You know I hate it when you cry. It makes me want to burn your eyes out with a poker every time and eat popcorn sitting in the corner with a finger continuously in the peanut butter jar. Oh and I have a wicked confession to make…and I have to get it off my chest or I will blow….here goes…. I had intended to do a salad for lunch and I didn’t, instead I had a combination of chicken, beef, greasy cheese and goopy beans and some guacamole…should have done the salad…oh well I’ll just do the salad for supper…tomorrow.


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