So I did my end of the year post in Spanish yesterday…for some reason when I was thinking about it the thoughts only came to me in Spanish….I tried to think of why my mind was blocking English thought, no answers, for the record I think mostly in English, my dreams (from what I can remember of them) are also in English….anywho….I was reflecting on friendships, the loss of friends whether through just life events, choice, circumstance or whatever the cause…some of those losses I have felt deeply while others were inconsequential….I have a hard time trusting anyone to be a part of my small world, the people I do let in my world get to know me…(not the whole of me, for that I am not now or never will be able to fully trust any one individual to know that much about me). In some ways my world is getting smaller….that part is by choice….and just like yesterdays post I once again lost my train of thought….I suppose to surmise where all this gobbledygook is going is that in some way I am mourning the losses of 2018. And while I was attempting to gather my thoughts I came across this:
Goodbyes are not always easy…some goodbyes are meant more like a see ya later…some are more final…I’ve got a few final goodbyes under my belt…and not the ones where someone physically died, they just became dead to me…whether thru negative actions on their part…or mine…(I’m no angel after all) anywho…as of late I have another one…not because of anything catastrophically or inherently beyond reason…but it just worked itself into that…the saying of water under the bridge applies in many instances, I do have a forgiving nature, I am easy going…for the most part…but in other areas I am unyielding, unbending and allow things to get to a point that there is no turning back…so with that being said….yup, water under the bridge….nothing to forgive and no regrets…but……..I’ve learned thru the years that we don’t always know what the water carries and it’s best to take a step back and not wallow in the muck…
I hate drama…especially when I haven’t done or said anything to warrant it…I offered my unconditional support to someone, offered an ear, advice and gave of my time. Tried to stick up for this person, knowing said individual has had the sad misfortune of being raised by a sad excuse for a human.
What do I get in return for my efforts? I get shit on…that’s what I get….lol.
That’s all fine and good, I can take it…for a second or two…but I don’t have to. So said individual can fuck off….I’ve taken enough crap in my personal life that the notion of outside crap has left a bad taste in my mouth.
I can wish this person well, and I can at the same time give them a big fuck you goodbye.