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Posts Tagged ‘energy’

What? Yeah…..some trends that have been growing exponentially….on Facebook most days I feel like I don’t know the place anymore….I used to enjoy my drop-ins and contributions to make someone smile or think….nowI feel like I accidentally stumbled back in time and I’m in church….the Church of Facebook….where there are all sorts of condemnations…..or back when I’d drop in at the town’s local pancake and coffee shop and the old timers would get into heated discussions over politics….***SIGH**** I do miss the old Facebook….I know some of the going ons are trends, the pet posting, the trout pout pics, etc, etc….anywho I’ll stop bitching about that….

Day off from job 1, so much to do and waiting on motivation, savoring my coffee…still doing laundry, have ironing to do, clothes to put away,a vacuum to run, a list of things I want to put together and photograph and hopefully sell, if not off to freecycle. I also have to try to finish my haircut….I can get one side just right or close enough to where it does what I want to, but I get challenged with the other side, I’ll eventually get it to where I’m okay with it or where I give up and let it grow out again.

My cup is almost dry…so I’ll be wrapping things up, shower, haircut, ironing station setup, may watch a movie while I do that….then I’m hoping for a nap before I go to job 2…..I want to enter a drawing for maid service for a year….and win….where do I sign up????

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Things that my eyes want to start spurting…my electric bill. Yowza….so I listen to rhetoric, made to feel guilty for having my house burning at 97 degrees indoors, heck I think if I’d have set the place on fire it still might have been cooler….anywho my electric bill had been consistently under $100, I’ve heard others tell me how high theirs is and I couldn’t imagine ever having mine that high. Well it has happened and so even though I now have a new A/C unit I won’t be enjoying it much. What is the point of even having central heat and air if I can’t even afford to run it. In the winter my house is usually a chilly 40 degrees sometimes colder but at least we can wrap ourselves with blankets and warm up. When it is this hot even getting naked doesn’t help.

What else brings out the waterworks? Having to lock myself in my room, dump out all my jewelry and make a couple of piles, keepers and go-ers. Then I’ll have to put on my big girl panties and secure them when I go and allow myself to get royally fucked at the pawn shop. Just putting those words down makes me feel dirty and sick. I won’t have an issue parting with some of my jewelry but just having to go through the doors of such a place makes me puke inside my mouth.

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Yesterday I had a few things I had wanted to get done…that in itself is not a big deal if I plan it right. I don’t yet have the energy or stamina to run around all day long. Well somehow I ended up (throughout the day) wasting over 6 hours on the phone. That is a whole lot of talking and not enough doing. Of course I have no one to blame as I was the one that either picked up the phone to take the call or pick up the phone to make the call. I am not much of a phone person, I hate calling people. (Skyping is not included in this diatribe.)

So on my list of to do’s was my car….but I didn’t get to it, it’ll have to wait until Monday. I think I may be due for an oil change (I’ll send boy # 2 out to check) and I also need it trip checked. I also need to get my truck in for a trip check. I like keeping both vehicles at the ready so it is vital that I keep up with those pesky little issues. *sigh*

Last night (or rather this morning) I was done with the phone and felt my meds had kicked in and I was ready for bed, but I had to pee (sorry if that is TMI) I got up to take care of my business and came back to bed. Well all that did was serve to remind my body that it was not really ready for sleep. *sigh, again* So I picked up my book and read a couple hundred pages and finally dozed off, only to be woken up by my beautiful boys right as I was getting to that peaceful place *sigh*

It’ll happen soon enough, I’ll get sleep. maybe I’ll get a nap in today. But I am now off to shower and settle in to watch TV. Happy Saturday to one and all.

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It’s here~

It's here~

Twenty-ten that is….I actually was awake at midnight…I knocked on the wall…that is like the bat signal at my house…the kids know it means help….or mom needs something….so anyhoo I knocked on the wall…they both (boys 2 & 3) came in to see what I needed….their fear is that I will fall off the bed as I usually lay right on the edge…anyhoo…I digress….I was knocking to wish them both a Happy New Year. Boy # 1 had gone to work for a few hours then came home to spiffy up and meet up with some friends. He came in smelling like onion….I hate onions, the smell, the texture…anyways he got that onion funk off and off he went. I hope he had a good night…and a safe one too. He didn’t come home, but that was the plan for him, to stay with his friends safe from the idiots on the road.

My version of the bat signal~

My tenant had not been done moving yesterday evening…I hope he is done, I will need to send the boys to check…I also need to round-up a new tenant…so if anyone needs an apartment for rent…I have one. I most definitely need to get it rented as my disability check does not stretch far enough to cover all the bills. I just dread the process of finding the right person to rent. This last one, was an ideal tenant, aside from his paying his rent late….we never saw much of him and had no real issues with him. That is my idea of an ideal tenant….I don’t want to see them, except for when they pay rent.

I was able to do a bit of reading last night, finally made it to chapter six…if you know me and my zest for reading, then you will know that I really am having a struggle…at my most normal I can read a book or two in a day along with random reading throughout the day….but lately I have been struggling with not only reading but comprehension. I really dislike that. It is not a good place to be if you are an avid reader.

Wake up you dead brain head~

As I sit here I feel like I have a good dalop of energy…maybe it is only mental energy, but I hope to still have it by the time the boys wake up. I need to get some cleaning done.

And I’m off….

Happy New Year to you and yours!

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I have a new debate with myself to ponder, to go or not to go, to stay or not to stay…on the one hand I was looking forward to it, and on the other hand, I have four fingers and a thumb. It is very disconcerting for me to one day be so happy and full of energy and watch it evaporate as if nothing. I’ve tried convincing myself to paste on a smile and put my face on in hopes that that will make everything better. It doesn’t work that way, the day ends up being a waste of makeup. My days are filled with nothing but recovering on my mind, tomorrow, rather today as it is now officially Wednesday, so good morning if you are up and reading this…whoever you are…where was I? Oh yeah today yesterdays lunch is supposed to happen, but now I’m thinking I need to cancel/reschedule, but then the other part of me thinks I should just go and get it over with. I know it would do me good to get out, but at the same time, I will get back and be done for the rest of the week…so I’m not sure which direction I should go in.

I do have to make the effort to settle some billing questions I have, I received a new bill and I’m thinking I’ve already paid it, so today I spent a couple of hours going through countless PDF files and printing the ones I didn’t have copies of. After doing that I wasn’t coherent enough to try and figure out if I had paid it or not. Part of me is thinking I should just suck it up and pay it, it is only $30.00 + but then another part of me thinks I need to make sure I am not double paying it. That is money that could feed my kids at school.

Then there is the issue with my insurance and my doctors office and paperwork that isn’t being completed resulting in me not getting any disability checks until it is resolved. I have until the 6th at which point they would close the file and then I’m not sure what my next step is. It is mentally exhausting and a bit stressful. Not having funds coming in to pay the mortgage and utilities is not something I really want to have to be dealing with right now. But I can only survive with my head in the sand for so long. Yes, sometimes being Ms Independent sucks ass. But that is life, or at least that is my life. Life sometimes does suck big hairy monkey balls and ass.

Okay so there was my pity party and I thank you (whoever has bothered to read this far) for attending. I promise to make the next pity party a bit more fun and formal, with actual hand delivered or snail mailed invites printed on textured card stock and folded just so and enclosed in those cotton envelopes I have in my pantry. It will be a BYOB (bring your own Bitch, Bottle, Beer, Bong, Bat, Ball) or whatever item that starts with the letter B….

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It isn’t healthy if you have to hide it, be it because of age, one of you is still married (to someone else), racial, social or due to affiliation, be it political or otherwise. If you can’t revel in your love for someone else publically why bother…can’t/won’t hold hands publically…keep them out of sight of your friends, or just call you a “friend”. If it takes energy and imagination to keep it contrived for public consumption do you still call it love…I’d call it a dirty, but glorious dirty little secret…listening to that Spanish song loosely translated “Secret Love” where he talks about having to change her name, as she is the mistress, call her family, meetings are clandestine…I can only imagine the low self esteem of the “mistress” she gets to be that dirty little secret for his benefit…why would anyone lend themselves to that…it boggles my mind…

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Earthquake in Tokyo, typhoon in China, air crash in NY, landslide in India, latinos hail Sotomayor, Texas inmate hides gun in fat flabs, 40 hurt in California prison riot, Baby Found Crawling on Busy Street, Hillary cuts her hair….such is the craziness around us.

As for me, well, more sleeplessness than I care for, I wish I could sleep 10-20 hours a day, that would surely help me with this damn recovery, I’m so fucking tired of being tired, tired of hurting, of not being able to get around. Imiss my independence, one thing is for sure, I will not ever take it for granted.

The day has to get here sooner rather than later where I will be able to just get on with my life. I don’t know what the next stage will be, I do know than I will make changes, like possibly more travel. More get togethers with family, I will work on accepting the invitations to visit….

But today….well I have another day of nothingness ahead of me, I need to go to the grocery store, but I just don’t have the energy or desire to go….I wish I had a personal shopper, that knew what products and brands I use….oh well….I can dream….even if I have to be awake to do it….

Well I’m off hopefully something positive will fall on me today…

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