Give it up~

When you try as hard as you can, to do what you think is right and all you get is that same old cold shoulder, when you do all you can and all that’s left is to give it up all you can do is turn it loose.

Such a convoluted thought, then again I’m currently medicated so everything coming out of my head is jumbled up. Took two Norco’s, Doxepin, and Mobic, pain pills, sleeping pill and a muscle relaxer. I’m hoping something works, it’s got to. Actually part of my face is feeling numb, that’s a good sign right? Maybe the rest of me gets to feeling numb soon. My fingers aren’t working all that great, I keep having to correct typo’s, so if I miss any blame the drugs….pain or lack of sleep, or blame it on all…I know how to spell, but I’m feeling a bit dyslexic and dexterically challenged…and yes, I think I just sorta made up that word….but it derived from dexterity, so there…blow me.

So anyways, this whole financial situation I’m in has led me down a dark path…I’ve signed on to do something that I never thought I would do…it isn’t illegal so I will be able to sleep at night, (ha, insert crazed laughter here, that will only happen if the meds kick in) but I do have kids to feed and shelter, tough times, tough choices….but in the end I’ll have a story to tell…that’s if I don’t end up dead before I can tell the story.

Nothing takes the place of __________(fill in the blank) I feel the __________, without _________nothing is the same. Oh my _________, I am so ____________because nothing takes the place of ______________.

I missed boy # 3’s parade today, tomorrow he has another event he will participate in, I don’t know if I’ll make it to that, due to aforementioned dark path.

I’m experiencing dry mouth, if only I had some wet stuff, other than water, which I am already imbibing, then my mouth would be wetter and perhaps the meds would kick in quicker.

You know those ghosts from the past…well I had another pop into my life….it is quite strange, one day you hear from someone you tried to forget, and quite honestly I had almost forgotten said ghost….ALMOST, there were mere thoughts in passing but for the most part not even much of a blip on my radar screen. But then nothing, no follow-up. Not sure what is up with that, part of me is curious, part of me feels ghosts should stay ghosts…but I’m patient…not that I have options.

I got three new books today, well new to me, I hadn’t thought of adding to my library in a while, but I think I’m ready to see if there are readers out there ready to give up some of their books. I have a book I’ve been reading on and off for a few days. The last couple of books I’ve picked up haven’t captivated my attention…but I’m trying to finish what I start. Nothing sucks worse than reading a couple hundred pages and then giving up with only a couple hundred more pages to go…but I’ve got a few books I’ve given up midway to halfway through.

This week has been a week of old favorite shows coming back on, NCIS, Criminal Minds, Body of Proof, Hawaii Five-0, Harry’s Law and a few new shows I may check out. I haven’t watched any yet, saving them for the weekend…as that is when there is nothing good on and the boys like some of those shows and I enjoy my time with them being couch potatoes.

Well I think I’ve talked long enough to myself….maybe soon I will doze off….I can only hope………..

Contradictory much???????

Sunday @ Casa Cantu

muy good~

The boys are all still asleep, I am enjoying my Godiva Chocolate Truffle Coffee that I got for Christmas from Jess. I will finish my coffee and this post then go and see if I can find energy to make breakfast. If I do make breakfast it will be a scrounging thing. I have a few slices of bacon and two small potatoes so I can easily make bacon/egg/potato burritos.

muy good too~

Yesterday as I was about to step into the shower I discovered that the water heater went out again…so not cool. I need to defunkify myself and the boys will need showers for school tomorrow. Totally sucktastic. I called the service company out again yesterday but they were backed up with busted pipes so I wasn’t on a priority list. I will call again and see if today will be possible for a fix. These are the times I wish I had a handyman, like a dad, uncle, brother, cousin that knows how to fix everything and could come over and do it for a couple of beers. My son is not capable in these areas as I am incapable in these areas myself. That is where I struck out at being a dad.


I may watch a movie or two today…or not, I have a few episodes of Criminal Minds recorded and haven’t watched any CM in a while, I was building up my arsenal of shows for the weekend so the kids and I could vegetate together in front of the TV.

I’ll be working on my grocery list and sending the boys out to get the goods…we have dishes that need to be done, trash that needs to be taken out and stuff that needs to be freecycled. (


I'm feeling drained~

I’m drained, it has been a couple of days and I’m still not recovered…I have been to hell and back more times than I care to even count..and I’m not done with my travels there.

On to other shtuff…..I made some cinnamon apple pecan strudel muffins, I had been craving them for a while and decided to make them.

Apple muffins ~ yum

Today I didn’t feel like cooking, so I didn’t, I ordered some egg rolls, egg drop soup and some shrimp fried rice, it hit the spot and I am full…for now. But I am thinking of beer and wings….

This could hit the spot later....

Now I am off to read for a while…the boys and I have vegetated long enough watching Criminal Minds….no more TV for this evening.

Sunday….funday…no…just Sunday

because I am a great mom~

I started the day by fixing breakfast for us, had my coffee, read my online newspapers….then off to the living room to vegetate. Enjoyed a Criminal Minds marathon (pre-recorded) with my boys, mainly boy # 1 and I watched, boy # 2 joined in, but he just keeps on talking and talking, so I’m constantly having to pause and rewind because he just loves to hear himself talk.

Lunch was more of a find it, kill it, cook it and eat it….with an emphasis on finding it…lots of frozen meats, and very few ready to eat, easy to fix options…they won’t starve, they’ll just appreciate my cooking when I finally get around to feeding them.

Old school Mexican coffee bean grinder~

After watching the last recorded episode of Criminal Minds I sent boy # 1 & 3 out to get groceries, boy # 2 stayed behind and offered very little assistance, but he did grind my coffee beans so that worked for me….I can’t wait to try my coffee sent by the lovely Cynthia (Chocolatier extraordinaire)  in Hawaii. Anyhoo…I made fried chicken tenders, macaroni and cheese and mixed veggies…quick and easy….and very good…or they were perfectly starved. I love to have everything gone and no left overs to mess with.

2 hrs I will never recover, but oh well~

Watched another couple of hours of TV….Four Brothers and 60 Minutes….then was on the phone for a bit…then here…lurking around several places, catching up with emails, posting comments here and there and of course authoring this latest blog.

I am actually smarter this very moment….I have just had an epiphany.

or I just realized I've been granted the okay~

Happy Hump Day Doings~

I’ve had a couple of days…maybe more of feeling generally disconnected…it’ll pass….I’ve been keeping myself busy cleaning out junk drawers, simple little tasks…I’ve done two loads of laundry, which I’ve yet to put away…I’ve sorted, wrapped and counted $91.oo in coins, which I’ve yet to get deposited in the bank. I’ll need to have someone do that for me….that’ll pay for my copay for my next Dr.s appointments, plus transportation….I also have a pile going of jackets, sweaters, shirts, books and other shtuff that need a new home.


There is a light mist outside, I have a pineapple upside down cake in the oven and will make a casserole for dinner this evening. I may make a pot of coffee and indulge in cake before the boys get here….then I’ll watch them demolish it. I have a companion with me, he is curled up in my bed…it is nice to have company, hear other noise besides me hobbling around.


I started catching NCIS, Criminal Minds and CSI on DVR, there are so little choices in primetime and for that matter daytime as well…I peruse the TV guide and set it up for the day, I try to have it at 80% to 90% full because weekends are worse, there is just nothing to watch….I should be reading more….but I can’t afford new books and I can’t get to the library….I’ve got a few books started I should try yo get them all finished and get rid of them.

I’m off to check on my cake….it smells good…then pop a pill and take a nap….

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