The Ex Files Part 13~

She began to think she should postpone their wedding. Her fiancé seemed incapable of being apart from her….they dated long distance, so she had not realized the extent of his clinginess until they moved in together.

If she wanted some “alone time,” he would immedietely get offended. If she didn’t stand or sit next to him or cuddle with him, he claimed she didn’t like him. If she ate lunch with a friend instead of him as she was prone to do daily he would become upset. Even when they spent time with her family, there were repercussions, usually it would be moping and drama when they got home.

His parents divorced when he was 11, and neither wanted much to do with him or his brother. Initially, she found his behavior sweet . Flattered that he was always willing to go with her anywhere, even shopping at a mall, none of her friends could boast the same from their men.  Soon she began to think he might be a little too afraid of her going alone…perhaps fearing for her safety, more reason to be flattered-was what she tried to convince herself with.

She began to feel a pang of unease, she felt suffocated, making her trips to even get a box of maxi pads such an ordeal…her new ball and chain couldn’t even stay behind while she drove down the street for a couple of items, she tried getting him to go pick up these things for her, but would then insist she go with him as he would enjoy her company.

For him and his unresolved issues, every day began to feel like what she had gone through with her kids the first few days of school, the clinging, the crying, the desperation and fear at being left behind and the fear that mom wouldn’t show up at the end of the school day.

It was one thing to give birth to a clingy child, but she didn’t think she could marry one. She knew she had choices to make, live with constant conflict or avoid seeing family or friends or doing anything that would trigger his abondonement issues. At this point her even going to the bathroom would agitate him, he would even ask her to leave the door open so he could still see her and hear her. She was afraid that this was beginning to feel normal and like complete adoration from her beloved.

She began to see herself behind a locked and padded door attached forever more to him, what in an instant could feel like such devotion would in the next instant feel like a lifetime term behind prison walls. Not to mention the constant need to call her at work, text her throughout the day and email her every few hours, if she didn’t reply to his calls, texts or emails he would find a way to drop by or he would then begin to call her friends or coworkers to make sure she was okay.

This crazy train was out of control and she needed off….

Book reviews and randomness~ randomness first…

None of us owns each other. None of us really has the right to make any claims on another human being, and the truth is that in the whole scheme of things we are granted the opportunity to be together for a very brief time.

In my book there are several chapters where the above resonates very loud with the same sentiment repeated over and over. It covers those horrid chapters of marriage and divorce and the thought of an idiot human being feeling the need to think themselves owner of the other person in the relationship. Those interminable moments where one insecure insignificant pathetic excuse for a human felt the need to lord their issues of paranoia over the other…quite sad on both sides as one repeated the experience over and over with the same result…. 😉

Now on to the books…

Nightshade by John Saul ~~ Fifteen-year-old Matthew Moore seems to have a charmed life . . . until a mysterious fire forces his grandmother to move in with his family. The elderly woman insists on recreating the bedroom of Cynthia, her favored child who died tragically more than a decade ago. Soon Matt’s life insidiously begins to change. At night he finds himself haunted by nightmares of unimaginable terror. In the morning the smell of Cynthia’s perfume “Nightshade” hence the titleseems to linger in his room. While his grandmother drives a wedge between his once devoted parents, Matt transforms from a gregarious teenager to a hostile loner. Then a shocking tragedy shatters the family beyond repair–as a horrific shadow from the past takes on an implacable life of its own, clawing toward Matt with ferocious hunger…I hadn’t read John Saul in quite a while, his writing style remains the same, he seems stuck writing about teens, always some type of sexual theme, this one had incest…there are some twist and turns and it is a quick read…note to self, do not read any more Saul books.

Smash Cut by Sandra Brown ~~ A millionaire gets blown away in a hotel elevator. Suspicion points at the sexy young woman with whom he shares a hotel room each Tuesday noon. The violence and sex grab readers; the clever plot holds them. In the opening there is a hot scene of the popular mile high club….sure sounds hot, but soon after I’m thinking yuck, yuck, yuck…bathrooms are so nasty…another quick read and good plot twist.

Break Neck by Erica Spindler ~~ Homicide detective Mary Catherine Riggio is having a rotten time. Not long after her boyfriend proposes marriage, he’s murdered. Soon after that, MC’s cousin Tommy is also killed. And then there’s the mysterious death of a young computer whiz, whose killer apparently made off with his computer after breaking his neck. The reader will see the plot twists and surprising revelations coming long before the characters do. The two leads are a likable pair even if the story itself is rather predictable…another quick read…oh and the cyber stuff is over explained…but oh well…

Seeing Red by Susan Crandall ~~ Ellis Greene remembers very little about the night of her cousin Laura’s murder, but she does recall the face of the murderer. Ellis was the key witness to the crime, and her testimony helped put Hollis Alexander in jail for a long time. With Hollis behind bars, Ellis should feel safe, but the memory of that awful night still haunts her. Determined to free herself from the fear of being attacked like her cousin, Ellis has become an expert in self-defense. However, when Ellis hears that Hollis has been paroled, she feels like a helpless teenager again–and she isn’t the only one who notices that he’s free. I was not completely blown away by who the villain ended up being.

So all in all there was some type of romance in most of these books….not my typical choice, but these are all books from a different library, all handed over to me and recommended…I think someone is trying to sway me away from my preferred blood and gore.

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not~

Who are you?

Hate. Such a strong word…an emotion of strong revulsion. I cannot say I hate anyone, but I do have a strong dislike at times for short periods of time.  I don’t think it would do any good to hold on to feelings of hate…so I don’t…sure a day or two I might be bitching about hating something/someone then I’ll get over it.

Love…well that is the other extreme…an emotion that cannot be conveyed as easily as hate can. It runs the gamut from expression towards food to the benign such as shoes or ever more intense, a feeling for another.

Hate me for being a vile human but don’t love me for being a hypocrite. Too deep a quote….

But hey it’s Friday….and that means absolutely nothing in my world. My old crippled ass will be doing the same thing I’ve been doing since June of last year. I’ll be at home where I have no life, where I cannot cause any trouble out in the real world. If you ask what kind of trouble I could cause….well I breathe, that’s enough trouble right there….LOL…

I’ll probably do some reading, I’ve been laying off the TV, there really isn’t much on there to watch…I do need to try to find some movies to record so the boys won’t be terribly bored. Tonight will be steak and potatoes and if I get around to it I may bake a cake, haven’t baked a cake in a while.

I’ve also been back to entertaining the thought of moving…Calgon take me away….

So much randomness oh and I’ll be working on a new short for the Ex Files, this will be different but no so much, it comes from a reader….but chillingly familiar…I swear abusers are all the same, controlling, insecure and just jerks.

And I’m off….

The EX Files ~ Part 5

***To read the complete series go to “CATEGORIES” on the right side and click on “THE WRITE STUFF”.***

She realized that he was an insecure man, jealous, controlling and not all together very bright, but he also had a mean streak to him that terrified her. She had in mind that her vows were meant to last a lifetime, but would she? Every day the reminders of her stupidity were repeated, he could not let her get out of the house without reminding her that she was his.

In another world, the one where she would go to for her job, she had friends, she had laughter and she had freedom. There she could be herself, she could have articulate conversations, she could share a joke, her friends got her sense of humor, they didn’t judge her, and they didn’t want to change her. She was perfect just the way she was. She was the only one that could not see it.

He began to notice the changes in her and determined that he did not like where things were going. He could see that she had begun to rebel against him, he wasn’t going to allow that. He began to call her throughout the work day; it got to where she had to stay close by the phone when the clock indicated his shift at his job had ended. She was embarrassed that he was calling her so much; she didn’t want her coworkers to hear her conversations with him. She would have to reassure him that she was indeed at work that was confirmed by her answering the phone. When she didn’t answer he would berate her for not getting to the phone, she tried to explain to him that at times she would be assisting customers making it impossible for her to get to the phone.

One beautiful spring day was marred by the reflection hitting a vehicle out in the parking lot and shining into the store front window. Her coworkers came to her and warned her to be careful when she left home after her shift ended, they had noted the car and its driver parked around the lot in different places, but always with a vantage point into the store front. She became mortified when she realized it was her husband. Now she realized why the calls had become infrequent, she also realized why their son was always warm to the touch when she got home and picked him. He had kept their son with him in the car exposed to the hot son while he kept an eye on her.

It was a maddening situation and she knew she would be in for a long night, she had not done anything but go to work and return home after her shift. She already was aware that every evening upon her return he would go to her vehicle and check the mileage and question any discrepancy on the odometer. She dared not go anywhere else and risk his rage and accusations, she had no other place to go but to her job. She would even take her lunch with her so that he wouldn’t question the additional miles on the vehicle. When her coworkers invited her out she would make excuses about not having money on her, or not being hungry or explain that she had brought her lunch.

Her coworkers had already figured out who the stalker in the parking lot was, they had overheard her on the phone with him and had seen her being dropped off before. They were respectful of her privacy and did not want to embarrass her; they wanted to reassure her that she had friends who cared. Soon they were able to convince her to join them for lunch, no excuses allowed, they would drive her, they would pay her lunch, and they would just be happy with her company even if all she did was sit there and have a drink.

Disclaimer**Given the nature of the books I have been reading lately I am inspired to write a few short stories revisiting parts of my life that included episodes of domestic violence….I will be calling this series “The Ex Files” very clever right….lol….I thought so….it will be an amalgamation of my personal experiences steeped with those of others that I was very close to. The parallels are uncanny in some instances….but the patterns of abusers and abusees are almost always the same…it’s like the same behaviors are either taught to the next generation or there are some secret classes being held somewhere in some secret location.**

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