Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘control’

So many annoyances….

Religion…
I(idiot…no not me…but yeah, sometimes I can be) Why don’t you believe?
R(me) Why do you?
I-I was raised Catholic
R-That’s all you got?
I-yes, I was raised in the church and that’s what my parents taught me.
R-Sounds like indoctrination
I-No, it was how I was raised
R-again, Sounds like indoctrination
I-huh….
R-yeah, that’s what I thought….you are basically telling me that you only believe because you were told to, taught to, take your pick, me, I just formed my own thoughts and opinions, and they may be wrong, but at least I’m formulating my own thoughts and not espousing someone else’s views that are just passed on generationally.
I-huh
R-no bible thumping please, I had my fill from one idiot (or two) to last me a lifetime.

Dating….

I have simple criteria….that means 3 basic things have to be met before I consider a date…
1. Must have a job
2. Must have transportaion (preferably your own)
3. Must not live with mommy

I’m not looking for a boyfriend (I’m too old for that) I don’t need, like or want a needy, insecure and clingy asshat. Don’t call me, then call me back 15 minutes later and tell me you’ve missed me. Then whine that I don’t like you or ever say I miss you. Hello…you need to give me time to miss you…so go away…stay away…be gone for a week…or two…or even three….I can’t stand a needy person.

Never ending home repairs…sigh…enough said…

and insomnia….I hate insomnia…gives me too much time to think about this shit that annoys me…but I have to keep it in because if I tell the asshats and idiots how I really feel they get butt hurt…I just can’t find it in me to give a shit sometimes….I know…breathe…and type…bitch or blow….now time to go make me some coffee and get ready for work. Happy Monday to me.asshat

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

 

~I do what I do because I love you~

To read the complete series go to “CATEGORIES” on the right side and click on “THE WRITE STUFF”.

She had a caring, generous boyfriend that stopped by her job “only a few times a day” and showed up at her door the minute she got home from work. Under the pretext of “love,” he tried to inhabit every molecule of air around her. There was no such thing as personal space with him. He’d show up unexpectedly (with flowers), call first thing in the morning “to see how she was” and last thing at night (bed check!). Stopping by her work “only a few times a day” was a few times too many, because he knew it could cost her her job and spring the trap for this to make her totally dependent upon him.

This guy’s need to control her was beyond obsessive and helped her to realize he wasn’t ever going to change, she needed to get away; she knew it wouldn’t be easy. His darker side emerged as she came to realize that by monopolizing her time and removing her ability to make decisions, he was cutting her off from everything. She no longer went out with friends and family — only him. She couldn’t make a move without him tagging along.  She began to feel smothered, she soon had the sense that she was becoming “indebted” to him and she knew he would soon call in that marker. He started tracking wherever she went, dropped by her family if she was visiting them, and even recorded the mileage on her car. One night he became enraged because she hadn’t returned from a visit with a relative “on time” and bounced her off a wall.

Every one of her friends agreed that this “perfect” boyfriend was an abuser waiting to happen. He was already indebting her, showing insensitivity to her feelings, smothering and controlling her. She needed to drop him — and fast.

Disclaimer**Given the nature of the books I have been reading lately I am inspired to write a few short stories revisiting parts of my life that included episodes of domestic violence….I will be calling this series “The Ex Files” very clever right….lol….I thought so….it will be an amalgamation of my personal experiences steeped with those of others that I was very close to. The parallels are uncanny in some instances….but the patterns of abusers and abusees are almost always the same…it’s like the same behaviors are either taught to the next generation or there are some secret classes

Read Full Post »

**Domestic Violence is not just physical abuse, it includes, verbal, emotional and also includes psychological as well as other forms of abuse. Domestic Violence should not happen to anyone…EVER. **

She set out to find a babysitter and a job, she had no prior experience but was smart and willing and able to do anything, start from the bottom and work her way up. She picked up a paper and drove up and down the streets to familiarize herself with the area; she kept her eye out for any “Help Wanted” signs.

Once home she took her paper to her bedroom and looked thru the paper and began calling the numbers for those offering childcare services. She set up meetings and asked for directions and felt confident that the next day would yield her favorable luck.

She discussed with her husband her intention of setting out for a job, he was not pleased to hear this, but was also quick to let her know it would be a relief as he wouldn’t have to listen to her ask for money anymore.

One of the driving forces for her to secure a job had been the degradation she felt having to continually ask for money to buy household items, groceries and even for her own personal items. He had always been in control of the finances and had no intentions of sharing that with her. He kept her on a strict budget and would blow up anytime she would ask him to pick up milk, diapers or anything that might be needed during the week. He was quick to let her know how stupid she was that she couldn’t even buy enough to last for a week. She tried explaining to him that with his sister and her family now living there and using everything they had bought, things were just not lasting as long.

He refused to acknowledge her explanations, it was her fault and that was that. It was pointless to argue with him so she did the best she could, she had resorted to makeshift diapers using whatever she could find, and she diluted the milk and even had to let their son wear dirty clothes.

Her sister in law was a forceful person; she had moved in and taken over as head of household. She had monopolized the kitchen, dining room, living room and one bedroom, leaving her only the one bedroom in the back of the trailer. The frustration of having to pacify her son with water and finding that the treats she had bought for him would disappear made for additional tension. She tried to discuss this with her husband but he wouldn’t listen to her, instead he resorted to accusing her of being greedy, again there was no winning, again it was all her fault, for after all she was too stupid to buy enough for everyone.

She stepped out to make her appointments with the possible childcare providers and the first stop was not a positive encounter, too many kids and no sense of control. She thanked the lady and went on to her next appointment, what a difference; the provider had 2 children under her watch including one of her own. They discussed payment and agreed that the next day would be the first day; she was pleased that things were looking up.

As she drove around before heading home she noticed a small strip mall and decided to stop in and browse around before heading back home. She had her son with her and they were looking at the items on the shelf when a clerk came up to ask if they needed help. They began a conversation and soon she felt a rapport with the clerk, she asked the clerk if she knew of any job openings. As luck would have it they were looking for someone to work part time, they talked briefly and set up a time for her to return with a completed application.  

 

Disclaimer**Given the nature of the books I have been reading lately I am inspired to write a few short stories revisiting parts of my life that included episodes of domestic violence….I will be calling this series “The Ex Files” very clever right….lol….I thought so….it will be an amalgamation of my personal experiences steeped with those of others that I was very close to. The parallels are uncanny in some instances….but the patterns of abusers and abusees are almost always the same…it’s like the same behaviors are either taught to the next generation or there are some secret classes being held somewhere in some secret location.**

 

Read Full Post »

Chocolate is love

Chocolate is love

Sometimes it’s rich, sometimes nutty, sometimes dark, sometimess light, but always meant to be savored in it’s moment….

 “I really don’t trust love,” a woman had told me earlier in the day, and in listening to her heartbreak, I understood where she was coming from. She had been hurt by significant people in the perilous venture of loving and being loved~

“I tried love one time and got burned so bad that I’ll never try it again,” a man informed me. We talked a long time about how we humans get confused about the difference between needing a person and loving a person and how hard it is sometimes to know the difference between gift-love and need-love~

Love is like chocolate...

Love is like chocolate...

Maybe love – authentic love – is kind of like dark chocolate. Maybe people don’t trust love because they’ve never experienced healthy, nourishing love.

Maybe people who don’t believe in love have only tasted love contaminated with additives of power, stinginess and manipulation, control, selfishness and pettiness. Perhaps people who can’t love were abandoned or treated cruelly by the same person who said, “I love you.”

It would be nice to be able to go into a shop and purchase love that isn’t tainted by human imperfection, but love can’t be bought and you can’t demand it from others.


The way forward may be in deciding to be the kind of person who gives love that is healthy, honest and clean, full of acceptance and flavored with delight in who the other person is instead of who you think he ought to be or who you want him to be for you.

Authentic love really is like good dark chocolate. It does cost more and you may have to develop a taste for it, but it satisfies the palate and it’s good for your heart.

It may take a lifetime to learn how to give love and receive it, but maybe learning how to love is our assignment while we’re here.

In the meantime, I can enjoy the 3 for $1.00 treats given to me by my sweetie….

Read Full Post »

I’m not fooled by you…I’m not fooled by the face you wear. You wear a thousand masks, masks that you are afraid to take off and none of them are you. Pretending is an art that’s second nature with you, but don’t be fooled. You give the impression that you are secure, that all is sunny and perky with you, within as well as without, that confidence is your name and coolness your game; that the waters are calm and you are in control, and that you need no one…don’t believe everything you see.

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: