When you hurt…you know..

Or at least I do, I know I am alive, I know I am stupid, I know I have limitations, I know I exceeded the limitations, I know I can still do stupid stuff and more importantly I just know I Cantu (can too).

I decided to do some yard work, which I wholeheartedly enjoy…unfortunately my back is not so fond of my lack of better judgement…I’ll start feeling the tightness, the messages sent to my brain, but something in me refuses to quit…I keep pushing and pushing…and here we are days later and still hurting (a lot) but also I am waiting for the pain to ease up so I can get back to it…yes, I could easily engage in getting help…but that would be depriving myself of such a simple joy…minus the fucking calluses. Those I don’t like, but I have manly rough hands, nothing sissy about my hands…nothing sissy about me at all…

And on to other things…my brain has been foggier, more so than what has become the norm….could be the drugs, could be the lack of activity (mental) I have been having a hard time getting into finishing a book I just started…granted when I am in pain I just cannot concentrate…so I pick the book up and keep reading the same 2-3 pages and putting it back down…I know, this too shall pass…like a kidney stone or stuck compacted turd.

And another thing I really do think I should get back to writing, like seriously my brain needs the self stimulation that only I can provide for it.

And that’s all I have for now.



I’ve had several working titles….mainly because I’ve had my mind working in overdrive. There is so much I keep to myself unless I spew it here or there or with a select individual or what not….but lately I just can’t….for all that I put forth there is still way more that won’t see the light of day or the shadows of night-time.

I had a great day with the kidlets….had an individual express pity for me that I had not received anything materialistic….I don’t need any of that….just hearing my boys say they love me day and night is more valuable to me than anything else. Yeah people are stupid fucktards….anywho I also had a human moment….not a fan of feeling human…..

Have chocolate….and a good book and a nice bed with cool sheets and plenty of pillows and a fan or two or three waiting to coordinate a hum of activity to help me sleep….or at least shut my eyes for a bit.


Today is a good day to do some decluttering…in my home, my life, my head….

We will start with the home….books, cosmetology supplies, jars, glasses, baskets, sheets, misc. shtuff…to be given away to those in greater need than I….and/or to a fellow recycler willing to do their part in keeping shtuff out of the landfills.

My life…still working on that one…

My head…thoughts that just clog me up…last night was a somewhat restful night….might have just been a combination of the gazillion milligrams of meds I injested…whatever it was I slept for a good solid three hours….that is quite restful for me.

I picked up another book to read….watched a bit of TV, had some wild and crazy thoughts going through my head…then after a while the little voices in my head said shut up, put your book up and get some sleep…so I listened.

Just finishing up my coffee along with a piece of banana nut bread I made the other day….next up is a bit of cleaning followed by a nice and very hot shower to ease the tension and hopefully ease up my back pain…if that fails…well there is always a steady stream of meds to make me forget to think rational and sorta kinda (but not really) ease some pain.

Happy Saturday to you….I’m off to be domestic and dirty….

Feels Like Family~

Feels Like Family

Book three of the Sweet Magnolia’s Trilogy

I have not read book one or two, but did enjoy a break from my usual blood and guts gorefest.

Feels like family introduced me to Helen, a high-powered divorce attorney who at 42 hears her biological clock ticking. She takes in a couple of kids for a short while and that solidifies her decision that she is ready to become a mother. At her age, there isn’t much time to wait around and try to do things in their natural order….like find a man, marry him and do it the way she had dreamed. So she schemes and gets her wish….but what she didn’t plan on was life getting in the way….actually love got in the way….

A quick read…a little contrived…a feeling of deja vu as I read it…but overall an okay read.

Wish You Well ~ David Baldacci

(Louisa and Oscar) Lou and Oz, brother and sister having grown up in the hustle and bustle of New York soon find themselves without a father, due to an accident that also leaves their mother in a catatonic state.

They end up in the mountains of Virginia with their great-grandmother who at 80 years old is still working the land, no electricity nor modern conveniences. The year is 1940, and soon both Lou and Oz find themselves learning to toil in the heat and the hard winters, growing their own food and learning to work a farm.

The language is beautiful, Baldacci paints the picturesque landscape with words that bring the mountains to life….his words also give the reader a very clear view of the harshness of life before all the things we now take for granted.

The plot thickens when bad guys come in to the picture and want to force the senior Louisa to sell her land, without her sale the other farmers cannot sell theirs.

This is a departure from the typical Baldacci novel, but if you are a fan of his writing I would encourage you to read it.

Sleepless in San Angelo

The rest of the world sleeps, except for me and my weirdo neighbor, I’ve heard him coming & going at odd hours…I read a little from a couple of books, turned off lights, TV and puter and tried sleeping. It didn’t happen. The boys will be up in a few minutes and the morning sounds of getting ready for school will be heard.

Thunderstorms are in the forecast, I’m hoping for rain aand sleep….why do ZZZ’s have to be so elusive?

I think I’ll get up and fix breakfast for the boys and have me some coffee.


In the minds eye…..but what about clarity in the heart? Some concepts can be so elusive. I’m just about done reading book 3….then what…sheesh I’ll have to go off in search of a new book to read….I should try to get myself to the library….but not sure when I’ll be able to make it happen…I have a Nora Roberts book I tried to read early on when I got back from the hospital and just couldn’t get into it, not sure if it had anything to do with the drugs or maybe a fear that it could have to much romance for me. I had a “friend” offer me a bag full of true crime…she hasn’t delivered….she probably won’t come through…maybe a new plea on freecycle…yeppers I think I’ll try that…besides I have plenty of books to offer  up in exchange….

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