This year has been brutal, plumbing problems and repairs, central air repairs, vehicle repairs, the bazillion and one flats (I’m at 30+) tire repairs and replacements….just can’t seem to catch a break…then someone is screwing around with my accounts….I wish I knew who I pissed off or who has decided to be a dickwad, asshole, bitch, fucktard….I just can’t fathom who would go out of their way to make me their target. And I say repairs because it has been like putting cheap ass Band-Aids that won’t stay put…I’ve debated doing a police report on my flats….yes it is vandalism and destruction of property, not to mention that someone is getting on to my property to fuck with my vehicle. For that matter this asshole could also be fucking with my AC unit as well as the plumbing, all that shit can be fucked with from outside….I’ve thought of taking matters into my own hands…but it’s also inconvenient….but the tremendous heat we have had has sucked balls this year…when it reaches 90+ degrees inside it is not fun….not when I add hot flashes to the mix….I’m at a loss…the next step is installation of cameras outside…like if I could afford this shit….***sigh…
Rough translation….the straw that broke the camels back…anywho…the adoption has been cancelled. The old fuck really fucked up. The thing about some old school old people is that they feel they are in the right simply because they are old or older. That doesn’t cut it for me. I have systematically been reducing the nonsense that has no place in my life. Getting screwed over after going above and beyond to help someone and no appreciation as to what I’ve had to give up or juggle. My plate is full….I have no problem sharing, or doing for someone else…if it is within my abilities to do so…but to take advantage of everyone that has extended a helping hand and screwing everyone over….other people I brought in to help. countless lives affected…yeah…I can put a stop to that….and I can cut you out in a heartbeat. I’m getting better at it….along with being forceful in how I take care of what needs to be taken care of.
So many annoyances….
I(idiot…no not me…but yeah, sometimes I can be) Why don’t you believe?
R(me) Why do you?
I-I was raised Catholic
R-That’s all you got?
I-yes, I was raised in the church and that’s what my parents taught me.
R-Sounds like indoctrination
I-No, it was how I was raised
R-again, Sounds like indoctrination
R-yeah, that’s what I thought….you are basically telling me that you only believe because you were told to, taught to, take your pick, me, I just formed my own thoughts and opinions, and they may be wrong, but at least I’m formulating my own thoughts and not espousing someone else’s views that are just passed on generationally.
R-no bible thumping please, I had my fill from one idiot (or two) to last me a lifetime.
I have simple criteria….that means 3 basic things have to be met before I consider a date…
1. Must have a job
2. Must have transportaion (preferably your own)
3. Must not live with mommy
I’m not looking for a boyfriend (I’m too old for that) I don’t need, like or want a needy, insecure and clingy asshat. Don’t call me, then call me back 15 minutes later and tell me you’ve missed me. Then whine that I don’t like you or ever say I miss you. Hello…you need to give me time to miss you…so go away…stay away…be gone for a week…or two…or even three….I can’t stand a needy person.
Never ending home repairs…sigh…enough said…
and insomnia….I hate insomnia…gives me too much time to think about this shit that annoys me…but I have to keep it in because if I tell the asshats and idiots how I really feel they get butt hurt…I just can’t find it in me to give a shit sometimes….I know…breathe…and type…bitch or blow….now time to go make me some coffee and get ready for work. Happy Monday to me.
Conversation with a friend…All I ever get is that special someone who pretends to love me for who I am, then gradually wants to change me over a period of several years (or the much lesser months ) until we both hate me.
Nah…I’m good! LOL
Isn’t that just so true? And then how it all flows together….
Tomorrow I will be calling Spine Austin and setting up my appointment for my 6 month check up on my fourth surgery….today also marks the one year anniversary of my 3rd surgery….it’s also the anniversary of an other unmentionable now very questionable act….I should have already scheduled this visit…but I’ve been putting it off, I’m scared of what the x rays may uncover….I have a nagging feeling that things aren’t as healed as they should be…or worse that I may need another procedure…I don’t think I would be mentally prepared for that kind of news….there is no way to prepare for that and I’m afraid that I would be sent over the edge…yes I have been teetering on the edge…the edge of reason, the edge of sanity, the edge of madness….I just need a little push and I’d be over….
I’ve been on a reading spree, pretty much laying off the TV, not spending much time online either….so that has me all disconnected…..my goal is to get back to “normal” next week….whatever that really means anymore…oh and of all the books I’ve read in the past few days…Brenda Novak’s The Perfect Couple was the one that kept me on the edge….and also struck a chord…the description of how the husband sucked the wife into a life of depravity by being a controlling asshole was spot on….I can relate to the wife, how she got to where she was…not that I think I could have ever gone to the dark places she went to in the name of love….but the disease to please, the doing anything/everything to keep her husband happy and in love with her, pretty sad…too many times I had well-meaning people tell me to go along with something that was so against my nature to keep a man with me….so not worth it…for me it just isn’t a way to live…if a person cannot accept another persons differences then it is time to move on…using manipulation, coercion, threats or violence isn’t a healthy path to a long-lasting loving healthy relationship…and as my grandma used to say…”It is better to be alone than in bad company”
so anyway….not sure where this rambling nonsense was supposed to go…so just file under randomness….
Last night…or rather very early this morning there were gunshots to be heard from my bedroom window. Four rounds with 6 to 7 shots each time. I was on Skype with my friend Tracy who began to freak out so I humored her and I got up and checked to see if the doors were locked, they were. I had my bedroom light on so I’m sure if there was a mad gunman outside he would have seen me moving around. Anywho after we got off Skype and was headed back to bed another 6 shots rang out. I almost called Tracy back but decided not to as I didn’t want to alarm her. I did my routine going to bed stuff and called it a night or tried to…I ended up reading a few chapters before finally being able to get some shut-eye.
Early this morning I logged on to my email and also looked at our online newspaper to see if there was anything on the gunshots….nope, nothing. I looked at the police call log, and there were a gazillion (two pages) calls into the local PD with reports of gun fire.
Oh well….guess it wasn’t anything big.
The boys are now doing their laundry and mowing the yards…it didn’t take long for the grass to grow….I’ll be out in a bit to check and make sure they clean up and picked up the trash and didn’t just mow over it.
Okay so I had to take a pause in writing this because my crabby neighbor stood outside my window having a conniption, seems Boy # 3 in doing part of the neighbor’s yard got grass clippings on his driveway and now he is pissed off that he is tracking grass into his car or home. So Boy # 3 needs to go and get that cleaned up. You would think the old fucker would say thank you for mowing that strip, but instead he gives me the stink eye. Asshole.
I don’t feel I have the energy to go to the grocery store, I didn’t go last weekend…I wish I had Boy # 1 here to do that, I miss him, and not just because he was my grocery shopper.
Well I’m off now, I have horrid coffee breath and need to get moving before I become to stiff to function.
I am convinced I know a lot, even if I don’t, I think I do. I spent years intensely learning, be it by living it or reading it or somehow studying it and putting a lot of time and energy and work into it. So I run into someone who makes, generally speaking, a dismissive remark, which shows that he has not put in anywhere near the time, energy and effort and study I have, and I turn into an arrogant, pompous asshole. So I’d rather not do that, I’ve learned that the zip the lip approach suits me better than the pompous asshole look, but I’ve been on the other end….LOL…duh, how else would I have learned zip the lip?