I’m in the midst of a full-blown panic attack, trying the breathing exercises I’ve learned to do, taking care of customers and faking “normal” throughout, not easy.
Palpitations, the urge to run, hit something, hit someone….but mostly the urge to run…and no not in the put my running shoes and sprint away….I’m talking of running away.
There are days that are worse than others, but on the flip side there are better days or days that are just okay.
As I stand here behind the counter I’ve had a couple of customers ask me if I’m okay….sheesh my faking needs some fine tuning….or a lot.
I still think of him and I hate that he still rents space in my life. Eviction notice was served a while back, even had a process server employed….but the fucker apparently decided to exercise his squatters rights. So not cool but I don’t want to employ any means of intermediary action, I just want him to go the fuck away, stay away and be gone for good.
I almost started a game of tic tac toe with myself.
I’m reading a couple of books here at work, one is a satirical commentary filled book with many witty life observations, and the other one touts itself as a romantic suspense novel, so far suspense yes, romance none yet. Romance woulda had me puking my guts out…so far it’s a good read. Glad I ignored the romance claim it is actually a good read so far.
Still having to stop and collect my thoughts…even the ones I don’t need to be thinking.
Do have some awkward family time coming up…but I have decided to make myself scarce and not subject myself to any of the crazy. Mejor sola que mal accompanied as my abuela used to say. Nothing like that horrid feeling of taking a spouse with you to a place where the best behavior is expected and one person is looking for that rightly timed moment where they can let their asshatness come out.
Thankfully my cast of derelicts are coming in one by one or in some cases in pairs….and we have…
The carless, toothless gum flapper wanna be hot momma in her skankiliscious booty shorts. My corneas bleed when she comes in….a little part of me dies every time she sticks her hand down under her boob flap to get her money, why use a boob flap as a wallet….anyone…Bueller….
Then there is the momma bear with 2 of her jobless, carless, moneyless titty babies.
Mr Married just walked in with scabbed tute….same scabbed up tute that napped in her car for a good 45 minutes the other day. Thankfully her pants were dry this time….nothing like watching a nice ass walk away from you with obvious pee stains between the legs….yeah I was checking her ass out….it’s what I do….people watch…asses included….
The painters….they don’t talk to each other, she goes her way, he goes his…odd “happily” married pair….they do have the paint stained garb in common.
Mr RaperVanMan who just half bathed with my hand sanitizer. The handjobber is out smoking and I’m hoping he has already taken care of pulling his chain and rang his bell before coming in. I may not pretend I didn’t see THAT again.
I feel like a carny freak show goddess….err…I mean Talent Coordinator…late entrant into the freak zone…Mr LetMeOverShare, docs just removed one ass cheek, wanna see?
Yeah I think not, puke, puke, puke…wonder if his baby tooth will finish growing out…or fall out…dude is old enough for grown up teeth.
I chased a roach this morning, battled it, went into attack mode. I won the first/last round.
I’m cold, then hot, but cold this minute….and another one…Mr. CapriMan with the pedi….I need a pedi!
Oh and then there’s dude that has to “touch” my fingers/hands ever so casually….yikes….yuk…..I hate being touched…..I’m so totally grossed out.