I’ve had several working titles….mainly because I’ve had my mind working in overdrive. There is so much I keep to myself unless I spew it here or there or with a select individual or what not….but lately I just can’t….for all that I put forth there is still way more that won’t see the light of day or the shadows of night-time.
I had a great day with the kidlets….had an individual express pity for me that I had not received anything materialistic….I don’t need any of that….just hearing my boys say they love me day and night is more valuable to me than anything else. Yeah people are stupid fucktards….anywho I also had a human moment….not a fan of feeling human…..
Have chocolate….and a good book and a nice bed with cool sheets and plenty of pillows and a fan or two or three waiting to coordinate a hum of activity to help me sleep….or at least shut my eyes for a bit.
It is a bit chilly, about 54°, I’m loving it, it would be perfect for cuddling….well it’ll still be cuddle worthy, for me, I don’t know if my pillow gives two shits about it….what a day….I was offed earlier today, I got over that fairly quick, considering the writing was on the wall long before I took my leave.
I’ve been reading,blogs, news, jokes, emails, books, magazines, self help, no help, helpful, help less, reference books, music, history, science, religion, arts….a bit of this and a bit of that. Unbelieveably with an open mind. Those that know me well know that there are some subjects I struggle with….lately the struggle has lessened and there has been a peace within as I read.
Shocking, I know…but I’ve come to learn and accept that even my hard head and hard heart can open up….who knew I could be human and show it….okay enough of that, I don’t need to provide any more ammunition than that.
I have a sweet and dear friend I met a while back that has become a good friend to me. She has been on my mind and I was on her mind, she beat me to the phone, everybody beats me to the phone, I totally suck ass when it comes to calling anyone…it’s a wonder others still bother to call on me…anyhoo, we caught up about this,that and the other. The economy being what it is she still has not been able to get a fulltime job, she supports herself by taking any and all odd jobs here and there. She cleans houses…so I ask her what her rates are, I figure I could get her to come and clean my house, but she refuses to take money from me. So I refuse to allow her to come and clean my house. I give her a lot of things, books, clothes, and other items, she is a sweetheart, I know she pays it forward and what she cannot use she passes on to others. But she has done a lot for me as well, she helped me to locate a wheelchair, she made herself available when I had nobody else. The least I can do is help her out….but we have shared many laughs over how much alike we are. We are both stubborn, we both find it easier to help others and we both have a hard time accepting well intentioned help. A while back she stopped in for a short visit, the short visit lasted 5 hours….
My child just came in here, all sweetness and laughs, then in typical teenage fashion has to go for shock value, there are some things your kids can say that you can never unhear, some things you can picture and never unsee. I love my boys, they crack me up…even when they are being gross little boys…