There will always be a LIE in believe an OVER in lover an END in Friends an US in trust an IF in life

There will always be a LIE in believe an OVER in lover an END in Friends an US in trust an IF in life…

Isn’t that just so true? And then how it all flows together….

Tomorrow I will be calling Spine Austin and setting up my appointment for my 6 month check up on my fourth surgery….today also marks the one year anniversary of my 3rd surgery….it’s also the anniversary of an other unmentionable now very questionable act….I should have already scheduled this visit…but I’ve been putting it off, I’m scared of what the x rays may uncover….I have a nagging feeling that things aren’t as healed as they should be…or worse that I may need another procedure…I don’t think I would be mentally prepared for that kind of news….there is no way to prepare for that and I’m afraid that I would be sent over the edge…yes I have been teetering on the edge…the edge of reason, the edge of sanity, the edge of madness….I just need a little push and I’d be over….

I’ve been on a reading spree, pretty much laying off the TV, not spending much time online either….so that has me all disconnected…..my goal is to get back to “normal” next week….whatever that really means anymore…oh and of all the books I’ve read in the past few days…Brenda Novak’s The Perfect Couple was the one that kept me on the edge….and also struck a chord…the description of how the husband sucked the wife into a life of depravity by being a controlling asshole was spot on….I can relate to the wife, how she got to where she was…not that I think I could have ever gone to the dark places she went to in the name of love….but the disease to please, the doing anything/everything to keep her husband happy and in love with her, pretty sad…too many times I had well-meaning people tell me to go along with something that was so against my nature to keep a man with me….so not worth it…for me it just isn’t a way to live…if a person cannot accept another persons differences then it is time to move on…using manipulation, coercion, threats or violence isn’t a healthy path to a long-lasting loving healthy relationship…and as my grandma used to say…”It is better to be alone than in bad company”

so anyway….not sure where this rambling nonsense was supposed to go…so just file under randomness….

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