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Posts Tagged ‘affection’

Regalo o cosa que se da voluntariamente en señal de afecto.
Translation: A gift or thing that is voluntarily given as a sign of affection.

Countless….heat for my water, a stick on my fence, an ear for my words, a lock (or two or ten) for my door, a mower for my grass, a blower for the weeds, a brush for the paint on my walls, sealant for a leak, a charge for my battery, a battery ….the list just goes on and on….

But it isn’t about all the little things….it’s about all the little things put together.

Sometimes gifts arrive in unsuspecting packages. I’m not into gifts of the material kind, more importantly for me is the gift of self: trust, companionship, friendship, shared laughter….but a helping hand goes a long way.

A storied past, a colorful life….we all have our stories…stories muddied in violence, deceptions, love, hate…all forming little pieces of a puzzle that when put together create a big picture, a life story. I enjoy the intricacies of extracting the little nuggets of life that form each little piece….a short or long session where the truth of a soul comes out. Revelations made in turn, speaking over each other and filling in the blanks….rediscovering old forgotten memories, revisiting old memories and more importantly creating new memories.

I promised someone I would have a piece written for them born out of inspiration, in my head the story is still being written, still being pieced together….but a preface…well that I can start off with.

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If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable…you disconnect yourself from what you truly want…and all that is left is a compromise…in my life I’ve had too many moments of compromise…unbelievable to some as it may be, but true nonetheless.

Now I have a series of words….each of these words in my mind had a story to go with it.  Short stories for some, longer for others, as I was doing something with my hair I had to pause, normally I let these thoughts disappear fruitlessly into thin air. But I paused long enough to jot down some of my thoughts, in the moment to me these thoughts were pure brilliance. I do have the capacity from time to time to surprise myself with deep thoughts. Sometimes I share these thoughts, sometimes I don’t. In this instant what I am sharing is a salvaged glimpse of what I thought was pure genius. I don’t expect anyone else to see thoroughly through into each carefully selected word, but I assure you, I had a breakthrough.

Today is the beginning of a new path for me. It will be a slow process for me to manuever around some of my own barriers, but I have nothing but time…as I am fond of saying, “Life is the longest damn thing we can get ourselves into”, sure from time to time I may have uttered the familiar “Life’s too short”. But there is truth to both statements, it just depends on perspective. Feel free to think about that one.

So here goes….WORDS~

A game, a tired, tired game, a game of actions and reactions, a game played too damn long.

Reflection sans affection ~ one’s a longer story than the other….

Starvation and salvation ~ again one’s a longer story than the other….

I carefully mulled each and every word, I savored the sound of each word, each thought, each moment. At the end of my reflection I was quite pleased with myself, my hair did well through all this deep thinking.

It’s all well and good, and so am I.

 

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Imma gonna lay off the garlic today...

Imma gonna lay off the garlic today...

Happy Friday and I hope this early morning shot at my ASSets doesn’t make you throw up in your mouth too much, but if it is too late for that…SORRY….

I’ve been up since like forever, da pain, da fucking pain is keeping me awake. I just popped another pill, note to self, call pharmacy for a refill. I am tired and a bit unhinged, I woke up, well no I didn’t, I was awake, I got up and out of bed, and was looking in the mirror and scared myself. I need a haircut…yeah I know I just cut it a couple of times…I didn’t cut enough…one of my boys just came in to hug me good bye as he left for school, and no it wasn’t Andrew, it was Derrick…he thinks he is getting too old to show affection, so it is always nice when he comes up to hug me.

On da agenda today if I have the energy to muster it will be to dust everything I can reach….which will look funny when you can see how dusty everything else will look.

Oh the chili I made yesterday was all gone….yay. I made a big enough pot of it so it was good to see it all gone. Today on the menu?? Pizza…I guess…I don’t know, sounds good, besides I have cooked all week.

Well I think enough morning ramblings, my bed should be plenty heated by my heating pad, maybe that will help my back.

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