This whole past week has been one painful long stretched out ordeal….my pain levels have been off the charts. I’ve been reserving my energy for class and nothing else. That means no cleaning or having my precious little girl with me. I don’t know how much more of this I can tolerate….it’s definitely not for sissies. My range of motion is severely restricted…anything and everything hurts….and I hate complaining about It….or depending on any one for help….to top it off the ac is out again…has been all week, have a clogged sink, overgrown yard….and a whole litany of things to add to the To do list…..can life get any suckier than this…..of course it can….stay tuned, same bat channel, same bat station….
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That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt…
I have probably over medicated..yet there is no relief from the pain…it has made it a challenge to concentrate and fully grasp the educational portion of my day.
Right now I am unable to get some sleep…mind is racing…the negative side effects are doing a number on me…
I just want a pain free day…I know that is asking for too much….I’ve tried being productive…have gotten a few tasks out of the way. I had wanted to do some reading but doubt it would be relaxing…
It doesn’t take away that I love rain….but the kind of pouring I’m getting is gonna drown me. Just can’t catch a break….A/C troubles, water heater replaced, sewer line problems, truck problems (ongoing)…the list just goes on and on.
What to do? Nothing, just keep plugging away.
Temporary fix on the leaking sewer line. Basically a band-aid fix. Need a breather before I address the bigger issue. Baby steps.
This Sunday will also mark my last day at my current place of employment. Not ready to divulge where I’m going next. Just ready for a change and I’m hoping for the best. I am too old for the changes…but change with the times or the times will change without you…or me….
I sat, not in conversation, because I didn’t do much conversing….but the exchange served to remind me of how annoying I can sound when I go on and on about how fat I am. I know I’m not fat….I am disgustingly out of shape, I’m not loving the curves and edges and all my perfect imperfections….that’s what John (Legend) can do….I have menopausal shifts and growths (fat belly, big hips and bigger thighs…chub rub anyone? visit old chub rub post here> https://rubycantu.wordpress.com/2009/07/29/chub-rub-mourning-the-loss-of-my-happy-gap/ Goal: to shut up more….it’s more of a habit…my mantra…but after being on the receiving end…I saw the error of my ways….please forgive me gentle readers if I have annoyed you….I’m gonna work on that one.
Why I gave up the bottle (of hair color….) hair color is a commitment…you need time and money….I originally gave it up because I gave up part of my vanity. And having long hair and no disposable income I didn’t see the wisdom of continuing with the expensive maintenance required to keep it looking good. All I’m gonna say at some point you might consider going with a more natural color. Jet black is not a natural color on people of a certain age….if all the new growth is white, from a distance it’ll just look like a bald spot to the person sitting or standing behind….
Reaching out is a must in some instances….being rebuffed will go with it too…just keep trying…if it’s important enough to you….
Ok so Anna is up and running with her new blog. She created this blog for mature women talking about everything from health to kids. All are welcome to come visit and check it out. She welcomes your comments and ideas to help make this a place you can go and get/give/or find information.
I saw the online tribute put out in the local paper. I was struck with one word. Homemaker.
My sweet aunt was memorialized with that one word. I’d like to add to that…
She was a daughter, sister, aunt, wife, mother and friend. She was also a humble, caring, generous, giving and funny person. My first-born was close in age to her first two, but my son and her three kids were close when they were much younger. We were in each others lives almost on a daily basis when I lived in Garden City. We took turns taking care of each others kids, admittedly she took care of mine more than I did hers. At that time she was a stay at home mom and offered to help me out. Later she would return to work as a substitute teacher. I admired her ability to fearlessly go into the school system as a sub…we all know subs get no respect.
She was also my cohort in shopping, eating, walks in the park, visits to the zoo…she was always game for anything.
Later…the miracle years…I don’t believe in miracles…but anywho…I’m sure my use of the word together with a retelling of her struggles would make her smile.
Over 20 years ago, Angel faced a serious health crisis, she was small, had a history of heart related issues and had fallen ill, Dr.s couldn’t quite come up with a diagnosis or treatment. She scoured medical books, looking for her symptoms, running to the doctor, or the emergency room with symptoms and possible diagnosis’…all to just be sent home where she would continue to lose weight she didn’t need to be losing. Eventually she would be hospitalized and diagnosed. I was at that point working fulltime, yet she would call me from the hospital and ask me to come see her….she would be freaking out. She had premonitions and dreams where she knew she would not live to see 40. During her stay as she lay in bed she would drive me nuts with her continuous litany of death visions. I get it, she was scared and wasn’t ready to die. But damn…she could annoy the hell out of me…so I just told her to “shut up already…if you wake up dead you won’t even know it”. Yeah…insensitive…I had my foot in my mouth thigh high and immediately felt like shit for going off on her and saying that…I turned to her and she was smiling. She was like, “that is comforting to me”….I guess she needed to hear that. She didn’t whine so much about dying after that. She went on to have open heart surgery and get herself back on the road to recovery and living her life taking care of her kids, husband, home, nieces and nephews.
She was also an ardent collector of Angels, dolls, figurines, magnets, and charms. She did some traveling with her sister Addy, visited Ireland, Hawaii, traveled throughout the states.
Angel also had the ability to just strike conversations with random people, she never met a stranger….which at times could be scary. I could go on, but tears fill my eyes and make me miss her all the more. I regret not picking up the phone more and reaching out to her. Last few times we spoke we barely got a few words in, she always had her hands full with her precious grandbabies.
Sad how I got the news, an FB message, then confirmation when another family member posted about the loss….we were so close at one point…actually during several different times throughout our lives. This “Angel” was there for me when I had boy # 2, she went ridiculously overboard in setting up a spot for him. I didn’t even have all that she had in her “nursery” for my own kid. But she was happy to do it and I was comforted with the knowledge that my #2 would be well taken care of. We watched each others kids…this was my auntie, but our kids were close in age even if we weren’t. She was my partner in crime when I was a big fat 9 months pregnant after a 75 pound weight gain and needing to “nest”….she wasn’t the sensible type to dissuade me from my craziness….I needed to move all my furniture….which I singlehandedly did at 9 months pregnant…I needed to go shopping for a crib…and other crap…she just went along with me…then we would go eat…we were always going out to eat…I’d let her order first…she always ordered more than she was going to eat…I’d help her make “her” choices of stuff I wanted to eat…all the while knowing she’d have one bite and be done..then it would all be mine….so many stories…so many tears.