My time is up….

My time in this place I have called home for the last 17+ years is coming up….I feel like I’m done here, I have a strong desire to just be gone…I have until the end of next year. I want my youngest to not have the trauma of being uprooted his last year. But I have found it difficult to shop for a home in another city via the internet…just doing it here locally sucks…photos can be manipulated to give the impression that it is a good neighborhood, street views, interior and exterior shots….sigh….so I have made a decision that has sucked the life out of me and sent me into a depressive state. I’ve decided to stay. I have things to consider like logistics and expenses….due to my physical limitations I can’t have certain things…stairs, big yards…which I don’t need. I just need a small space. I am already slowly packing stuff up…taking pictures off the wall. Packing up dishes and thinking of just giving everything away….I hate moving, I hate asking people to help…even if those people are my own kids. I hate not having the physical strength to do it on my own. I don’t need a lot of the things I have accumulated over the years….my biggest collections that mean anything are my books and clothes….and of course all the photos of the kids and a few keepsakes….but that is still a lot of crap. I’ve been dismantling my library….giving books away as soon as I am done….I’ll be using towels to keep breakables from breaking….my son is bringing me boxes so I can start….small boxes that I can manage…by the end I’ll probably have 20,000+ boxes….but they’ll be manageable….but I’ll be trying to sell 2 dining tables, sofa, loveseat, bookcases….and I’m sure a ton of other crap. This next chapter of my life will be just me….there have been some relationships with family that will never be recovered and while sad I also realize that I’m better off without the negativity…I have my own negativity to deal with…don’t need anyone else’s…wah…I’m off to have me a pity party….

4 thoughts on “My time is up….

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  1. Hi there, Ruby…I’m scared with this last post from u, are you leaving neighborhood? because of a problem?…i always knew you as a very strong girl…looks like I have lost a lot of story about you…and I’m sure it is….hope you have in mind my name Eduardo from Mexico (just put i do not know why Ruby Cantu googling today to see what was the path and brought me to this blog)…my friend want to know more what u have been doing? kissess and huges from Mexico…

  2. Indeed…your blog looks like a little dark with the bloody flowers and later the description of your move…Im ok now that you say all it´s fine or at least under control…I finished my english and applied TOEIC exam finally…but as u can see it is formal…Me da un gusto (un chingo de gusto, ja ja) saber de Ti…yo he cambiado un poco me corte el cabello a rape pero me siento bien 🙂 …la verdad deje de escribirte cuando te casaste porque eras muy feliz y para no entorpecer tu nueva vida de casada… on the other hand i love u have this blog…

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