Summer 2011~~

This has been one hellacious summer as far as heat is concerned. Pretty bad when it is 92° inside my house. My last electric bill was more than double the previous one and that is due to giving in and turning the AC on. I simply cannot afford to run it. I’ve set aside some funds to give my kids a “vacation” so that takes from my other funds like the utilities and groceries. Looks like the boys may be away for about a month, they will be spending time with my oldest son and younger brother’s family. I will be home alone. Sounds good but at the same time it will be different for me, it’ll be too quiet here. But they need to get away and enjoy their summer break and not be so isolated with me. I’m sure they will enjoy it they are already excited even though we don’t have everything confirmed and okayed.

Earlier the boys were both in my room with me cracking me up, again they are telling me I should go and get married…not sure where that comes from. They know I totally suck at it and I know they wish they had a “dad” or “normal” family. It’s like a kick in the gut…they can crack jokes about it but I see and hear what they aren’t saying.

I’m doped up and a new or perhaps not so new side effect…itching…I am itching like crazy….feeling woozy and incoherent. I was on the phone with my oldest and he (and I) had a hard time following what I was saying. My train of thought was completely derailed it was like trying to talk to him about at least 3 different things at once but not making sense with any of it. With this (writing) I have the luxury of rereading and rewriting what doesn’t make sense. I don’t even know if I am making sense….

The boys need to get their laundry done and we will need to get the water bottles refilled. I won’t be able to do it myself when they are gone. I suppose I could always ask my creepy next door neighbor or my tenant to help me….Scratch that…I can switch to gallon sized containers instead of the 5 gallon bottles…I can’t see me asking anyone to help me. Just today I thought of calling a former “friend” if she might have any idea as to who might be hiring…couldn’t bring myself to do it. Damn pride….doesn’t get me too far. 🙂

 

Unsleep~

I find myself unasleep again, can’t find a comfortable position, so I shift from side to side or lay flat on my back, a few minutes for each position. One hand holding the mini and one hand hitting the keys. I contemplated the assistance of the pharmaceuticals, I’ve a great combination that puts me out. Of course there are pesky side effects, like a desire to sleep my life away, or the contemplation to take it away…or worse, a wickedly dry mouth. Nothing like waking up to a ringing phone and trying to scrape your tongue across the inside of a dry and barren landscape of teeth…only to mumble into the mouthpiece, perhaps sounding like a complete moron. My answer to that is to turn off the phones…oh and drink more water…which of course carries its own side effects…I’ve been drinking so much water my belly wants to blow. Of course my water has to be ice cold and the freezer doesn’t seem to want to keep up with me and my needs. Why must life be such a fucking whore?

On to happy thoughts….another day over with.  😉

Disconnected Interactions~

I’m experiencing a formerly unfathomable consideration to suppress heretofore verbal as well as phalangical outgoing expressions. The self fulfilling anathema extracts the elation of existence that is the standard for the hoi polloi. Astray is the marvel that saluted the emergence of a diurnal, entre nous I’ve qualms as to its homecoming. A singularly liable entity has managed to manifest the odious darkness that dwelled within.

Disconnected~

Shine on~~~~

Life gives you the run around,
you say,
you wanna know, how much dues must you pay,
well, you can’t have what you want too.
well, theres a will, there’s always a way,
keepin your eyes on that mountain top,
one step at a time.
dont ever, ever stop.

keep on when your mind says quit,
dream on til you find your living it,
i’ll be right by your side.
ya baby keep on,
dont stop til you win your prize
lean on all the love that’s in my eyes
your a diamond to me,
yes you are,
shine on..
mmhmm.
shine on.
mmhmm.

well i know what you’ve been through,
i see,
it’s time to leave it behind and let it be.
yaaaa.
heart and wisdom’s something you can’t buy.
it’s the wings of experience that make you fly high,
dont look down and dont look back
dont turn around your on the right track

keep on when your mind says quit,
dream on til you find your living it,
i’ll be right by your side.
ya babay keep on,
dont stop til you win your prize
lean on all the love thats in my eyes
your a diamond to me,
yes you are,
shine on..
mmhmm
shine on..
shine on..

dont stop now,
shine on.

keep on when your mind says quit,
dream on til you fine your living it
i’ll be right by your side.
ya babay
dont stop til you win your prize
lean on all the love that’s in my eyes
your a diamond to me,
yes you are.
shine on..
shine on..
baby you got to shine on.
that’s what you wanna do.
me and you.

you got to shine on.
sparkle baby.
shine on ,
shine on ,
shine on ,
baby you got to shine on.

A Day of Decadence~

In a way that is not parsimonious, thus not me, the first order of the day would begin with a steamy hot shower. I would then throw on the most comfortable threads I possess….well maybe not those as I’m sure those have either stains, holes, missing something – like elastic or buttons. I would not bother drying my hair simply put it in a twist and secure it with a stick or two. No makeup, no contacts, no shoes, no socks…but yes to the flip-flops.

Shhhhhhhh.........Don't wake me~

 A quick stop for some eye-opening head clearing strong java and I’d be on my way to the spa. I can vividly picture the tranquility and smell the calming lavender and hear the soothing background music. The walk to the private retreat is a short one, candles are already lit and the lights are dimmed. This special day of indulgence includes the works, a facial, manicure, pedicure, shampoo followed with a scalp massage and deep conditioning treatment and a stylish new do followed by makeup application and a stop at the boutique.

Snap!

This is closer to my drug free reality...damn I think I'm going to go back to the drugs...

 

Sorry that was a side effect of the medication. Back to reality where I shampoo and condition my own hair and do my own nails….which involves a quick trim with my trusty 99¢ nail clippers….and wash my own face and skip any of the other stuff….where’s my book…….and my drugs and my pillow

It’s not what you think~it never is….

Daily Drudge, both different and I skim or sink in either or both but not at the same time.

Breathing…an unfortunate function to sustain responsibilities…counting down to the end…well no, I fail to enumerate  without additional appendages, my phalanges can only get me ten.

I’ve never been one for histrionics as the tinning effect would only serve to maddeningly desire a decrease in audiological deamplification.

To plot (or not) a retreat…hmmm…pros and cons. To be or not to be…I am. Following two and preceding four….oops no four…Yes, that one fancies a leave, not to be blamed, so do I. But that natter is a matter for another spell.

The last leave was spoilt with a fiendish succubus but not in the materfamilias fashion, quite the opposite of that. In that instant a darkness encroached upon the will of  eye…err…I. A petition to eradicate the bindings were tempered with an internal collapse of humanity. Simply put, that task would be inchoate.

Tis to be continued…..

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