It’s where I am now~

I’m in a strange place, which for me is not really strange. I am always in a strange place…or almost always. I still prefer this brick wall building that I am undertaking. It isn’t necessarily to keep anyone out, more like to see who really cares to get over the wall. Not that I have much to offer anyone that braves it to this side.

I got into a reading binge that seems to have tapered some, mainly due to not finding a genre or author that draws me in. The last book I read was good…the one I am reading right now is by the same last author, yet they both are slow reads. I much prefer to be drawn in by a good 300-400 page book I can read in a day…(or half a day)….I’m judging books by their cover….and that isn’t always a good thing…note to self…”Do not judge a book by its cover…instead judge a book by the inside flap”.

I’ve been making a concerted effort to shut myself off from my reality…I don’t like thinking of the financials, the medical, the monotonous day-to-day crap that just bogs my existence. Though I do find losing myself in a good book is a wonderful escape from the tediousness that is my reality. I find myself not really wanting to talk to anyone, the effort I have to put forth is not coming across as sincere. Sure I’ve reached out and returned a few phone calls or made other calls, but for the most part…I just don’t feel like it. 

I also know I am not alone in this disconnected feeling, a few of my friends are in the same place, the beauty of our friendship is that we can still pick up the phone and pick up a conversation as if time and distance really are of no consequence….and time and distance will pass between us again and again but our bonds will remain. That I love.

Anywho I am about to go and attempt to get myself lost in a tale of murder and mayhem….or who knows I may step out for a drink…

Whatever this is, I hope it passes, for soon I may have no choice but to integrate myself into society and I dread it….not just the having to get up and get dressed and making myself look human, but the faked smiles and the greetings….ughh….a deserted island sounds good about now….

4 thoughts on “It’s where I am now~

Add yours

  1. It’s not disconnected…just that the bonds are stretched. I know you’re there, and you know I’m here. Like you say, time and distance are of no consequence. ❤

  2. Ruby honey, I know exactly how you feel as I have spent much time there myself. This reminds me of one of my favorite sayings….
    “A real friend is someone who you can sit on a porch swing with all afternoon, never say a word, and walk away feeling as if it were the best conversation you have ever had.”
    I love you girl and when you are ready, I will still be here….

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