Much of the year admittedly has been a blur due to the amount of pain meds I’ve had to ingest…there have been many days where I sit and wonder…did I have that conversation, did I dream it….I finally gave up on trying to keep up with reality and instead adopted my new favorite line…”If I don’t remember, it didn’t happen.” I am not using it to get out of uncomfortable situations, at least not deliberately, there have been huge blocks of time that are just a blur….funny (No, not really funny) how chronic, severe, unrelenting pain can also have an impact on memory. I’ve had way too many days of being in a fog, and I can honestly say I don’t fucking like it. Excuse the strong language but damnit…I don’t have to like it.
This year also has opened my eyes to true friendships….I’ve become reacquainted with an amazing person…we’ve had an up and down, love/hate (not really hate) relationship, but through it all we have managed to find our way back to now. Not sure what the future will bring but there it is. I’ve discovered that the flesh and blood “friends” have not been there, but I can’t completely fault them….I haven’t made much effort on my part either. I honestly didn’t have the energy or the health for the effort…the times I put the effort out, somehow our meetups got continually cancelled….yet I’d see pictures posted here and there showing me what a great time they had elsewhere and with others….can’t say I blame them….having to slow down for a crippled old hag does not make for much fun.
The internet did open my eyes to “truer friends”, they have been loving, supportive, giving and most importantly, they have been THERE. We have formed some real life bonds of friendship and I do cherish each and every one of those friends. (Y’all know who you are.)
I’ve spent more time with my boys, we have done a lot of cooking and baking together. We have watched movies and TV shows and had some real good days just being with each other.
I’ve traveled out-of-town and out-of-state a few times….and while the get aways were great, not getting around like I wish I could sometimes just sucked the joy of those brief getaways, but I sure can paste a real “fake” smile on pics….gotta look like I am having some kind of fun.
A new year is right around the corner…I’m going to go into it hopeful….so in closing I’d like to make a toast….
Here’s a toast to the future, A toast to the past, And a toast to our friends, far and near. May the future be pleasant; The past a bright dream; May our friends remain faithful and dear. ~ Anonymous