Dark Daze~

My first taste of the sweetness that came with the thought of ending her life was also the first time I experienced a great sense of calm.

The first image came in a quick flash, but the rest of my day was filled with bloody images. A knife plunged into her chest.

I would have stood a tantalizing few minutes in front of her to allow her time to goad me. She wouldn’t make me wait long. It would have been one to two minutes max before she’d have screeched out her favorite “You stupid bitch!”. I would have  smiled and then I’d have brought the knife out, I’d have aimed for that place where most human bodies house a heart.  In my mind I could see me thrusting that long serrated edged knife deep, twisting it, all the while looking at her and finally telling her “I love you mommy” of course I’d be smiling and then I’d ask her “Is that what you mean by sarcasm?”.

Finality~

There’s a finality in death where all the unanswered questions simply die. For the person holding the lot of questions, the death simply ends it all.

Sure all the answers one could hope for will never come along to give any peace.

When the one person in my life that truly mattered died, along with the lowering of the over-priced satin lined casket into freshly dug earth went all those answers to questions yet unasked.

I know that when my time comes there will be many unanswered questions and that’s the way I want it to be. If I don’t give you the answers now, it is because there are no answers that matter. Meaning the outcome has already happened and nothing I may have to add will change anything. Besides I kinda like having that air of mystery.

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