Thrown off schedule~

Yesterday I had a few things I had wanted to get done…that in itself is not a big deal if I plan it right. I don’t yet have the energy or stamina to run around all day long. Well somehow I ended up (throughout the day) wasting over 6 hours on the phone. That is a whole lot of talking and not enough doing. Of course I have no one to blame as I was the one that either picked up the phone to take the call or pick up the phone to make the call. I am not much of a phone person, I hate calling people. (Skyping is not included in this diatribe.)

So on my list of to do’s was my car….but I didn’t get to it, it’ll have to wait until Monday. I think I may be due for an oil change (I’ll send boy # 2 out to check) and I also need it trip checked. I also need to get my truck in for a trip check. I like keeping both vehicles at the ready so it is vital that I keep up with those pesky little issues. *sigh*

Last night (or rather this morning) I was done with the phone and felt my meds had kicked in and I was ready for bed, but I had to pee (sorry if that is TMI) I got up to take care of my business and came back to bed. Well all that did was serve to remind my body that it was not really ready for sleep. *sigh, again* So I picked up my book and read a couple hundred pages and finally dozed off, only to be woken up by my beautiful boys right as I was getting to that peaceful place *sigh*

It’ll happen soon enough, I’ll get sleep. maybe I’ll get a nap in today. But I am now off to shower and settle in to watch TV. Happy Saturday to one and all.

Voices~

I think this may be the solution~

The voices are mine. All they do is ask questions, one right after the other, I am driving me nuts. I had a two-hour reprieve after taking my one and only dose of Trazodone. After reading the literature and researching it online I am afraid of taking anymore. But for those two hours all was quiet in my head. I don’t know if it was due to the Trazodone, but that part I liked. But the one little pill did not make me sleep for a full night. That is all I ask for, one full night, I don’t ask for much. Maybe I do. 

I finished reading And the Rain Came Down did a book review on it and was going to take a break from reading to concentrate on my writing, but I could not resist the urge to get another book started so I began reading Dead Silence by Brenda Novak. I wasn’t going to get any sleep and the creative juices weren’t flowing, I wasn’t compelled to even force it. 

Physical therapy at this point I don’t know if it is helping any or not. After each session my lower back feels like it is on fire and I am completely worn out to the point that I am pretty much rendered useless for the rest of the day. That just doesn’t seem right to me. I didn’t sleep much and don’t feel it would be safe for my sleep deprived ass to be out there driving to the rehab place, so I cancelled. 

Today I need to go renew my tags, then I need to get my oil changed in my car and get it trip checked just to make sure all is good on it. It is also time to get it started…for these little tasks I wish I had a “husband”….lol. I hate taking care of this crap….well I take it back, life is less complicated without a husband…so better yet I wish Boy # 2 was old enough to drive and take care of those little details. If Boy # 1 was here he would be doing that for me. I miss my baby. 

Well I am off to shower, cut my hair and get this day started and over with. 

And the Rain Came Down

Title: And the Rain Came Down                                  Author: S.A. Bailey

Publisher: Truesource Publishing                             Place:  Dallas, Texas

Publication date: Mar 9, 2010                                    Pages: 323

Price: $15.99 US                                                               ISBN: 978-1-932996-31-9 

 

Seth Anderson Bailey is a self-described goddamn vulgar, degenerate, functional alcoholic writer, gun-nut, and veteran of Iraq. Libertarian in all things except killing and torturing terrorists, people who support gun-control, and people who abuse dogs.

I can say he is brilliant in his description of rednecks, meth heads and the low-lifes that live in small Texas towns, I truly felt he was writing about people I have met in my own small West Texas town.

First time novelist S.A. Bailey’s And the Rain Came Down is a hard to put down book. And the Rain Came Down written in the first person gives us Jebediah Shaw with all his very human flaws teetering off the surface. Back from fighting in Iraq, ready to start life with his beloved Abigail, fighting demons and looking for a way to prove his worth as a husband and as a man. Jeb Shaw takes on a job that will ultimately challenge his “moral” code and provide him with enough money to give him and Abbey a new lease on life.

Bailey’s mastery of words paint a vivid picture of the scenery, the people and the places and had me hooked from the first page. I clearly saw the faces, the characters nuances and could hear the voices of the many different people who dot the landscape of Jeb Shaw’s world. Nearing the end I just couldn’t read fast enough to get to the conclusion of this very enthralling story.

If you like your books with a bit (or a lot) of blood, plot twists and turns then this is the book for you.

And the Rain Came Down

Trazodone

I called my doctor’s office yesterday morning and asked them to call me in a prescription for something to help me sleep. A few hours later I called the pharmacy to check and see if my scrip was ready…and it was along (thankfully) with my pain meds. (I was beginning to freak out…freaking out makes me worry that maybe I’m addicted…but I don’t feel like an addict….yet.)

I took my first “sleeping” pill last night, along with a pain pill and my HRT that I keep taking later and later every day….I am taking it now since it is on my mind. There’s nothing like lining up 3 different plls to take at once to make me feel like a damn druggy….I am mindful that others take a lot more…but I am talking about how I feel…so if you have to take ten or more don’t listen t me whine.

Okay…well did it work? I went to bed, pulled the covers over myself, adjusted my third fan, put a pillow over my face and fell asleep. For just 2 hours. I already do that…so I can’t say whether it worked. I mean I can fall asleep for 2 hours, sometimes most times less than 2, usually 15 to 30 minutes. I did experience a sense of calm, and that helped…I liked that part of it.

I did take a nap today and feel okay…except I’m on the phone with Tracy and she is scaring me.Shit.

Someone has to throw the towel in~

In this corner we have Ruby Cantu and on this corner we have Insomnia da Bitch…I think I am loosing the battle but I am not giving in. I need sleep, why can’t I just go to bed like normal people do and close my eyes, fall asleep and dream about…well whatever, I would even welcome a nightmare…anything as long as sleep was involved.

I’ve been trying to finish reading a book up for review, normally I can read a book a day, sometimes even two, with this one I have at least another week before I can get through it…that drives me nuts…I just can’t read at a faster pace, too many grammatical distractions.

I made some tortilla soup yesterday…it was good….went very well with watermelon.

The weekend was pretty much a laid back one, watched some TV and watched it crawl back to Monday in  slow motion. In a couple of hours I’ll be headed out for day 4 of PT….maybe that’ll help me sleep.

Day 3 & stuff~

Today was day 3 of PT…and I survived the one hour of exercises. Surviving may be an overstatement…I’m left feeling blah about anything else. I’ve managed a short nap, but still waiting for my crash and burn.

And in other news….

start of a dream~

Finally, my manuscript is in the works! I have 14 pages and 6,808 words….clearly I have a long way to go. But it is a start of a project that I have been talking about pursuing for quite a while. I have had the continual support and encouragement from many a friend. For that I am grateful. I am starting from scratch not knowing the process of putting together a print ready or print worthy manuscript, I would like to forgo the need for an editor but will go that route if need be. I trust that I have enough honest friends that will be honest when I ask for their imput.

I will make an attempt to dive in head first and write every day. That is the key, to carve out time solely for the purpose of seeing a project come to fruition.

Medicate, intoxicate, obliterate

Medicate, intoxicate, obliterate…that’s where I am today, tired of being tired, tired of not being able to sleep, tired of the pain, tired of life, my life, my life right now. I miss my old life. I miss my freedoms.

Tomorrow will be day three of my PT, part of me wants to cancel, but I already had to cancel Monday. I know I need it, but I have issues with the cost of each visit. I also have been in more pain when I’m done. I don’t like that part of it.

I need a pedicure…can’t reach my toes to do it. See it’s the little things that get to me. A pedicure should feel like a treat, not something else I have to add to my budget.

I guess I really am on a roll of negativity so I’m gonna quit while I am ahead. I have some research to do….some stupid questions to ask and a refill to go and get.

BTW…(click →) here’s the other blog where I shamelessly make my plea for donations to my fix-me-up fund. Check it out if you are feeling generous, pass it along to someone who wants to adopt an old brokendownbeatenupbylifeoldhag.

Day 2 ~

and the winner is "the new guy"

I arrived with about 5 minutes to spare, made it up the steps, into the women’s dressing room, took off my brace, put it and my bag in a locker and  stepped out to the pool area. Everyone else scheduled for that time was already there…I made my way into the pool, first thought, the water is not as warm as it was last week…said hello to the two grandma’s and the PT guy, keep forgetting his name, starts with a J, so I’ll just call him J. The new guy was lowered into the water…I heard the lift screech and thought how horrible it would be if it broke, or worse if I had to use it. A few minutes later J had us all working on different exercises….everything I do hurts, I feel the burn, the struggle of my body to not want to do this, I fight back tears and I repeat “No pain, no gain” over and over, it becomes my mantra….””No pain, no gain”. I begin to look around for distractions, grandma # 1’s daughter shows up with a service dog, I didn’t realize Chihuahua’s made for good service dogs…but whatever, that little dog was yapping up a storm….next thing that catches my attention, comes out of the periphery of my left eye, it’s the new guy…I am unable to suppress a laugh…I’m so busted by J….he wants to know what I’m laughing at…I say nothing, wouldn’t be nice…but I can share with you….new guy was wearing a white T-shirt, at first glance my eyes are transfixed to the boobs, it’s like for a moment I can picture myself on the sidelines of a wet t-shirt contest, hands down he’d have been my pick for perkiest boobs in this pool.

I’ve yet to go online to check and see what will or will not be covered by my insurance….I doubt if I’ll be able to afford the 3 times a week my doctor suggested. Not only that I need to refill my pain medication prescription, that one’s not so bad, that’s just $10.00, but I will not be able to continue my monthly hormones, not at $25 a month…maybe yummy doctor can hook me up with samples.Sheesh…why does everything have to be about money?

BTW…(click →) here’s the other blog where I shamelessly make my plea for donations to my fix-me-up fund. Check it out if you are feeling generous, pass it along to someone who wants to adopt an old brokendownbeatenupbylifeoldhag.

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