I thought I would try an early bedtime…so I went to bed decidedly early. I read a few chapters and then turned off my lamp, pulled the covers over my head and dozed off. Bliss lasted for too short a time, I have a million thoughts racing through my head, my heart racing a million miles a minute. A full-fledged anxiety attack struck me. I hate those, I hate being alone when that happens. But such is life, being single has its perks, but it also has its downsides. Nobody to be there for any of the good, the bad or the ugly. I wouldn’t trade my status for comfort, I’ll find my comfort without jeopardizing my freedom….but loneliness still sucks, and the anxiety still sucks. I actually turned my TV on in my bedroom, I hadn’t watched TV in my room in quite a long time, but I need the noise to drown out some of my thoughts.
I am missing my baby, my oldest…I’ll call him later today, at a more decent time. If I manage to get any sleep I will try to go and get my car trip checked and fill up my tank and get it washed, it has been parked for a couple of months now and it needs to be driven….and loved.
I baked a chicken, rice, broccoli casserole yesterday, loved the crust, it turned out so crispy and cheesy, Boy # 3 didn’t care for the top, so that means I’ll be eating the crust.
I’m watching Lopez Tonight, I love George Lopez, but I have not been a loyal watcher…yes, I’m rambling….
I am in a frazzled state of mind, disconnected, maybe a tad depressed….and I can’t keep self medicating…my belly feels like it wants to blow, I’ve been eating way too much. Yet I have more plans to cook and eat…what a vicious cycle.
I wish I had someone to share my thoughts with, but there are some thoughts I am never going to share, so this statement is crap. I will never trust anyone else ever again to share some of my innermost feelings and thoughts…it just is what it is…