Go to the volunteer gig for a couple of hours…√
Stupid sleep fairy is pissing me off…I tried going to bed early, but all that does is give me about an hour of sleep and then I’m back to being up…still haven’t trip checked my car, so maybe later this morning I can get it taken care of, then I have my volunteer gig at 12:30, I think I will put a roast in the crockpot….maybe make baked potatoes too and some veggies…I’m hungry.
I got rid of a bunch of magazines yesterday, some more books and some clothes the boys had outgrown. I was able to sell some of their stuff, may have the flute sold as well. I don’t mind giving away their stuff, but if I can make a little money to replace their clothes then I need to do that. It is amazing how much stuff they have in their closet that just doesn’t get worn….it’ll make it easier on me for the next school year, I just need to find them pants, socks and underwear…shirts are the easy part. It also makes me feel good to know that other kids will have “new” school clothes.
I should just get up and start a load of laundry….but I’ll wait…maybe I’ll go back to reading…or stay up another hour and a half and get the boys up, then go back to attempting sleep. FML & FY2
that’s enough mindless dribble out of me…i love u
Early yesterday there was a shooting involving a police officer, he was shot at and luckily was wearing a vest. The wanna be cop killer is still at large, not good news, especially in light of the fact that he is allegedly holed up a few streets away from here. I have two precious babies to protect…and nothing to protect them with…aside from a phone. I don’t think that is causing my anxiety, but because I’m awake, it is on my mind…
Of course, now I’m thinking maybe I should buy a gun…I’m no longer married so I don’t have to worry about killing a husband that pisses me off…but I do have a couple of teenagers frequently at odds…so a gun may not be a good idea….oh well…guess time for plan C…I don’t have a plan C…yet.
Happy birthday to the birth control pill, which turns 50 years old. You know what that means?
If you’re 51, there’s a good chance that your parents didn’t want you.
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti and meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you and insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together and hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.
First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you’ll marry her and never get head again.
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner, but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date: You don’t even get to the third date and you already realized nothing is going to happen.
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She’s pregnant by someone other than you.
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on
Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She’s pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father’s girlfriend’s mother, her two cousins, her sister’s boyfriend and his three kids move in … and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.
The POINT? I don’t know….You tell me 😉
As I started to put some thoughts down, an overwhelming feeling of dejavu came over me…I looked back at what I had written, and word for word, it was just as the previous post where I rambled about not sleeping.
So instead of rehashed rambling, you get nonsense 😉
I thought I would try an early bedtime…so I went to bed decidedly early. I read a few chapters and then turned off my lamp, pulled the covers over my head and dozed off. Bliss lasted for too short a time, I have a million thoughts racing through my head, my heart racing a million miles a minute. A full-fledged anxiety attack struck me. I hate those, I hate being alone when that happens. But such is life, being single has its perks, but it also has its downsides. Nobody to be there for any of the good, the bad or the ugly. I wouldn’t trade my status for comfort, I’ll find my comfort without jeopardizing my freedom….but loneliness still sucks, and the anxiety still sucks. I actually turned my TV on in my bedroom, I hadn’t watched TV in my room in quite a long time, but I need the noise to drown out some of my thoughts.
I am missing my baby, my oldest…I’ll call him later today, at a more decent time. If I manage to get any sleep I will try to go and get my car trip checked and fill up my tank and get it washed, it has been parked for a couple of months now and it needs to be driven….and loved.
I baked a chicken, rice, broccoli casserole yesterday, loved the crust, it turned out so crispy and cheesy, Boy # 3 didn’t care for the top, so that means I’ll be eating the crust.
I’m watching Lopez Tonight, I love George Lopez, but I have not been a loyal watcher…yes, I’m rambling….
I am in a frazzled state of mind, disconnected, maybe a tad depressed….and I can’t keep self medicating…my belly feels like it wants to blow, I’ve been eating way too much. Yet I have more plans to cook and eat…what a vicious cycle.
I wish I had someone to share my thoughts with, but there are some thoughts I am never going to share, so this statement is crap. I will never trust anyone else ever again to share some of my innermost feelings and thoughts…it just is what it is…
I felt like something wasn’t quite right…I felt suffocated, bound…then I realized I still had my bra on….so I unhooked it and yanked it off. That is the worst feeling in the world…well not quite, but pretty close. I hate bras…if it wasn’t for nipples I wouldn’t need a damn bra.
Tomorrow I will bake banana nut and strawberry muffins…something healthy for the kids…and of course for me too. The countdown is on, 9 more days and summer break officially begins for the boys. Their break will begin with yard work, and top to bottom cleaning, I know, mean mom. Monday I will bake a cake for the birthday boy and do a Carino’s family platter. Throw a salad together and we will just eat and get fat. I need to stop eating…I’m getting fat…I hate feeling fat, looking fat, being fat…oh gotta go, there’s a donut stick with my name…
You did it to me & I did it (stupidly) right back, tit 4 tat, but it’s all about the tit…
If I may….let me begin with the disclaimer…..this is RANDOM!!!!!
My first memory of a fierce bout with curiosity came at me with such gale forces that I knew I wouldn’t let it kill the cat….and I do staunchly believe that is the curse on anybody with that evil known as natural born curiosity…..perhaps those untimely after school specials….but for me it was watching those perfect and pristine do gooder little wenches with their diaries….I didn’t have one and up to that point I don’t recall having any idea of what one would write on it…..cue to the darling sitting up in her room, pen poised on paper and a voice over saying “Dear Diary……” cue to silence, so whatever deep secrets went into the diary I still didn’t get…..cue back to reality and I happened upon my mother’s diary and of course curiosity strikes and I’m all for looking to see what secrets that little floral book locked with a key holds….it doesn’t take much effort to locate a key and nervously look to see that I am not going to be busted in my quest to uncover the mysteries and secrets that are diligently posted……coast is clear and I hurriedly rifled through the pages…..no earth shattering revelations were to be found…..instead a list of household duties that have been completed and a list of yet to be done chores…..page after page, day after day….week after week, month after month…..a litany of days listing laundry, dishes, grocery shopping and Dr. appointments….wow….what a major disappointment, I had expected some earth shattering revelation, like perhaps as was my most ardent wish/dream….it would come to light that I was indeed adopted…..cue to present day…..and there comes the tit for tat and the tit…..many times in my past the prying eyes and the undying curiosity that could slay a million cats….has come a searching for those little secrets or revelations that could shatter the world….a purse or drawer rifled through….a perusal through a box that holds mementos of a life now laid to rest….no biggie…no earth shattering secrets were buried there….letters kept read by prying eyes….laughably those letters contained nothing that really could disrupt the status quo…..simply a letter kept as a token of affection because in this day and age it is a rare thing to receive such a treasure….in the today and now we forward emails and maintain communication in all electronic forms….so the ability to be able to revisit with melancholy and rifle through a stash of old letters, birthday cards and scraps of paper with personal notes is such a treat….so tit….you fall into the temptation and in your cat killing natural born curiosity you succumb to that innate desire to look….not expecting a brutal and gut wrenching stab in the back and through the heart……but it happens and it happened and that is what one gets when they fall into the trap of looking somewhere one should not have….I’ve heard many of times and have myself repeated the saying “Don’t go looking for trouble….surely you will find it….or it will find you.”….it has been said in those exact words as well as in other ways…..Curiosity the BITCH that kills the CAT…..and damn those tits!
You know I hate it when you cry. It makes me want to burn your eyes out with a poker every time and eat popcorn sitting in the corner with a finger continuously in the peanut butter jar. Oh and I have a wicked confession to make…and I have to get it off my chest or I will blow….here goes…. I had intended to do a salad for lunch and I didn’t, instead I had a combination of chicken, beef, greasy cheese and goopy beans and some guacamole…should have done the salad…oh well I’ll just do the salad for supper…tomorrow.
I’ve learned that sometimes, it’s what you don’t say that’s important.Specifically, it’s been my experience that any sentence ending with, “I don’t really know or care” seems to strike a chord.
Anyway, I used to be in the habit of ending sentences with “I don’t really care” It seemed like a good idea… at the time… to strike a precautionary blow against whatever nasty things people might be thinking about me. This seems to happen quite a lot….
All this does is get me into trouble. I realize that I am not so much nipping those ridiculous thoughts in the bud, as I am planting them in peoples’ heads. Silly me, for thinking that everyone else is just naturally as twisted as I am.
So now I’ve resorted to another plan. I don’t want to bring up any specifics in these situations, but I still want to put people on the defensive… just in case they’ve come up with some other (and probably sicker) idea of the type of thing I’d be doing when I’m not sleeping, watching TV, in pain, or eating butter pecan ice cream. So now, I should answer every question I get with an angry:
“What the hell do you mean by that?”
Sure, it might make ordering at a restaurant a bit tricky. Or it might even alarm the kids somewhat….
No, it’s not a perfect system. But it’s better. Maybe someday I’ll graduate to ‘Are you talking to me?’, or the simple-yet-effective menacing, ‘Whaaaat?!’
Meanwhile, I’m doing the best I can. And it seems to be working… people ask me way less questions than they used to. Which is all I ever really wanted. Isn’t it everybody’s goal to just be left the hell alone sometimes?