I see that it is a little after 3am and another sleepless night is here…I got laundry going, read a book and a half, went through my inboxes and finally cleared out some old emails, replied to some that I had missed and forwarded a few. I am also starved, but I don’t want to get into the habit of eating at these crazy night-time hours…so I lay in bed listening to my belly beg for food….also it doesn’t help to hear boy # 1 and his friend in the kitchen using the microwave and heating up food…cause I still smell it and it makes me hungrier.
The wind is blowing something fierce…or at least it sounds fierce…I think later today will be good to do some yard work…I doubt if the boys will like that idea, being that they get to carry out my wishes/demands. But I have to get my house in order and being that I am not physically able to do it on my own they are stuck doing what I can’t. They probably will resent me for this….that is another one of those things that being disabled or less able sucks…I would prefer to be out there alongside them raking and helping them bag the leaves….which I will freecycle. As crazy as it sounds, someone was looking for leaves….so I will post them.
We have a battle with the poo gods…the toilet is spewing its poo out…yeppers it is clogged…not a fun thing to have to deal with on top of everything else…but that is what makes my life so wonderful…shit.
Harks back to that old thing about I make my bed I lie on it…or not…totally sucktastic.
I swear if there is life after death I will be reborn as something other than what I am now…I haven’t decided yet what that will be…I don’t even know if I get to decide if I can be this, that or the other….but if I get a choice I am not coming back as me….well….I take it back…I’ll be back as me….Ruby Cantu 2.0….with all the knowledge I have, all the good stuff…yes Virginia there is good stuff….you just haven’t seen it….not many have…I don’t share those wonderful attributes with too many….just a lucky few….but if and when I come back….I’m gonna play this game totally different….why….well because I am totally aware that I have squandered the greatness that could have been and then the shit gods took care of effing up the rest of my potential….no, not really I take full responsibility….I just like to cast blame here and there but I am the ONE, the only one responsible for all that is…or isn’t…
Now if more people would Man up or Woman up then this world would be a better place….but not many have the balls that I have, I have some massive balls and they are my own balls, whether I took them from somebody or just grew them, either way they are my balls, and they are bouncy balls, purple and black, and they don’t really bounce or anything fun like that…they just are…decorations.
So what am I rambling about…who knows…I blame it on the meds….or my sanity/insanity….or it could be that I am hungry and delusional….