With today being a holiday I had not planned on doing the phone thing…well it didn’t quite work that way…my doctors office called, I have an appointment Monday to review my discogram and do my pre-op stuff. Surgery is tentatively scheduled for Wednesday….not much time to think about it…which works for me…I don’t want to have time to think about it…like really what is there to think about…I say let’s get on with it, get it over and done with. The promise of being “fixed” is what I have to look forward to…now if I stop to think about it then all I would end up doing is filling my head with what ifs….like what if they fuck me up more….what if they cut/hit/damage a nerve and I end up worse off than I already am..like a real vegetable…see what happens when you start playing stupid what if games….insanity…and I suffer enough with insanity…so it’s a go as far as I am concerned…I just have to work out the logistics….like getting there and getting back.
Spoke to my aunt and she would love to come and be here and help where she can, she is still recovering from her surgery….so of course the mental imagery went all over the place….a couple of old hag cripps trying to help each other…it’s funny but it’s not…but it is more funny than not.
Yesterday I also did something I had not done in like forever…at least since my high school years….I picked up the phone and called a friend…and talked for a good 2 or 3 hrs…then we did it again for another 4.5 hours….but it felt good to talk to someone, laugh at ourselves…next time we may laugh at others….but not in a mean way…well maybe…..
Finished reading everything I had started on….and still have not hit the fluff….but it is by my bed….