It’s not really mornings, more like afternoon and evening, today it started this afternoon…but the last couple of days it was more in the evening. At first I thought it was the hotdogs I ate, but yesterday when I started feeling it again I determined it wasn’t the hotdogs. So I have been eating a healthy, bland diet of crackers…and water.
While I was on my 5th cracker I thought, hmmm…not too bad, if water & crackers are good enough for me, why can’t we save money on prisoners and just give them crackers and water. I bet they are eating a more nutritious meal than I am…drinking milk, not that I care for milk….
My brain has an itch it can’t scratch…seriously if I had the energy to pack it all up now and just split I would. I miss that carefree part of my life when I was able to just pack it up and move. Sure back then when I was doing it I swore I was tired of moving so much. I guess more than anything I miss my old life. I had a life, I had friends, real friends…but life happens, and I haven’t been the best of friends. I don’t call on friends often, never have…if the internet didn’t keep me connected I probably wouldn’t know how anyone is doing.
So where is all this rambling coming from????
There are many things I hate to admit to myself much less to anyone else. One of those is weakness. I detest weakness in people, especially in myself, it is too human of an emotion and I don’t have the time, the patience or the inclination to cultivate that feeling. So I will wallow in self pity for a minute or two or ten then I will reel it in and go back to functioning without it. Gosh, what an aggravating emotion….of the gazillion emotions on any emotion list, that has to be my least favorite. It makes me feel twenty shades of anger and resentment….so I am purging myself, not something I do often, well I take it back, I do whine quite often so in a way I am purging something or other, and today I am purging weakness. I can’t say that in this particular moment I’ve beaten it, but surely by the end of the day I can breathe a sigh of relief and let it flush out and away from my body….if not I will eat a single serving of candy corn, that would be 22 pieces at 140 calories…but who’s counting…