I cut myself ~ Just to see if I would bleed

I cut myself to see if I would bleed
I cut myself to see if I would bleed

…and bleed I did, like a mofo….and I didn’t cut myself in an Emo kind of way…more like I was trying to shave and I shaved off a chunk of skin on that spot on your ankle, ladies, you know the spot, I”m sure….so anyway I was dripping blood all over the bathroom floor, trying to clean it up, screaming for a band aid….before that I did some more screaming…I was stepping out of my bedroom and I had already taken out my contacts as I was going to jump in the shower…well when I opened the door I saw a huge ass spider, like a tarantula…a big ass hairy spider of the Theraphosidae family, so I was screaming for Bert AKA Coven my oldest and badass spider killer mom saver son, so when he comes over to see why I am screaming bloody murder he sees what I am pointing at, flips on the hallway light and starts laughing at me. Andrew my second badass spider killing mom saver son comes up to see what is going on and they inform me that the tarantula is simply a big ass hairball. Not hair from a big ass, but from my head…I don’t know how it is that I am not bald…I swear it looked like a big ass hairy spider….sheesh…so I go in search of my lint roller brush and drop it down on the floor where I can roll it over my killer hairball. Why does this shit happen to me? Why do I have to be so blind that I cannot see well enough to tell a hairball from a spider? Anywho I proceeded to roll the damn lint roller all over my bedroom floor…lots more potential “Spiders” were rolled up…at least I won’t have to be taking the vaccuum cleaner apart to get all the hair off the roller….I may start looking at a wig….

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