I don’t always answer the question…and why I don’t~

I grew up with a mother that never passed on answering the question of “How are you?” She would answer in detail……we are talking everything from bowel issues, menstrual, pms, you name it issues, real or imagined, In her case, mostly imagined, I used to cringe when anyone asked her, it got to the point that for me, if anyone asked, my response was a simple OK, I still do that. Partly out of habit and also because of feeling embarrassed at having a mother that fed off her so called ailments. I tried explaining to her that people weren’t looking for a list of her ailments…I couldĀ  tell….their eyes would glaze over….but she persisted in listing everything. For me…that made me acutely aware of that “greeting”…my belief was that a simple okay would have gone a long way…..later when it got to be that I was the one with the medical issues, I still could not bring myself to complain…..to this day I still have a hard time honestly answering that question…I know I was affected very much by that….it is why when I’ve had to be hospitalized I prefer to be left alone, no visits, I don’t want the attention out of pity or obligation. I’m sure I have developed my own set of personal issues over the whole situation……my first bout with surgery and a hospital stay I had to endure a mother that preferred to visit with strangers rather than tending to my needs, to the point that I had to ask that her presence be banned. I just could not stomach her being around in my time of need…..knowing that she would find a way to make it about herself…..to this day any genuine interest in me is met with apprehension….I don’t want pity…..okay I was going somewhere with this….lost my train of thought….nite

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