Illusions….delusions

I had my illusions, but then again maybe they were always delusions cowering in the shadow of illusion. I’ve turned things around so much in my head that I now have a better understanding of some rifts that have just continued and will never be resolved. I’ve taken my blinders off, put aside the rose-colored glasses and left the hero-worship on the floor, to be picked up by someone not as jaded as I have become.

I’ll say it again…as if I haven’t said it enough…people disgust me, no not all, just some….but then I also wonder how many people feel the same way about me. I’m sure I’m on a list or two…or ten. Yeah I am not everyone’s cup of tea…but then again I don’t aspire to be. I don’t want to revel in hero-worship, I don’t want to “demand” respect. Respect isn’t something one automatically grants someone else based solely on seniority…and I don’t mean seniority based on length of time held at one position, but I mean seniority of the aging variety.

I’m cutting some people out of my inner sanctum, with age comes wisdom, which isn’t always clearly defined, but as long as I know where I’m at, where I’m going and where I’ve been…that is all that matters…who I decide to have with me along the way is my choice….pickings are slim (to none) but I am becoming more self-aware and making changes accordingly. Too long I’ve wasted time with people who just brought me down, people I allowed to use and abuse me and I know my worth ain’t much, but I’m adding value back….slowly but surely.